Semi-automatic transmission

Dogette explains how computer viruses and such are spread:

The Dumbshit virus sends an email to a Moron, who must then click on every link in the email because the email says they will receive a million dollars per click if they do. Moron then visits several badly-designed websites where everything is flashing and scrolling like crazy and the screen periodically goes black. Each of these flashing scrolling exciting websites asks Moron to “please be download teh latest version of your free INFECTION,” which is, of course, version 666. A .wav file plays a diabolical laugh while they page is being viewed (“Mwahaha!”) and a creepy computerized voice abruptly asks, “Are you SURE you want to download this?” A devil face appears on the Moron’s screen, flashing off and on in bright red. The voice then says, “Disable your virus protection software NOW and ignore any warnings about the download being EVIL!!! It is a LIE designed to keep you from claiming your millions!” A Flash presentation depicts snippets of disasters from world history in rapid succession while the download proceeds.

Moron still suspects nothing because this virus is extremely hard to detect. When the UNSUSPECTING Moron downloads INFECTION 666, his computer is immediately infected. INFECTION 666 grabs all of Moron’s personal data off his hard drive and sends it back to hackers in Germany. The hackers then try to use Moron’s data for personal financial gain, and identity theft, but they quickly learn that Moron has no money and no one wants to steal a stupid identity anyway.

See? A happy ending after all.

1 comment

  1. Jeffro »

    6 December 2008 · 9:18 pm

    Does the virus wipe out the all important zero sector of the hard drive? Geez, I hate it when that happens. Almost as bad as some seized muffler bearings.

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