Maybe this will work

J. G. “Jay Tea” Thayer offers a long-shot, but maybe not that long, plan to save General Motors:

Step One: file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy.

This will freeze in place many of the factors currently pressing GM towards collapse. It will also give a judge the authority to make sweeping changes within the company that it cannot do by itself.

Step Two: Fire current management and appoint [Mitt] Romney CEO.

This will satisfy many of the public’s thirst for blood. It will also send the message that nothing is sacred, nothing is off the table. Whatever needs to be done to save the company — in some form — will be done.

The terms of Romney’s two-year contract will be simple: he will be paid the base rate of a union line worker, plus expenses and a bonus plan based on GM’s return to profitability — preferably stock options, where his own compensation will be directly linked to his success.

In return, Romney will be granted near-absolute power over the company, putting together a new management team and restructuring it — from the ground up, if necessary — to make it a viable, ongoing business.

Mitt has a couple of advantages here: he grew up in the auto industry — his father was American Motors chairman George Romney — and he has an enviable track record with failing companies. It may be true, of course, that GM can’t be saved no matter what, but this proposal deals concretely with the company’s two biggest problems: its existing contracts, which Chapter 11 could set aside, and its upper management, which has run the place into the ground. Besides, it’s not like Romney has anything better to do these days.

(Spotted by martinra at Daily Pundit.)

6 comments

  1. paulsmos »

    21 November 2008 · 7:31 am

    I’m all for anything that destroys the UAW and others of their ilk….and don’t give me any of that Upton Sinclair crap about auto workers falling into vats of steaming vats of lube oil while their corporate bosses feed on their flesh while espousing that the Edsel is the car of the future. Eat shit and die unions ….this ain’t 1906

  2. CGHill »

    21 November 2008 · 7:48 am

    I don’t think the EPA allows lube oil to steam anymore.

  3. Guy S »

    21 November 2008 · 7:55 am

    mmmmmm a hot lube job … err… Actually, having Mitt take the helm sounds like a good idea, which is most likely why it (or something similar) won’t happen. Still, it would beat having a major US industrial evaporate, along with the thousands of peripheral companies that support same having to close their doors as well. I wonder if most folks realize the major ripple effect which would take place if the big 3 auto makers are allowed to go under.

  4. GUYK »

    21 November 2008 · 8:28 am

    From what I hear about the big three I don’t see anyway out without major concessions from the UAW. And even then it may take a lot longer than two years for the big three to start making a profit. But the problem is that when the big three do make a profit the UAW will demand it. There is no answer as long as there is no nation wide right to work law.

  5. McGehee »

    21 November 2008 · 9:55 am

    Besides, it’s not like Romney has anything better to do these days.

    If Romney succeeded at it, he’d be front-runner for the GOP nomination in 2012.

    The question is, could he succeed? Really?

  6. CGHill »

    21 November 2008 · 2:06 pm

    Then there’s this:

    FORT LAUDERDALE, FL, Nov 21, 2008 (MARKET WIRE via COMTEX) — Industry leading eTailer CableOrganizer.com, among the world’s premier providers of cable, wire and equipment management-related products for use in business and at home, today announced that it made $21.2 billion more in profit than General Motors Corporation (GM) for the nine months ending September 30, 2008.

    “We are very pleased about our 2008 profitability and are obviously honored to have beaten GM by such a wide margin,” said Paul Holstein, senior vice president of CableOrganizer.com, Inc.

    “Obviously we couldn’t match their revenue, but we were able to beat them handily on costs and expenses,” notes Holstein. “For example, we put off buying a fleet of Gulfstream G5 private jets. That, right there, saved us millions of dollars.”

    In 2007, CableOrganizer.com beat GM by $38.7 billion. The well-run company also beat GM in 2006 by almost two billion dollars and by $10.4 billion in 2005. When asked what the secret was to their success, Holstein offered, “It’s important to spend less money than you make.”

    Which, it turns out, is the expurgated version.

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