Metal fatigue

Gold? Platinum? Titanium? Old hat, says JPMorgan Chase:

Chase Card Services, a division of JPMorgan Chase & Co. today introduced Chase BlueprintSM, an innovative set of features that dramatically improves the way customers can manage their spending and borrowing.

Blueprint will be available at no charge to twenty million customers using one of four leading Chase cards: Chase FreedomSM, Chase SapphireSM, SlateSM from Chase (formerly Chase Platinum), InkSM from Chase and other Chase business cards.

Slate? Ink? And you thought American Express (Optima, Blue, Clear) was weird. But you should see the names Chase threw away:

  1. Cubic zirconia
  2. Dilithium
  3. Microfiber
  4. Bismuth subsalicylate
  5. Malevolent scum [oh, sorry, that’s some other bank]
  6. Platformate
  7. Unobtainium
  8. Macrofiber
  9. Boron
  10. Gypsum

Ultimately, no one will understand any of this stuff, which presumably is the whole idea.


  1. fillyjonk »

    16 September 2009 · 9:57 am

    Oh, man. I heard a card advertised some weeks ago and it was one that made me go “what the heck?” Now I can’t remember what the alleged material was for the card, but it was something that struck me as really dumb.

    Carbon, maybe?

  2. Jeff Shaw »

    16 September 2009 · 11:08 am

    What? No K-Metal from Krypton?

  3. McGehee »

    16 September 2009 · 1:05 pm

    They could try offering a bakelite card, but they’d have to make sure Bakel would qualify.

  4. fillyjonk »

    16 September 2009 · 5:59 pm

    Bakelite would be interesting, but it’s awfully flammable. And smells of camphor when it gets wet.

  5. Roberta X »

    17 September 2009 · 6:31 am

    No, that’s celluloid.

  6. Brian J. »

    17 September 2009 · 2:27 pm

    I wish someone would introduce a palladium card.

    Because I bought into a Palladium mining concern and the depression is eating into the need for high tech things made with palladium.

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