- Skinny jeans on guys
- Tattooed makeup on women
- Huge spoilers bolted on the back of hilariously nonathletic-looking cars
- Women’s short-shorts in any size above 12
- Fried Oreos
Alas, my Photoshop skillz aren’t sufficiently mad for me to conjure up a picture of a guy in skinny jeans driving a slammed Mitsubishi with a wing the size of a surfboard, sitting next to his size-16 true love with the permanent mascara and the Daisy Dukes, chowing down on a cookie that used to have no trans fats.
Disclosure: I’m sorry, 12 doesn’t strike me as being all that darn big. What’s more, I was once married to a 20½. (She’s smaller these days. Or I’m bigger.)