Archive for Birthday Suitable

Not part of the plan

There are such things as work clothes, you know:

Police and firefighters escorted a man off the roof of a home who was naked except for a towel.

Police say the man had been trying to burglarize a Culver City condo — while naked — and was spotted by a neighbor, who called authorities.

The suspect fled and tried hiding inside a chimney at a house nearby in Ladera Heights — and became stuck.

Does it get better? Of course it does:

Neighbors said they heard a voice coming from the chimney.

Witness Portia Wofford, not knowing he was the suspect, said she continued to talk to him.

“He also wanted to know if I believed in a higher power because he was telling his story that he’s been drugged, drugs have been laced, he has no clothes on,” Wofford said.

At least one of those statements was true.

(Via Juliette Ochieng.)

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All that flesh

This guy is distraught: My mother refuses to wear clothes in the house. What should I do?

He did provide some exposition, which he later deleted, but apparently he’s a graduate student still living at home, and it’s not like she just started doing this, either. I toyed with the idea of asking for Mom’s phone number, decided against it, and finally came up with this:

I have known several women who said that they’d routinely go nude, once the kids grew up and moved out of the house. You’re 23, so I suspect she was expecting you to be gone by now. But if she’s been doing this for thirteen years, well, you’ve had plenty of time to get used to it.

You might take a few minutes out from your studies and try to figure out why you feel threatened by a naked woman.

The other angle I was thinking of was “Think of it as part of your rent,” but I suspect that would have gone right over his head.

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Whizzing down to Circle K

Let me rephrase that. Florida Man here was whizzing on Circle K:

A naked Florida man couldn’t be bothered to mind his pees and Qs.

“There’s a man out here butt naked!” exclaimed a woman speaking to a 911 operator after witnessing a man wearing nothing but his birthday suit attempt to enter a convenience store several days ago.

When the 911 technician asked if the man was sporting any weapons, the caller stated, “No, he is like nude. Nude. He’s very nude!”

Employees at the Daytona Beach Circle K locked the store so he couldn’t enter. That’s when he allegedly began urinating on the doors, according to TV station WESH.

Cops in the area quickly responded, but that’s when the nude, lewd dude reportedly turned his attention on the officers by allegedly trying to “sling urine” on them.

Man, that’s some serious body control, if he can actually sling the stuff.

The police addressed the issue by covering him with Mace.

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Not entirely alone

This popped into my tweetstream. It was from a public account, but I feel like I ought to strip her identity, just on general principle:

Just had a momentary bit of panic!!

Was in the backyard making a bit of a noisy ruckus when from over the privacy fence I hear “good morning”.

That was a surprise.

The fact that I was in my backyard wearing only sandals at the time made my heart totally stop.

Not sure if I should say “Been there,” but I can definitely say “done that.”

Addendum: While I was writing this up, Pizza Girl rang the bell. I was, let us say, sufficiently dressed to avoid any repercussions.

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Meanwhile in the Sunscreen State

Pasco County, Florida is perhaps the nudest location in the nation. So this doesn’t seem too surprising [warning: autostart video]:

Troopers say three women in the nude became combative when they were confronted at a rest stop. One of the ladies is accused of trying to hit a trooper with her car, and another allegedly tried to swing at a trooper with a metal bat.

Around 11:15 a.m. Wednesday, Florida Highway Patrol troopers were dispatched for a call about three naked women at a rest stop on northbound I-75 — south of State Road 54.

“There’s three women standing in the nude putting on suntan lotion,” one of the troopers is heard saying in the dispatch call audio.

The women, later identified as Oasis Mcleod, 18, Jeniyah Mcleod, 19, and Cecilia Young, 19, told the trooper they were “air drying” after showering, according to FHP. As the trooper was trying to get information, FHP says the women got into a white 2009 Nissan Sentra and drove southbound into the northbound rest area entrance.

(Via Fark.)

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He had nothing to hide

Then again, neither did the arresting officer:

A Stockholm policeman arrested a fugitive criminal on Friday evening after the two met completely naked in a steam sauna.

The officer was just starting to acclimatize to the intense heat, when through the haze, he realized that one of the men sitting next to him was a drugs offender who had gone on the run after being sentenced to prison.

“By a coincidence, and rather amusingly, they both recognized each other in the sauna,” Christoffer Bohman, deputy police chief in the Stockholm district of Rinkeby, told Swedish state broadcaster SVT.

I’m guessing concealed weapons were not involved.

(Via Katrina Hill.)

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Slickening experience

I’m not quite certain I buy this guy’s explanation:

A naked man attempted to board a plane at Moscow’s Domodedovo Airport while shouting that clothes make him less aerodynamic, the REN TV television channel reported Saturday.

The man passed through the Ural Airlines flight’s registration before suddenly stripping off his clothes and running stark naked onto the jet bridge, eyewitnesses said.

“He shouted that he was naked because clothing impairs the aerodynamics of the body. He flies with more agility when undressed,” REN TV quoted a fellow passenger as saying.

The nude intruder was intercepted by airport staff before he could make it onto his plane to Crimea. He was later detained by police officers.

I’ve heard this sort of thing before. About a year or so ago, I caught a video on Vimeo (since deleted, or so it seems) featuring a presumably nude nine-year-old girl, shot mostly above the clavicle for good reasons, explaining the advantage of not wearing a swimsuit: “It won’t slow you down in the pool.” Then again, she lives at a resort with the rest of her family, and as far as I know, she has no reason to fly to Crimea.

(Via Bayou Renaissance Man.)

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One of your closer calls

Truth be told, I don’t think the poor fellow was really worried about that particular detail:

A driver has had a lucky escape after his car plunged 400m off a cliff and on to a nudist beach.

The male driver was bleeding but not seriously injured after the crash on to Sillery Sands, a beach in Devon that is popular with naked sunbathers in the summer.

The motorist climbed up to a set of holiday apartments to raise the alarm.

The remarkable thing here is that he apparently got out of the car before it went over the edge:

A spokesperson for Devon and Cornwall Police said: “We received information of debris on the road in the area where the accident was reported. Further investigations revealed the vehicle had gone off the road down into a ravine having had serious damage caused to it. The driver of the vehicle was subsequently located apparently uninjured.”

And now I have to wonder how many sun-worshippers actually show up:

Sillery Sands is a small beach of sand and light shingle south-west of Foreland Point. Due to storm damage, this beach is now only accessible along the shore from Lynmouth on very low tides. Normally, the closest parking would be at lay-bys on the descent from Countisbury to Lynmouth. The coastal path runs just below the road, and the path to the beach branches off a little further up. Unfortunately this has been closed, and is becoming overgrown due to lack of use / maintenance. It ends approximately 20 feet above the shore, where the steps have been washed away and there isn’t a way down these last few feet without a rope or a ladder.

Unless, of course, your car plunges off the edge.

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What swimsuit?

I can’t quite imagine this sort of thing happening here:

Men, women and children of all ages are set to take part in a nude session at a water park in Stoke-on-Trent next month.

The event at Festival Park’s Waterworld will allow for people to strip off and enjoy the venue’s water shoots and slides in nothing but their own skin.

The skinny dipping session from 8 to 10pm on April 13 is one of a series being organised by British Naturism, which aims to “make social nudity more acceptable” across the country.

Others are bound to take place at Blackpool’s Sandcastle Waterpark.

Blame me and my lack of imagination.

Once upon a time, a friend told me that a local water park, on an irregular basis, had occasional nude nights, with the lights dimmed and the dress code discarded. At the time, I did not take her seriously, although in retrospect this was probably because (1) I really, truly wanted to see her naked, but could imagine no circumstances under which this would take place, and (2) given the circumstances of the moment, I couldn’t envision any reason why she’d tell me this. (The most likely explanation — “You idiot, she’s asking you out” — never occurred to me, though her best bud assures me that it could not possibly be so.)

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I wouldn’t know

Someone on Quora was asking: “How many women sleep nude?”

There have been scores of surveys over the years, and no two of them ever seemed to agree; certainly I have no way of conducting my own research, as it were. But this answer, by TV writer Jenn Lloyd, resounds with what sounds to me like the ring of truth:

I used to, until I moved to Los Angeles and became stricken with the fear that I would be found nude under the rubble of my own home following a major earthquake. Nobody needs to see that on the evening news.

“Hey, it’s not my fault,” grumbled Saint Andrew.

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Having opened my big yap

A kid on Quora asked this two years ago, and I sort of wonder what became of him:

I’m 14, male, I live with my mom, and I enjoy nudism, but I want to practice it outside my room. How should I bring this up to my mom, and get her okay?

Now fourteen is just about the age where I discovered the occasional wonderfulness of leaving one’s clothes behind, but it never occurred to me to try to get permission.

After puzzling over the matter for several minutes, I came up with this scheme:

The first question is this: does she know you’re nude in your room? If she does, it’s a short rhetorical jump to “Would it bother you if I came down for dinner like that?” I mean, it’s not like you’re up to something sneaky.

If she doesn’t know, you’re going to have to let her know that this is what you are. Assuming she has a day job, and you get home before she does, you show up in your birthday suit doing something totally innocuous, like raiding the refrigerator. Suddenly the state of your wardrobe moves up to Topic A. A typical mom response: “And just how long have you been doing this?” Tell her. And reassure her that you’re not wandering in the woods like that late at night.

I do know several — not all that many, but enough to suggest a trend — women who would love to go nude themselves but aren’t about to with the kids still at home. Don’t count on a revelation like that — but should it come, you’ve done her a favor.

By “not all that many” I mean “fewer than six.”

This age is sort of a fulcrum in these matters: some suddenly want to start experimenting, and some, probably just as many and maybe more, become utterly horrified at the thought of Being Seen.

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The unmarked of Zorro

I can’t say this is surprising, but then nothing really is anymore:

Milwaukeeans needed distraction during the Great Depression. Urbanism, it seemed, was failing them. The great brick and mortar works that had once powered the city were quieting and people were growing desperate and questioning things they had never before questioned.

So, in the spring of 1934, when Dr. Alois Knapp arrived in Milwaukee promising to build a state-wide movement back to nature — and out of clothing — people paid attention.

Knapp was an Austrian. He had trained as a priest, but found the law more intriguing. He and his brother left their homeland between the World Wars and settled on a huge plot of Indiana farmland. Finding Americans to be a people in desperate need of a relaxing and affordable means of escape from the speed of modern life, he transformed 180 acres of the land into a nature resort. At Knapp’s resort, dubbed “Zorro Nature Camp,” clothing was forbidden, bringing to the US the long-established European practice of nudism.

Which seems quirky, since Zorro, aka Don Diego de la Vega, had only just been created in 1919 by Johnston McCulley. Then again, the Zorro stories were set in pre-Gold Rush, Spanish-speaking California, about as unMilwaukeelike a place as was imaginable.

Knapp found a following in both Indiana and across the Midwest. In Milwaukee, a local man named Max Hilbig became such a devotee of Knapp that he pledged 100 acres of land in Sauk County to establish Wisconsin’s first-ever nudist camp. Knapp came to Milwaukee in April 1934 to dedicate the camp and drum up support for his cause.

Upon arriving in the city, Knapp and a handful of his Zorro Camp members appeared as the Gayety Theater on N. Third Street to deliver a lecture on the benefits of nudism. Before he spoke, the Milwaukee Police Department’s morals squad paid him in a visit in his hotel room, evidently to inform him of the city statutes against indecent performances.

Quelle surprise.

The local media was quite amused with the doctor and his practices. Visiting him in the lobby of Belmont Hotel, they reported that he had indeed attracted a small group of followers, all of whom, it was noted, were fully dressed, as was the doctor. Although not a medical doctor (he declined to say which kind he was), Knapp extolled the many benefits of nudism. He said the practice helped Germany to rebuild after the war, cutting down on juvenile delinquency and “moral irregularities.”

“Nudism is not nakedness,” he told the Milwaukee Journal. “Poise [and] firmness of tissue reveal character. Complete freedom is hard to acquire under the impediment of clothes.” He even declared that nudism would lead to the end of war. The generals, he said, would have no place to pin their medals.

Germany, in fact, did get its first officially-sanctioned nude beach in 1920, though the Third Reich would have none of that and banned the still-newish FKK movement. Nazis weren’t a problem in Wisconsin, but ordinary citizens were annoyed, and said so, with the results you’d likely expect:

By the spring of 1935, Milwaukee nudists had joined with the brand-new Wisconsin Nudists Association and expected their membership numbers to spike that summer. Having abandoned the Sauk County camp, the group had acquired a small plot of wooded land.

They refused to divulge its location.

I know not what became of the Association, but there remains a Nudists of Wisconsin page on Facebook.

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Bundle up, children

In 2009, Jean-Julien Chervier wrote and directed La Fonte des neiges (“The melting of the snows”), a two-reeler in which a horrified 12-year-old boy is dragged to a naturist camp by his cheerfully naked mom; in a spectacularly passive-aggressive move, he wears about twice as much as might be appropriate for the season, plus blackout glasses.

I don’t remember my mom ever being cheerful, let alone naked, but I did sympathize with the overdressed lad. Things happen when you’re twelve:

Hormones start rushing through our veins and we become very insecure. Add to that a lot of important decisions that suddenly have to be made and a group of friends of whom some are slightly further in the process and others slightly behind.

You need to think about what you want to study, you need to decide which music you like, you need to find a girlfriend or a boyfriend, you need to have sex for the first time and most importantly: you need to belong. At that age, you can’t afford to make a mistake. You’re a skater and you wear baggy pants and grow your hear and listen to some kind of punk music. You’re a nerd and have to know everything about the latest games and star wars and Stephen Hawking. Being a naturist isn’t often seen as the best choice at this age. It has very little visual aspects which make it easy to become one. Except the nudity of course, but let that be the one thing you’re currently completely uncomfortable with.

I had a sister who, at twelve, declared herself a nudist, but I don’t remember anyone in her peer group who ever followed her example, and after she died (early forties), friends of hers descended upon me and asked why she was That Way. I had no answer for them. The happy few friends of mine who go unclad when they can — the operative word is “few” — all seem to have started experimenting with it during adolescence.

And that French kid eventually got talked out of his clothing by (quelle surprise) a girl visiting the camp, with the help of an odd-looking plant she’d found on the premises.

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Skin in the game

It should surprise no one to hear that mostly-unclad women have greater-than-average command of my attention, but it’s still a little dispiriting to see it as a political ploy:

Fausta observes:

They don’t look too happy, but then, they’re not wearing clothes and it’s cold in Vermont.

This photo is a reasonable argument for ballots the size of a CVS receipt. And while “naked” is almost a given here, “unafraid” introduces some nuance:

Unafraid of what? Of looking silly for objectifying themselves and sexualizing politics once more?

Or are they afraid that someone will catch the subliminal message, “Vote Democrat and lose your shirt”?

I wonder what the reaction would be to a similar effort put forth by the GOP.

On second thought, I don’t have to wonder at all.

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Limited wardrobe

In the fall of 2007, Mary-Kate Olsen, whichever one of the twins she is, disclosed that “I run around my house naked with heels all the time. It’s so funny.” Not for a minute would I question her word, though I am forced to admit that literally at no time in my life have I been in the physical presence of a woman wearing nothing but heels. I did, however, feel compelled to agree with this:

The problem with saying that you’ve never seen something done, of course, is that eventually word gets back to someone who does it. She’s marked her Twitter account private, so I shan’t quote her here, but the gist of her response was that she routinely wears heels, and if she’s out and about and gets the urge to take her clothes off, which where she lives is legal within certain limits, she’s certainly not going to discard her shoes.

At this point, I decided I probably ought to clam up.

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Once a year, every year

From deepest 1970, the Cattanooga Cats:

“You keep using that word,” said Inigo Montoya. “I do not think it means what you think it means.”

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Cul de sack

Florida Man has nothing to wear, and he likes it like that [warning: autostart video]:

People who live in a Stuart neighborhood say their neighbor does yard work and walks around his property naked. They say they’ve called the sheriff’s office, but deputies say, there is nothing they can do.

“I came out Sunday night to put the trash out, and I look over and he is bent over, winding up his hose, and I’m like that is my view of the neighborhood,” says Melissa Ny, a neighbor.

Concerned neighbors want to crack down on this naked truth, the man who lives at the end of their street is a nudist.

“He works on his car, and he does it naked and everyone has called the police, he is just out there doing his yard work, whatever he needs to do outside, naked,” says Ny.

What does the law say?

Several people in the neighborhood have called the Martin County Sheriff’s office, but say deputies tell them as long as he isn’t touching himself inappropriately, there is nothing they can do since he is on his own property.

I thought she said he was winding up his … um, never mind.

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Young and stitchless

I admit, I wasn’t expecting this:

Two-thirds of Millennials report sleeping in the nude, the poll by the mattress review site MattressAdvisor.com found.

Joe Mercurio, a project manager with Mattress Advisor, said he stumbled across several articles suggesting that people sleep better without clothes — and he decided to find out more.

He surveyed over 1,000 people across the country, 58 percent of whom said they sleep in the nude. Nude sleepers also report better sleep quality than pajama-wearers.

Not surprisingly, men are more likely to sleep naked than women — though more than half of women still report sleeping without any clothes. Only 39 percent of Boomers sleep in the buff, compared with nearly 65 percent of Millennials, the survey found.

Admission: When I first saw this overwhelming preference for sleeping nude by Millennials, I assumed it was due to the high cost of pajamas. (Not that I’d know, not having bought any since the 1960s.)

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Sounds like a plan

Though one should perhaps never say “never”:

I’ve left off the accompanying photo, though clicking in the right place will yield it up. If you’d rather not, I’ll tell you that there are five people in the photo, three women and two men, presumably near or at retirement age. One of the women is wearing shoes.

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Coming out in the wash

Or, um, something to that effect:

A University of Central Oklahoma professor has been accused of exposing himself at a laundromat.

William Franklin Stockwell, 67, was charged Monday in Oklahoma County District Court with a felony count of indecent exposure and a misdemeanor count of acts resulting in gross injury. If convicted, Stockwell could spend years in prison.

Stockwell was arrested Aug. 7 after Edmond police received a report that he had dropped his pants in front of a woman and her child, revealing his buttocks, according to a court affidavit. The incident occurred at the Edmond Laundromat at 317 E 2nd St.

Most exciting thing that’s happened in Edmond in weeks.

I shudder to think what might have prompted this, um, revelation.

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Feel the shrink

Some people just aren’t paying attention to the details:

Obvious newbie. Anyone routinely naked who is seated for any length of time will be seen to have brought a towel, which would have prevented the family jewels from dropping through the chair slats. I keep a stack of towels in the living room, not that I get a lot of visitors or anything.

(Via Lynn.)

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The untimely wearing of leather

Parts of Europe are overly warm these days, forcing governments to Take Action:

The government in southern Sweden have granted permission for cows to visit nudist beaches during the prolonged summer heatwave, despite complaints from locals, it’s reported.

According to The Local news website, nudists have been complaining to officials in provincial Smaland about livestock visiting their beaches, saying that their presence is “unhygienic and could pose a health risk”.

It says the roasting summer heat affecting much of continental Europe has led to drought throughout the country, and has meant that farmers have been struggling to feed their animals.

This has meant that some farmers have decided to slaughter their cattle earlier than usual; but others have instead decided to bring their livestock to nearby nudist beaches, in order to cool them down, public broadcaster SVT reports.

“When it’s this dry, you don’t want cows to be brought to slaughter out of necessity. They need to be able to bathe, eat and drink,” municipal official Peter Bengtsson says.

Still: who has priority?

Complaints from bathers have led to municipal Vaxjo’s Culture and Leisure Department taking a vote on whether the cattle were ok to visit, and have ruled they “have just as much right to be there as the human visitors.”

Said humans should of course watch where they step, as they should in the presence of cattle anywhere else.

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Textile analysis

Anything that begins “What is it with society?” automatically earns the side-eye:

What is it with society? I have a form of vestiphobia according to my psychologist and so many people are not compassionate at all!?

I hate wearing clothing due to my body thermostat being out of wack and I’m allergic to certain kinds of fabric, but people are so uncomfortable being around someone that prefers not to wear anything and this greatly reduces my social life! Obviously in public there are laws that force me to be dressed, but why are people so uncomfortable with letting me be undressed in social situations where the public can’t see? It’s just crazy and not fair.

“Oh, you poor thing. Go ahead and take your clothes off.” — nobody ever.

Those of us who do without clothing when we can learned a long time ago that this was going to reduce our social lives; it’s unreasonable for us to expect that our naked bodies will always be welcomed with open arms. Yes, it would be nice if there was more social acceptance to be had; but it’s an issue we can’t force, and even if we could, we shouldn’t. I’m interpreting “social situations where the public can’t see” as “I answered the door nude, and they threatened to call the police.” And what he might read as “compassion,” I’m thinking might be closer to “Humor him, honey. He might do something drastic.”

There are friends I’ve had for two decades and more who, if they’re coming over, will call first so I have time to throw on something more than a robe. The deal is: they’re still friends. Our alleged vestiphobe would never comprehend such a thing.

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Advance notice

Should you warn your neighbors about your tendency to go about without any clothes on? British Naturism took on this question:

Despite the news we announced a few weeks ago confirming that Naturism is perfectly lawful, a number of high-profile publications have come out during the heatwave with nonsense about nude sunbathing. It’s misleading, irresponsible and — worst of all — based on a social media post from a year ago. Obviously a slow news week.

BN have since been courted by other media outlets (a nice one for example in The Guardian) and have taken the opportunity on behalf of all Naturists and wannabe Naturists (of whom there are many more in this hot weather seeing the complete sense of taking it all off so as to cool down) to put the record straight.

Being naked in a public place can only be a crime if the naked person undressed with the intention of causing alarm and distress.

This is the law in the United Kingdom. In the US, not so much.

Are we clear on that? There is no need to “warn” your neighbours that you are sunbathing naked (or even topless, as one article had it — we’re in the 21st Century, did you know that?) in the same way that you wouldn’t consider warning them about the wafting smells from your soon-to-be-lit BBQ, embarking on playing noisily with your kids or anticipating cheering loudly for all the street to hear when Harry Kane scores his seventh in Russia.

Should you care, Mr Kane is a striker for Tottenham Hotspur and the captain of the English national team.

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Unsuited him

He was a quiet — and sometimes not so quiet — advocate for those who’d prefer to leave their clothing behind:

The conversion of Turner V. Stokes began with teenage skinny-dipping and concluded, some 30 years later, at a nudist retreat in the foothills of the Allegheny Mountains. He had gone mainly out of curiosity, taking his wife after their two children had grown up and left home. What he found, he later said, was “a feeling of freedom”” and a growing sense that the nudist movement could “benefit humankind.”

Mr. Stokes, an engineer who usually wore a suit in the office but nothing at the beach, went on to become one of the most prominent advocates of nudist spaces, calling for protections for those who wished to bare all in the face of hostility from government officials, religious leaders and other critics who linked nudity to moral perversity.

As president of the country’s largest nudist organization and then as chief of its government affairs committee and political fundraising branch — Nudepac — he became “an omnipresent figure in Washington,” said Bev Price, current president of the American Association for Nude Recreation.

I’m guessing his wife went along with this, though perhaps the most common complaint of men in nudism is the Reluctant Spouse.

Mr. Stokes, who viewed nudism as a civil rights issue and spearheaded political and legal campaigns on behalf of the unclothed, died June 23 at his son’s home in Nanjemoy, Md. He was 90.

Hmmm. Maybe there’s something healthful about this after all. (Then again, Mr. Stokes was felled by prostate cancer, which almost certainly ignores the covering, or uncovering, of one’s junk.)

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Whatever the traffic will bare

A couple of years ago, I anted up £10 to help support the planners of that year’s World Naked Bike Ride, at least partially motivated by curiosity as to how London police dealt with dozens of unclothed cyclists. The controlling legal authority, apparently, is the 2003 Sexual Offences Act, and recently Her Majesty’s Government decided to provide some guidance [pdf] in such matters. An excerpt:

At the time that the Sexual Offences Act was debated in Parliament, care was taken to word the legislation in a way specifically intended to avoid it impinging on the rights and activities of naturists. Consequently, the Act requires that a sexual offence dimension would need to be involved for public nudity to constitute the offence of exposure under section 66 of the Act. This would involve deliberately exposing genitalia towards another person with the intention ofthem seeing and being caused alarm or distress (“flashing” or sometimes referred to as “indecent” exposure).

The common law offence of outraging public decency applies when a person’s behaviour is so lewd, obscene or disgusting as to shock a reasonable person. This has a high threshold in law that simple public nudity would not reach.

Conclusion: Get on your bikes and ride!

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You still need sunscreen

I have a stack of about ten years’ worth of The Bulletin, the monthly magazine of the American Association for Nude Recreation, and if I pop open any issue at any point, there’s a good chance I’ll see a picture of someone, and that someone will be naked, fortyish — God forbid anyone should see a twelve-year-old — and white. People of color, one might reasonably assume, have no particular need to get a tan.

That said, there exists something called the Black Naturists Association, and, as always with proper nudists, they have their own towels.

Woman wearing the signature towel of the Black Naturists Association

From their Facebook page:

Eight friends formed BNA (Black Naturists Association). Who are we?!?! We are an association that advocates nudity through naturist environments and activities to help promote healthy body images and self-esteem for those in the black community.

And they travel: a November expedition to Labadie, on the northern coast of Haiti, is already sold out.

BNA functions as a non-landed club under AANR rules; the annual dues ($90) include AANR membership. I can’t help but think this is a swell idea; there’s no reason The Lifestyle (so to speak) should be restricted to us pastier folk.

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At least wear gloves

It’s the 13th annual World Naked Gardening Day, and it helps if you’re not freezing. The predicted high temperature in Calgary is 65°F, which is slightly above normal and plenty warm enough for some brave souls:

“I love it. I think it’s a fun idea, especially after a long winter, to get out there and get some vitamin D,” Jenny Hayles, who will be gardening in the buff with her husband Colin, told the Calgary Eyeopener.

“It’s body positive, too. You’re not looking in the mirror, you have a task at hand, it makes it fun.”

And one need not be a purist about wardrobe requirements:

“I don’t think anybody is going to hold it against you if you have to put on a hat or some gloves,” said Colin.

“You’re allowed some protective gear. On a more serious note, the most important thing is the sunscreen.”

I must point out that I’ve been warning you about potential problems ever since Year One.

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Single exposure

Sunday had been a long day, what with chores to finish and yet another team of techs in to work on the water heater. They checked out about 4:15; I decided maybe I might be able to squeeze in one more load of wash. At 4:23, I dialed up Dining Express and requested a No-Name from Irma’s Burger Shack. Normal delivery, I expected, would be in 55 minutes or so, and sure enough, the email confirmation came back with “Delivery: 05:18 pm.” Given my long-standing rule to WASH ALL THE THINGS, I peeled down to, well, nothing, and loaded up the washer.

The call came at 4:30. “We’re running about 15 minutes behind,” explained the Dining Express person. Well, yeah, what with the Marathon going on, traffic was bound to be flaky.

“So, a quarter to six, then? That’s fine.”

I had just loaded my tray with newly-dry towels when the doorbell rang. It was, um, 5:18. This would normally be a bathrobe moment, but the robe in question was not to be had just then, because Wash All The Things. I shouted a warning through the front door, and popped it open.

A fortyish chap with an insulated bag stood there. “You know, the first time I go to an address, I never know just what to expect.” I came back with an idiot grin; he added, “Just last week I got caught that way.”

About a quarter to six, halfway through a basket of hand-cut fries, it occurred to me. On the checkout page there is always a section for “Special instructions for driver.” I wondered for a moment: what would happen if I filled in that box with, say, “Customer wears no clothes, but you won’t see anything”? Because they really won’t see anything; the walker blocks the view. Would they stop delivering here? I’m not sure I want to take that chance.

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Subject to burnout

While sorting through the archives, I found this item from 2006:

Well, they tried it last year, anyway, and nobody seemed particularly embarrassed, so let it be known that this is the 2nd International Co-Ed Nekkid Blogging Day, and while there are some things I have to do today with actual clothes on (shudder), today’s posts will not be among them.

To my knowledge, there wasn’t a third, and of the eleven blogs I cited as participating, only three are still up and running. Two of the three are run by women.

Be grateful I don’t have a webcam.

I have one now, but I think it’s gotten about four minutes of use in the last four years.

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