The fatted calf

“Some man somewhere will take you, baby,” claimed Joe Tex, “skinny legs and all.”

Of course, that was in 1967, and we’d already seen Twiggy. Before that, well, there was this:

Leg Falsies

Leg falsies for gals with unshapely gams are now being made by Mrs. Dorothy Funk of Burbank, Calif. (Blushing, girls?) Moulded from customer’s legs they are concealed by special rubber and nylon stockings.

Today, you’re more likely to see the shin feigned.

(Via Jezebel.)

Update, 11 June: Did someone mention torture?


  1. Jennifer »

    8 June 2008 · 10:31 am

    Oh, lord.

    Vanity is the root of all evil.

  2. CGHill »

    8 June 2008 · 1:51 pm

    Composer and former Entertainment Tonight host John Tesh was weary, they say, of constantly hearing about the glorious gams of co-host Mary Hart (which we here in Soonerland remember from the days of Dannysday), and would reportedly occasionally dismiss such remarks with “Mary’s legs are fake.” I never quite believed him, but then I never wanted to.

  3. fillyjonk »

    8 June 2008 · 5:39 pm

    Actually, I remember seeing some show about plastic surgery where a guy got calf IMPLANTS (along with, IIRC, pectoral implants), because he thought it’d make the ladies like him better.

    The fact that he was an insufferable jerk and egotist (or at least that was my judgment after seeing him interviewed) didn’t cross his mind.

    Leg-falsies are merely vain; I’m not sure I have a word for having your legs cut open and pieces of plastic INSERTED into them to make your legs more shapely.

    Then again, I have what are dismissively called “cheerleader legs,” so maybe I’m just bitter about not being able to wear short skirts.

  4. CGHill »

    8 June 2008 · 6:22 pm

    Well, he was probably an insufferable jerk beforehand; now he’s an insufferable jerk with reduced cash flow.

    As a former minion attending to our high-school football team, I have considerable appreciation for cheerleaders. Not that they ever had any use for me, but that’s another story.

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