I have spoken to a lot of people who have migraines and who have suffered from this illness for months or years. After having seen doctors who prescribe medications that don’t work on a consistent basis migraneurs begin to get disheartened. If you see the wrong doctor, or the wrong type of doctor, or just too many doctors who don’t know what they are talking about eventually this begins to cause a feeling of despair to emerge. Your perspective changes from “Well one day I will get the right medication and this pain will finally end” to “Well, I suppose this is my life, so I had just better learn to deal with being in pain all the time”. The realization that you are probably going to be in pain for the rest of your life is staggering. You think of all the days ahead of you and wonder what the point is if you are just going to get up and be in pain every day. Why bother? May as well just stay in bed. You can’t really enjoy anything, food has no flavour and you worry that you will throw it up anyway. You can’t go out and socialize anymore and slowly your network of friends shrinks until there is no one left. If you have a really really bad day at work, you can’t just come home and have a glass of wine to unwind if you choose to, because now it may no longer be a choice. One glass (or even half of one) may be enough to trigger a migraine that could last for weeks. It is an extremely isolating feeling.
What’s scary is how close this is to traditional depression except for the blinding pain. “And if all I have to look forward to is more of the same, then the best I can hope for is not having to live through it,” said I; add to that the incessant pound, pound, pound, and I’d be almost ready to look through the PDR to see if I had the right combination of ingredients on hand to put myself out of my misery.