Cervix with a smile

Where Blythe will make the millions she so richly deserves:

Developing a very special, very new product: the home Pap smear. Seriously, every effing time I turn around, I’m making an appointment (six months in advance) to see my gyno so she can charge me a bajillion dollars to swab my bajingo. I’m over the two hour wait and am all set answering awkward questions about my sex life and lady parts. Hence the home Pap smear. A medical degree is not required to successfully carry out a smear. Mainly, one only needs to be comfortable with her own body and voila! Dollar dollar bills saved, y’all. Send it off to a lab and you’re good till next year. I am so serious about this.

I think this is a brilliant idea, though I’m unsure whether I’m looking forward to the inevitable follow-up: the home DRE kit, which might be a bit more involved than bajingo-swabbing.


  1. fillyjonk »

    2 November 2009 · 10:07 am

    Uh, I don’t know how well this will work out. I am just thinking of a few years ago, when my allergist moved, how his shot-nurse told me, “I can teach you how to give yourself allergy shots! It’s really easy!” The mere thought of that required me to sit down rather quickly.

    If the “squick factor” of giving myself an allergy shot can bring me near to passing out, I suspect that there are a good proportion of the female populace who will remain happy to pay their GYNs for the particular service.

    (And yes, I realize, if I ever develop insulin-dependent diabetes I’m in for a world of problems.)

  2. McGehee »

    2 November 2009 · 10:45 am

    A DIY mammogram kit would find a number of eager customers, I’m told — but only if it doesn’t involve a workbench vise.

  3. fillyjonk »

    2 November 2009 · 10:48 am

    A mammo does not have the same horrors as a Pap. (I guess Blythe wasn’t thinking about the speculum? Or maybe she just doesn’t have speculum issues.)

  4. paulsmos »

    2 November 2009 · 2:30 pm

    I’ve always enjoyed “foggy mountain breakdown” played vigorously on bajingo!

  5. CGHill »

    2 November 2009 · 2:36 pm

    I am so not going there.

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