Tales WAGD

Lynn performs the analysis:

There is a certain movie formula which I’m sure has a name already but since I don’t know what it is I’m going to give it the somewhat clumsy acronym WAGD, for We’re All Gonna Die. (To be more accurate it should be We’re Trapped and We’re All Gonna Die but that would make a really terrible acronym.) In a WAGD movie a group of people is trapped somewhere — in a boat, a submarine, a plane, a space ship, a snowed-in ski resort — and something or someone is killing people one by one. These deaths generally follow a certain pattern, with some variation. The first two people to die are clearly expendable. They’re red-shirts — characters we never have a chance to get emotionally attached to. The third person to die is the black guy. Yes, sorry, that’s always the way it is. He might not always be literally the third but soon after the clearly-expendables have been killed, the black guy is going to get it. (Exception: If the black guy is played by a big name star he might have a chance.) He isn’t counted as just another one of the clearly-expendables because he is usually allowed a little character development. He is a nice guy and may have a useful skill which the other characters will miss. Next, any number of “Oh No He Can’t Die” characters will die, including a woman if there is more than one woman in the group. Finally, the last person to be killed is the one guy we really want to see get it — the dangerously stupid guy.

You know, this could almost turn into a drinking game.


  1. Brett »

    27 January 2010 · 4:29 pm

    That headline — I must let you know it reminded me how much I completely, totally and utterly despise people who are cleverer than I am.

  2. unimpressed »

    28 January 2010 · 5:02 am

    When I first looked at the headline, “Wild Assed Guess Department” just popped into my head. I’ve been reading your last day’s articles in reverse. My first thought was that this had something to do with the chronologically later math post. I believe most people use my WAG at the acronym to “do” math. Much the same applies to spelling, word usage and punctuation.

    I think I was right on the leading edge of the “new” math when I was in grade school. It hadn’t quite taken full control so I believe I managed to avoid most of it. It’s either that or my math teachers simply hadn’t been forced to fully embrace the idiocy until later. The answer wasn’t quite as important as the path to arrive there, as I recall. One teacher in particular would grade a problem “line by line”. You’d only lose “points” on the portion of the problem you actually missed. However, she’d make sure that you understand what you did wrong.

    I probably didn’t explain that well.

  3. McGehee »

    28 January 2010 · 8:18 am

    And when I saw the headline I wondered where that radio station was.

  4. CGHill »

    28 January 2010 · 8:22 am

    Used to be in Terre Haute. (Now it’s WWSY.)

  5. unimpressed »

    28 January 2010 · 6:59 pm

    Charles’ headlines are so original and off-the-wall that I attempt to guess where he’s going with it.

    I don’t think my track record is any better than his guesses at POTY. :)

RSS feed for comments on this post