The pertinent word is “tool”

Someone had the audacity (not the audio-editing software) to ask this at Yahoo! Answers:

I am interested in finding a blog response tool that will automatically post comments to relevant blog topics to help promote our business/products (ie. someone blogs about one of our products, then our automatic response posts a comment with a link/promotional code to buy that product).

Does anyone know if a tool like this exists?

In other words, he would like to spam, and he’d like our assistance in getting started.

Let’s see. There’s “No,” and then there’s “Hell, no.” What’s next?


  1. Heather D. »

    3 December 2009 · 2:23 pm

    My third tier answer would be “No f*ing way!”, with the appropriate degree of the “f” word. (fudging, farking, etc.)

  2. Cary »

    3 December 2009 · 2:28 pm

    I was going to say something similar to what she said
    but decided not to because I thought it might not
    be acceptable.

    So thank you Heather.

  3. fillyjonk »

    3 December 2009 · 3:03 pm

    How about this as a response:

    “Find a large pair of strong scissors. Now go to every power cord in your place of business. Apply the scissors to the power cord, and with a scissoring motion, connect the blades to the cord. Keep working until the cord is in two separate parts; that will allow the spam to enter the system.”

    Alternative answer: long walk, short plank, deep water with sharks in it.

  4. Cary »

    3 December 2009 · 3:11 pm

    Long water short plank sharks in water.

    Sounds familiar.

  5. Cary »

    3 December 2009 · 3:12 pm

    water =walk

  6. localmalcontent »

    3 December 2009 · 5:55 pm

    Eh, I took pity on the poor soul and answered his Yahoo! question, essentially telling him there’s no such thing as a short cut to success, moron.

  7. McGehee »

    3 December 2009 · 6:18 pm

    FJ, you left out the last step in his quest to send his spam onto the internet: once he’s cut all those cords, he still needs to go into his laundry room, unplug the dryer, and remove the receptacle cover from the wall so he can access the wires directly. Then he needs to touch the red wire with a moistened finger on one hand, and the black wire with a moistened finger on the other hand.

    If he regains consciousness, repeat as needed.

  8. Baby M »

    4 December 2009 · 8:33 am

    I submitted an answer about an online Nigerian pharmacy that sells discount software and runs a dating service on the side.

    The question has since been deleted.

  9. CGHill »

    4 December 2009 · 9:01 am

    He’ll be back, probably asking why his question was deleted, since it wasn’t offensive or anything.

    Wrong-O, Buffalo Bob.

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