The non-energy drink

Plants may crave electrolytes, but we bipeds yearn for dihydrogen monoxide:

Nothing says “Hell yeah, I’m straight edge but hardcore” like knocking back a nice cold water. Former Netflix creative director Mike Cessario thinks he can capitalize on this with his new product, Liquid Death, water packaged in tallboy cans. Sorry, it appears he doesn’t think this so much as he knows this. He announced on Tuesday, according to Business Insider, that he has raised a new seed round of $1.6 million for his company. In total, he’s raised $2.25 million. Backers include Biz Stone of Twitter and founders of Dollar Shave Club and fancy-luggage start-up Away.

The cans sell direct to consumer. You can order a pack of 12 for $1.83 a can by visiting the website, where you’ll be greeted by a banner reading “MURDER YOUR THIRST” just to make sure you know how hardcore Liquid Death is. (There is a 10 percent discount if you subscribe to a regular-order schedule.) “Our proprietary Thirst Murdering process begins with Liquid Death forming a rope of veins that will wrap around your Thirst’s head and strangle it. Once Liquid Death reaches your Thirst’s brain, all of your Thirst’s memories will be replaced with repeating loops of its own head imploding. Which is exactly what happens next by it causing your Thirst’s head to implode and its brain to squirt out of its ears,” the website explains. “Once your Thirst has been murdered, the soul of your Thirst will begin to escape and float towards the ceiling. At this point, drink a second sip of Liquid Death to rip its soul back down and force it to begin gluing its own body parts back together so that it can crawl inside you and eventually grow into a fully formed Thirst once again.”

This description is actually much more subtle than their commercial.

(Via Stephen Green.)

2 comments »

  1. Wombat-socho »

    10 May 2019 · 3:42 pm

    I liked the original ad, which was even less subtle.

  2. The Other McCain »

    10 May 2019 · 10:10 pm

    In The Mailbox: 05.10.19

    […] Dustbury: The Non-Energy Drink […]

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