Windows XP reports that my desktop box contains 706 fonts, a figure which is somewhat misleading, inasmuch as there are six variations on, say, Goudy Old Style, plus a Goudy Stout, so-called presumably because “Goudy Absurdly Extra Freaking Bold” would have taken up too much valuable screen area in Control Panel, and that counts for seven right there.
However many fonts I may actually have, I must admit here that I have all of the seven worst fonts known to man. I need not tell you which is the worst everybody already knows but some of the snarky commentary is worth quoting:
Kristen ITC fans are usually elementary school teachers, childcare professionals, and other people with kid-centric jobs. These people love to employ quotes like, “We don’t stop playing because we grow old we grow old because we stop playing,” and they really like to use a font that serves as a constant reminder that THEY HAVE NOT STOPPED PLAYING, DAMMIT! DON’T YOU SEE HOW PLAYFUL THESE LETTERS LOOK? YOU ARE TALKING TO SOMEONE WHO IS YOUNG INSIDE!
Don’t ask me why, but Viner Hand seems to have become the go-to font for angsty pre-teens and would-be goths. Well, I hate to be the one to break it to the Linkin Park fan contingent, but calligraphy is to angst what scones are to rave parties.
For those who asked: the logo font around here is in no danger of becoming criminally overused, since at small sizes it’s darn near unreadable and at large sizes it eats up all your screen space.