Vapor barrier

I’m sure this is happening to someone, though not to me:

You know, of late, I’ve noticed a disturbing sexist pattern of behavior in some readers of blogs I visit. Swooning, crying and apparently, in some cases, fainting. Pass the smelling salts, will you? Said swooning and likewise super girlie behavior can usually be found on the blogs of men. Hence the sexist aspect of this widespread epidemic. And frankly, this has me a little flooped out.

I mean, what am I, chopped liver? Yes, it’s true, I’m jealous and feel more than a little left out. There is nothing more disheartening than visiting one of my buddies’ blogs only to see an inordinate amount of female commenters, swooning, moaning and fanning themselves. It’s just not fair.

Maybe that’s my selling point for the future. “Visit, now with 70 percent less vapor.”

Actually, I don’t have an issue here. There isn’t a whole lot of swoonage in the comment box here, but then again, the sort of person who is actually going to read the sort of stuff I write on anything resembling a regular basis is, I suspect, not given to fainting spells. Besides which, I have a fair number of female blog friends, and I have no reason to assume that their interests are largely prurient.

This question, though, I’ll have to pass on:

Can men only safely express their emotions during the Super Bowl and gut-wrenching sex?

To those of you who have managed to have gut-wrenching sex during the Super Bowl, my congratulations.


  1. Bayou »

    2 July 2008 · 5:43 pm

    Oh be still my beating heart Charles!

    Did that help? ;)

    “The biggest myth about Southern women is that we are frail types, fainting on our sofas. We were about as fragile as coal trucks.”

    And sex during the superbowl?! That’s just WRONG.

  2. fillyjonk »

    2 July 2008 · 5:47 pm

    I cannot hear the phrase “to have the vapors” without snickering, because I had a friend who firmly believed that it was a polite euphemism for when a woman needed to pass gas.

    I don’t know; I personally am the type who would roll my eyes as such affected girly behavior from my fellow females. I tend to think fainting as an emotional response went out with corsets and pomade.

  3. sya »

    2 July 2008 · 8:20 pm

    Too bad the male equivalent of swooning can’t really happen on female blogs. It would be, at the very least, kinda creepy.

  4. Jeffro »

    2 July 2008 · 10:50 pm

    I can express emotions during a Nascar race. No, really.

  5. hanzie »

    3 July 2008 · 2:34 am

    Thank you for your congratulations on the Super Bowl sex. I find it helps greatly if the lady I’m with, like me, cares nothing for the game, but likes to see what commercials advertisers are willing to pay millions to show.

    The sex helps to pass the time between commercials.

    Honestly and Sincerely,

  6. Deb »

    3 July 2008 · 9:11 am

    Come on boys.. that is what halftime is for. Isn’t it??

    That’s what I’ve been led to believe.

  7. writer chick »

    3 July 2008 · 9:58 am

    Actually the ‘vapors’ might be quite an improvement over some of what I’ve witnessed. And yeah, it is a little icky. I swear, sometimes I can even hear the eyelashes being batted.

  8. McGehee »

    3 July 2008 · 9:52 pm

    Huh. When I’ve seen anything like that I’ve always assumed they were kidding.

    I mean, if it were directed at me I’d know they were kidding.

    Okay, so maybe I’d only hope they were kidding. My neighbors frown on having stalkers hiding in their bushes with binoculars, whatever the motivation.

  9. McGehee »

    3 July 2008 · 9:53 pm

    …or (ahem) so I would assume…

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