This weekend, for reasons far too complicated to explain, I found myself in the back rooms of a local church. Taking a peek in the refrigerator, to see if I could find a splash of milk to go with my plastic cup of scout hut tea, I found that our local zombie worshipers keep no less than SIX tins of squirty cream.
As a noted BLASPHEMER, who has in the past personally made Baby Jesus cry on several occasions, I ask this pertinent question: For what reason does a church need six tins of squirty cream?
Not being any great shakes with religious symbolism, I am nonetheless aware of the fact that certain branches of the faith regard the communion wafer to be quite literally the body of poor, dead-yet-not-dead-because-he’s-excellent Jesus, while the wine becomes his blood, spilled on the cross at the time of His passion.
Much of my education having been conducted under the auspices of certain branches of the faith, I think I can safely say that none of the known Sacraments involve aerosols, and that in all probability, the material in question is kept there for the enhancement of rectory meals and that they got a discount on half a dozen.
Still, I paid dues as an altar boy even served a wedding once and I know what my, um, associates would have done had we discovered such stuff on the premises.