A tolerable value, maybe

But extreme?

The Extreme Value Item, for those of you who do not shop at Jewel, is a daily designated grocery item that has been deployed to a special location right there at the cash register, where the cashier can point out the fabulous savings opportunity it presents.

Is the value of the Extreme Value Item truly extreme? I have no idea because it’s never an item I’d buy. It’s always a can of nuts, or fruit roll-ups, or one of the more dubious flavors of Doritos. And the cashier has to point to it and say something like, “Have you seen our Extreme Value of the day?” Even when there isn’t a distinct subtext of I’d rather I didn’t have to ask you this the whole thing is extremely awkward. One time I tried just going, hmm! while pretending to deliberate about buying the Extreme Value, but that felt really pathetic and on some level unfair to the cashier. I’ve tried to say just, “no thanks,” but even that seems too much somehow, because when it comes down to it, I suppose I deeply resent having to take a position regarding the Extreme Value appeal of Blue Gatorade.

The late George Carlin likely would have questioned anything ingestible that appeared to be blue.

And aren’t all flavors of Doritos at least somewhat dubious?


  1. Jeffro »

    5 August 2008 · 9:21 pm

    A steady diet of flavored Doritos may result in less work for the mortician when we pass.

  2. Füz »

    5 August 2008 · 11:41 pm

    My nearest Albertson’s was doing something similar, sometimes with bakery goods that they had made too many of.

    I don’t recall when it stopped, but I’m thankful.

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