Swollen door blues

Tonight was fix-the-back-door night, and I made an inglorious botch of it. Not only was the door a tad larger than normal, what with the tremendous humidity of late; one of the two screws holding the deadlatch in place had worked itself just loose enough to be in the way, and there wasn’t any way on earth I was going to get that sucker back into place, even after I had managed to get the doorknob off without destroying it.

So it was time to call in the pros, and fortunately, there are pros working after six-thirty. (They charge you extra, but not so much as to make you feel like you should have waited until morning.) The guy was thorough: he replaced the deadlatch with a new one, repositioned the striker plate and gave it some new screws, theoretically long enough to reach the nearest stud, and did likewise on the upper hinge, having detected (as I didn’t) that the door was hanging ever so slightly out of plumb.

“As long as you’re here,” I began, and in no time at all he’d cleaned up and adjusted the deadbolt on the front door, which wasn’t exactly loose but which might conceivably have given ideas to J. Random Burglar. All this and still not in triple digits, I marveled. Consider this an endorsement of Don’s Mobil Lock Shop in Norman.


  1. Lisa Paul »

    14 May 2009 · 8:43 pm

    You should have left the door hanging off the hinge. Then sat on the porch in a rocker with a hound dog and a rifle. It’s might have been cheaper. And still off-putting to J. Random Burglar.

  2. CGHill »

    14 May 2009 · 9:34 pm

    Eventually, feeding the hound dog would have broken the bank.

    Then again, it occurs to me that I don’t own a proper rocker, and I’m well into the AARP years.

  3. Donna B. »

    14 May 2009 · 11:48 pm

    I can’t do anything about the years, but I have to wonder how you’ve lived that long without a proper rocker.

  4. fillyjonk »

    15 May 2009 · 7:33 am

    …well, at least no one can say you’re “off” yours, then…

    (Feeble attempt at humor).

    I’m going to have to replace the screen door this summer; the metal cladding corroded (it’s an old door) and the plywood middle has soaked up the copious rain we have. So not only does it look ugly but I have to fight with it to get it to close.

    I’m hoping there’s a nice man employed by Lowe’s who can do it for me. I am not so good with things that require large pieces of metal being set square. (Alternatively, I may have to bribe some of the nice men in my department with an offer of a home cooked lunch and see if some of them will come over and help me)

  5. Tatyana »

    15 May 2009 · 12:19 pm

    ya’ll sound like the next episode of Desperate Housewives

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