I have no idea what I want

I am, I believe, slightly less indecisive than average when faced with a restaurant menu, especially if there are only a few offerings I can reasonably expect to tolerate: lingering prejudices and newly-discovered food sensitivities have knocked some things off the “I’ll try this” list.

I don’t think, though, I’ve ever been this precise:

I ordered a turkey burger, well done, on a sesame seed-free bun, mayo, lettuce and tomato only, swiss cheese, with a side of ranch, no onions, no pickles, wedge shaped fries with ketchup, and an unfiltered wheat beer in a very frosty glass if you please.

Ah, if only dates were like this. (Not that I have any dates, but, well, you get the idea.)


  1. McGehee »

    4 May 2009 · 8:16 am

    I have recently discovered I can go into a Hardee’s, order a Western Bacon combo, and not even have to say “no mayo.”

    I blame Obama.


    Wait a minute, that’s not right…

  2. fillyjonk »

    4 May 2009 · 9:05 am

    There’s a fine balance between “getting what you want” and “being THAT person” (you know, the one ahead of you in the order line when you have 20 minutes to grab your food, gulp it down, and scram, and THAT person has to specify in picky detail all the necessary omissions, additions, and substitutions to their meal).

    I will say that I have considerable frustration with places that don’t identify unusual additions on their menu: I was once served a grilled cheese that had mayonnaise on it. No indication of such was on the menu, other than the designation of “deluxe” (Mayonnaise does NOT make things deluxe).

    I shouldn’t have to order “grilled cheese, no mayo.” (Then again, people at Pizza Hut shouldn’t have to ask for spit-free pizzas…)

  3. sya »

    4 May 2009 · 9:42 am

    Maybe this is just me, but I think there’s a definite distinction between “snob” and “picky”. A snob is concerned with the quality of things. A picky person is concerned with the details, regardless of the quality. It’s quite possible to be one, the other, or both. If being picky really made her a snob, she’d be eschewing fast food burger places because the food was also crap and not simply because she couldn’t tell the pimply kid behind the counter that she didn’t want any onions or pickles.

    Yeah, I know. Picky, picky, picky.

  4. robohara »

    4 May 2009 · 10:09 am

    And now, an impression of my wife and I, ordering lunch. First, the wife:

    “I’ll have a number three with two enchiladas. On the first one I want cheese in side and cheese on top. On the second I want chicken, and sour cream sauce on top. I want double beans, no rice. I don’t want any peppers on anything.”

    Then, me.

    “I’ll have the number four.”

  5. Lisa paul »

    4 May 2009 · 11:35 am

    Hey, what ever happened to “special orders don’t upset us”?

    And Fillyjonk, is it possible there is another of you? I ran across a very funny, snarky Fillyjonk at the Shapely Prose website (http://kateharding.net/about/)

  6. fillyjonk »

    4 May 2009 · 11:46 am

    Not me….someone else using the nickname. (I THINK I was using it first, but I could be wrong there.)

    I’m not that funny or snarky, and apparently not as popular.

  7. Tatyana »

    4 May 2009 · 11:52 am

    Only someone who’s had a chance to be a waitress (or just work in any market as a sales person) could be that precise. And waiters usually appreciate precise directions.

    I sound exactly like that when I go to a florist’s. If I go to a florist, that is. Usually, when in need of fresh flowers I rather visit flower market.

  8. Tina »

    4 May 2009 · 3:24 pm

    Somebody watched When Harry met Sally this weekend.

  9. fillyjonk »

    4 May 2009 · 9:11 pm

    “I’ll have what she’s having…only WITH sesame seeds”?

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