I truly hope this turns out to be fiction:
OnStar: Hello, OnStar.
Customer: Hi, I have a problem.
OnStar: How can I help, sir?
Customer: I’m … umm … 27, and still a virgin.
OnStar: How old are you really, sir?
OnStar: [partially off mike] Holy shit!
Customer: [muffled crying]
On the upside, it certainly speaks well of OnStar’s remote diagnostics.