Archive for Dyssynergy

Back from the shadows again

Rob O’Hara’s back to work, and he’s got something to say about it:

[R]ight now I feel like little more than a pawn in a big game of chess that’s being played out across 24-hour news channels. I am way past whose fault the impasse belongs to, or which political party was more responsible for the stalemate. For the past 35 days, all I’ve wanted to do is go back to the job I was hired to do.

Early Saturday morning, talking heads continued to argue whether Nancy Pelosi or Donald Trump “won.” I can tell you who didn’t win. For 35 days, approximately 400,000 federal employees have been working and not getting paid. They didn’t win. Another 400,000 federal employees, including me and my wife, were prevented from working and also stopped receiving pay. We didn’t win, either. Then there are the estimated two million federal contractors who were also sent home during the furlough, and will not receive any back pay when (or if) they return to work next week. They certainly didn’t win.

I don’t think any of us who read the occasional newspaper — I subscribe to two dailies — feel the slightest bit victorious.

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And Mommy won’t buy me beer

Child with a complaint: Where can I get a cheap fake ID?

I mean, it’s just awful:

I’ve looked up all these fake ID websites and they are all $100+

I think we can safely assume he’s not primarily interested in committing vote fraud.

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One of those things that never change

Student gets bad grade, and is desperate to conceal it: How do I edit an online report card without Photoshop?

The spiel is always the same:

okay so I just saw my online report card and I’ve been skipping this class and I have a lot of absences on it and I need a way to change that without Photoshop so when my dad asks me to show him it he won’t know I’ve been skipping

Not that you could edit a Web page with Photoshop in the first place. But desperate times call for desperate measures.

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Don’t look, Ethel

Part of the Pergelator Report on a restaurant at Portland’s newish Hoxton Hotel:

The restrooms are accessed through a door in the rear of the dining room that leads to a hallway. There is a door to the kitchen there and this sign was posted on the door jamb.

What sign? This sign:

Nothing to see here

The Braille was a nice touch, I thought, though perhaps not as nice as this.

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The Internet of crap

I guess I’m old enough now to blame everything on Millennials:

I resent, bitterly, the invasions of my privacy that have been growing year by year, allowing me no say in whether or not I’m prepared to permit them. To the extent possible, I block them. I’m an old-fashioned guy, who believes in personal privacy and is prepared to invest in it to the extent I can. Unfortunately, such attitudes appear to be vanishing among modern young people. They’ve been raised in an era of corporate and government intrusiveness, to such an extent that they see little or nothing wrong with it. They even pay for voice-operated and/or “smart” gadgets in their homes, to make their lives more “convenient” — forgetting that those same gadgets can record anything and everything they do, and make it available to marketers and others. Want a passionate evening with your lover? If you have one of those gizmos in your bedroom, there will be a record of it — and who knows who may listen to it? If a divorce results from your behavior, will a lawyer obtain a court order to get a copy of it, and play it in open court to prove infidelity? What will that do to your reputation?

In 2019? Probably nothing, especially if you’re a Democrat.

Still, I can relate to this:

I feel like a technological and ethical dinosaur. Oh, well. Extinction is something we all face, sooner or later. I hope mine arrives before I become nothing more than a digit in the global, all-encompassing system. At least I can go out extending a more appropriate digit to all concerned!

While you’re at it, flip the bird to those who profess to be unconcerned.

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Two years or 20,000 ice cubes

Remember when you filled out one side of a card, slapped a stamp on the other, and the manufacturer of whatever you just bought — a refrigerator, for instance — would start the warranty forthwith? Things seem to have gotten a little more complicated:

Some goofball over there decided it would be best to set it up so you can text them a picture of a part of the warranty notice that comes with the unit, but when I tried to do that the paper was too close to the phone and the serial number was out of focus. So I took a picture from further away, including the larger-print serial number next to the intended picture, but their photo reader algorithm misread the number. I declined to confirm those numbers.

So I went online and tried again the new old-fashioned way; the first time, the wrong model number was my fault, but I went back through to try again, got it right, and discovered that neither registration was shown on my account page where it was supposed to be (I hoped to delete the wrong one). So I tried again, again making sure both numbers were correct. Still nothing on the account page.

Sometimes it’s easy; sometimes it’s Kirk vs. Nomad.

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Solution proposed

As a matter of course, some of the same complaining I do here ends up being repeated on Twitter, and this was suggested as an answer to my scumbag-solicitor problem:

Which invited another question; but this, too, was answered:

If I could drop this landline, it would save me, if not a ton of money, certainly a few kilograms here and there.

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Geographical dystopiary

These places almost defy explanation. And for a few of them, “almost” is the practical equivalent of “absolutely”:

The farther you go into this 11-minute opus, the stranger things get.

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Up to here in ticks

Wait, what?

A snake which had more than 500 ticks removed from its body has been left very weak and suffering from anemia, vets in Australia say.

Snake catchers rescued the carpet python from a backyard swimming pool on the Gold Coast in Queensland last week.

The snake, nicknamed Nike, was treated by vets for a “nasty infection.”

“[This] may have caused his immobility, allowing the ticks to take advantage of him,” the Currumbin Wildlife Hospital said in a statement posted online.

Ticks, in general, are opportunistic little bastards:

The hospital said it had also recently treated a joey koala which was found covered in more than 100 ticks.

The marsupial had been separated from its mother when it was rescued, said wildlife group Friends of the Koala.

The group said it believed the marsupial had attracted so many ticks because it was sitting on the ground, a possible sign that it was sick or injured.

It took two hours to scour the creatures off the koala.

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You know, this just might work

Back in 1972, our Basic Combat Training company was put through something called “Survival, Evasion and Escape,” which featured a simulated breakout from a POW camp, after which we were scored on how many of The Enemy’s troops we prevented from reaching friendly forces a few miles away. About halfway across, there was a river to be forded; we hit on the notion of hiding behind the farther bank, one of us every few hundred yards or so, and capturing everyone who came across. The company commander was sorely vexed, until the scores came in, and no one had gotten past us, at which time he was happy to take credit for the idea.

Which is not to say that no one else has ever thought along these lines:

Well, no, not exactly, as you’d have to keep those positions manned 24/7, and sharpshooters don’t stay sharp after being up all day and all of the night. So they’ll of necessity be a bit farther apart. (Our own little experience in 1972 was over with in less than six hours.)

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Plunder, then plundee

Or something like that, anyway:

Three people have appeared in court in Zimbabwe, accused of stealing a suitcase containing $150,000 (£117,600) of cash from the country’s ousted president, Robert Mugabe.

The suspected thieves allegedly spent the money on cars, homes and animals.

A relative of the ex-president, Constantia Mugabe, is among the accused, government-owned media report.

She allegedly had keys to Mr Mugabe’s rural home in Zvimba, near the capital Harare, and gave the others access.

The other suspects were employed as cleaners at the time of the theft, which allegedly happened sometime between 1 December and early January.

It’s kind of a shame the suitcase wasn’t stuffed with Zimbabwean dollars. In 2009, when the Reserve Bank of Zimbabwe finally threw in the towel, a Samsonite bagful might, or might not, be enough to buy a Big Mac.

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Fur high, furlough

Rob O’Hara is off work for the duration, and he’d really like to know how long this duration will be:

Back in 2013 I wrote that the first week or so of the furlough was fun — and it was, like a little free vacation … before the dark clouds moved in. By the second week of a furlough, I begin to think weird thoughts. Every day I wonder when the furlough’s going to end, and worry whether or not we have enough money in the bank to get us to the finish line. I start thinking, if things get rough, what am I going to sell, and in what order? Which car could I live without? Which laptop do I use the least? Around the end of the second week, which is today, I start thinking about getting a part time job, something to hold us over and help pay the cable bill and the cell phone bill until our paychecks start coming in. Around that same time you realize that there aren’t a lot of other jobs I could do. Nobody’s looking for a temporary network administrator. I don’t really want to deliver pizzas.

If you’d like to help out a Federal employee who never did you any harm, you can buy his old house for $400k.

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Not quite essential

The Z Man no longer answers his phone:

I’ve had the same number for a long time that I registered with the do not call registry. I have no idea if that works, but the lack of spam calls had me thinking it must have worked until recent. Out of curiosity I went to the site for the FTC to see if maybe that service had been discontinued. It turns out that it still exists, but the web site is down, supposedly because of the government shutdown.

You’ll never persuade me that it works. Too many losers get through. My wireless company has started branding as “Scam Likely” the sort of thing said losers are pushing, but my DumbPhone™ keeps the call in memory and, next time I open the phone, be it five minutes or five hours later, offers to return the call. (Dear Samsung: How about a “Like hell” button?)

This small little incident I’m describing is a microcosm of what’s wrong in the country. The FTC website should not exist. There’s no need for a do-not-call registry. The government could simply make the telephone companies responsible for the abuse that goes on with telemarketers. The phone companies would then demand the government pass laws that discourage these scams. The phone system operators would then aggressively police their networks and turn the scammers over to the state.

As if. Phone companies don’t even consider themselves responsible for providing phone service.

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Someone else’s kicks

This story broke yesterday:

An image that’s being passed off as a nude of congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was debunked as being fake by a foot fetishist on Reddit — because that’s the future we’re living in now.

On Sunday, someone posted a photo of a woman’s legs and feet in a bathtub on one of Reddit’s most popular forums, r/Drama. The post is titled “MOMMY’S TITTIES ON THE FAUCET,” with a photo of feet in a tub from the photographer’s point of view, holding a vape pen. Overlaid on the photo is the text “alexandria ocasio-cortez.instagram.post.9-3-2016.”

The obvious thing to do, of course, was to turn to those lovable pervs at Wikifeet:

There’s a small collection of Ocasio-Cortez’s feet on the site, from photos of public appearances where she’s wearing sandals or open-toed shoes. That user cross-referenced the r/drama photo with known images of Ocasio-Cortez’s feet posted on Wikifeet and determined that they are from a different person.

I found this sufficiently amusing to take a look at how run-of-the-mill WF users viewed AOC. The answer would seem to be “Not too favorably”:

“No idea who she is, but what’s really important … she has bad feet, wears ugly shoes, and her mother dresses her funny!”

“Bah! I was expecting much better than this. Vote for her. You too can have 1,000% inflation like Venezuela!”

“There’s something about her face that I really like (despite the horse teeth). Legs are also marginal; 3 or 4 after a few drinks. I just can’t abide stupidity though.”

WF uses a five-star rating system: AOC currently scores a 3.25, which is not so hot. I am confident, though, that she gives substantially less than a single damn about it.

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Quote goodbye quote

A letter to the editor of the Oklahoman, published Saturday:

How many times have you read this statement in an Associated Press story: “According to an aide who was not authorized to discuss the plan and spoke on condition of anonymity,” or something similar? When the AP uses this source for a story, it is their way of shaping the news. Read “Dems have plan to reopen govt” (Associated Press, Jan. 1). If you want to say something provocative that will motivate a particular group of people and you don’t want to have to take responsibility for your words, just use the “spoke on condition of anonymity” ploy, you get your fake news out, and you never have to defend what you’ve said. Beautiful. Just like this letter to the editor, The Oklahoman would not print it if I refused to attach my name to it.

I am of two minds about this. One of the first rules of journalism is that you never, ever burn a source; then again, secrecy of this sort is why we have a Deep State in the first place. Steve Monroe, who wrote the above letter, certainly has an opinion on the matter.

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Just ice for all

There are basically two ways to fill an ice tray, and Brian J. knows them both too well:

  1. I overfill the trays, triggering a minor ice age in the freezer as the ice cube trays freeze to each other or overflow, producing ice stalactites that hang from the ice cube trays and spill onto frozen foods below, forming structures only a wampa could love.
  2. I overcorrect for the above problem so that the ice “cubes”” are actually tiny little ice “tiles” about an eighth of an inch thick.

“Get an icemaker,” you say. Yeah, right. I have one of those dubious contraptions, and every now and then the water valve — the second water valve, I should point out — fails to close in a timely manner. The result: the ice bucket contains a single “cube” that fills it entirely, and the lower shelf of the freezer has a layer of ice about an inch and a half thick. Thank you, I’ll fill the trays and take my chances.

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Surrounded by water

And yet the fire continues to burn:

The mundane process of shipping thousands of vehicles from overseas factories to domestic ports, ahead of distribution to dealers, still contains an element of risk. And few situations are as feared by sailors as a fire at sea.

Reports are rolling in about the fate of the Sincerity Ace, a Panamanian-flagged car carrier en route from Japan to the United States. Ablaze and adrift in the mid-Pacific, the ship, which has a capacity of 5,200 vehicles, has been abandoned. A rescue is underway, as is a salvage operation.

According to Automotive News, the ship’s captain reported a fire Monday morning. The 10-year-old ship, chartered to Mistui OSK Lines by owner Shoei Kisen Kaisha, reportedly loaded its cargo at Nissan terminals in Japan and was en route to its first stop in Honolulu, Hawaii, when the fire broke out. Other ports of call on the ship’s itinerary included Mexico and stops along the U.S. Eastern Seaboard.

The last time something like this went down was 2006, when the M/V Cougar Ace rolled over on its side in the Pacific with 4700 Mazdas aboard. There’s a bit more tragedy here, though:

While 16 members of the Sincerity Ace’s crew were reportedly rescued by merchant vessels responding to the distress call, U.S. Coast Guard aircraft [were] scouring the rough seas for others. Seatrade Maritime News reports two missing crewmen, with three others presumed dead. Ocean swells in the are are said to be 15 to 18 feet high.

Since this report first appeared, one of the crewmen was found; the Coast Guard suspended its search operations, and the fire continues to burn.

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The demands of diversity

A rather long bit of comment spam wandered in here early Sunday morning; I found duplicates on several other sites, and decided I wasn’t going to run it. I did, however, feel compelled to check its papers.

Didn’t take too long to find this:

I listened to some of the hearing in question, and it’s becoming apparent that rather a lot of people think every school should have its very own star chamber.

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Have some hot cocoa

Well, maybe not this hot:

A Southern Illinois cake mix facility caught fire Saturday morning after sparks from malfunctioning utilities ignited cocoa residue.

At 8:55 a.m. the Centralia Fire Department responded to a fire call at Conagra, formerly Pinnacle Foods, a manufacturing facility that makes Duncan Hines cake frosting and mixes located at 100 Calumet St.

The fire started after an electric fan in the building shorted out, shooting sparks downward onto cocoa residue-covered rafters and other surfaces, igniting small fires and creating large amounts of smoke, Centralia Fire Captain Michael Calabrese said.

I hadn’t even noticed: In June 2018, Conagra bid $8.1 billion to take over Pinnacle; the deal closed in October. Duncan Hines himself died in 1959 at seventy-nine.

(Via Fark.)

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Keep your doggone plaque

Honors like that can kill:

Since it opened in 1927, the Strand bookstore has managed to survive by beating back the many challenges — soaring rents, book superstores, Amazon, e-books — that have doomed scores of independent bookshops in Manhattan.

With its “18 Miles of Books” slogan, film appearances and celebrity customers, the bibliophile’s haven has become a cultural landmark.

Now New York City wants to make it official by declaring the Strand’s building, at the corner of Broadway and 12th Street in Greenwich Village, a city landmark.

There’s only one problem: The Strand does not want the designation.

Nancy Bass Wyden, who owns the Strand and its building at 826 Broadway, said landmarking could deal a death blow to the business her family has owned for 91 years, one of the largest book stores in the world.

I see her point. Declaring 826 Broadway a landmark will do nothing for the Strand, but it will impose new regulations and restrictions on the owner. The powers that be, of course, see it differently:

Peg Breen, the president of the New York Landmarks Conservancy, an advocacy group, said she believed the Strand’s concerns were unfounded.

“No one is doing this to hurt the Strand, or add difficulties,” she said. “They’re doing it to honor the building.”

Ms. Breen wants more buildings in the area to be landmarked, and hopes that designating the Strand’s building and [six others] would pave the way, especially as a $250 million, 21-story tech training center is being developed near the Strand.

Which will likely be modern and hideous in that good old Soviet style.

In a corner of the Strand

Above: Janet Mock and Tavi Gevinson lead a discussion of something or other.

(Via Bayou Renaissance Man.)

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Please don’t drop me home

And if a double-decker bus
Crashes into us
To die by your side
Is such a heavenly way to die

Morrissey survives another day:

One person was taken to hospital after a London double-decker bus crashed into the front garden of a house.

The 118 Brixton service ploughed through a fence and hit the home in Streatham Vale, south London, shortly before 21:00 GMT on Boxing Day.

Three people were treated at the scene for minor injuries. The Met Police said no arrests had been made.

Streatham Vale was closed in both directions while the emergency services responded to the crash.

I wouldn’t touch that with a ten-ton truck.

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Some nebulous higher use

I think this might be a group I should avoid:

On a group called “Abandoned and Forgotten”, there are people who constantly suggest that “someone” should buy and restore buildings (“for the homeless!”), while others want to know where the photos are from so they can trespass and “explore”. A third group complain that “someone” should take the property and put it to use, for the good of society.

I admit, it might be hard to keep from saying something like this:

I commented that if I owned a building, and left it to rot and fall down, that it was nobody’s damn business about why I did so, because it was mine and belonged to me.

The socialists and goody-two-shoes came out in droves to condemn me, completely missing my point. I own it, and I don’t care what they think.

Technically, they’re not missing his point; they’re rejecting it because they can’t believe he’s so cruel and heartless and all those other fun words.

After all, according to the stereotype, socialists believe no one should own houses. (Except for Bernie Sanders, who has three.)

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And Amazon has a chestnut roaster

The Internet has screwed up Christmas shopping, says a Grauniad scold:

Christmas shopping was so much easier when stuff existed.

If you cast your mind back into the distant past, you may remember a simpler time before we lived our lives online. A time when, if you knew your mom loved Linda Ronstadt, you could purchase a recording of Linda Ronstadt, wrap it up, and place it under the tree. On Christmas morning, your mom would delightedly open the package and have something new.

It was hers, this Linda Ronstadt album. It didn’t exist as some sort of intangible entity on some distant corporate server. It was just there, in her house. Your mom had that Linda Ronstadt album, and no one could claim otherwise.

Or let’s say you were 16 and you saw Garden State with your girlfriend, Amanda, and you were both convinced it had changed your lives. Zach Braff, you realized, just understood your generation. When Christmas came around, if you were still under this mistaken impression, you could be very romantic and obtain this film for Amanda. She would treasure it. When she brought her impressive film collection to college, every time she took it out, she would think of you and those heady days of ninth grade, hanging out in Xavier’s basement. (It’s cool you had a friend named Xavier. Not a lot of people do.)

It was a time when the various media everyone accrued was a fundamental part of who they were. Helping to expand others’ collections was a way of helping them build that identity. You were saying: hey, I know what you care about and by God, I’m going to find it for you. And it won’t even be that hard.

I don’t want to brag, but I used to be a great gift giver. You mentioned Smokey Robinson on our first date? Bam, you’re getting the Tamla Motown Gold Collection. You like Sleater-Kinney? Prepare for some B-sides in your stocking. You think you’re some kind of “film buff?” I’ll find you some weird black and white thing you can claim to be really into.

But every year, as more and more stuff evaporates from the physical world to take up residence on a subscription service, the holidays get a little harder. It’s not like you can just buy someone a Netflix account — that’s a monthly financial commitment, and anyway I think there’s only about three accounts in existence, shared by 78% of the global population.

I realize having unlimited access to every form of media ever created has its perks. I just get a bit nostalgic around this time of year.

Fortunately, one ancient technology seems, against the odds, to be surviving. Yes, Borders is gone, Barnes and Noble is in trouble, and e-readers are omnipresent. But small bookshops have actually seen growth, and ebooks just can’t seem to kill off their paper predecessors. Even Amazon, the maker of the Kindle, is going out of its way to promote real books with its own physical shops.

A great New Yorker cover a few years ago shows an alien sitting among the post-apocalyptic wreckage of a future Earth. Nothing works any more, but the alien has still found a way to entertain itself: it’s reading a book.

I bet that alien would be really easy to shop for.

If there’s anyone left to shop for him.

I can’t get quite so exercised about matters. If one sort of gift has been reduced in stature, others are doing just fine, thank you very much.

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You were told to have happy holidays

Received in email a week ago:

Emailed Christmas card from a tree service

By the current standards of email, this is not bad at all. But seven days later, another copy — second verse, same as the first — is delivered to my mailbox. Failure of the system? No. Get a load of this:

Same email with slightly different header

Let’s hope I don’t get another one next week.

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Sunshine of your lava

Poster for Krakatoa East of Java

The bright colors of Sixties Cinerama bear little resemblance to the reality of 2018:

The BBC issued this report:

At least 20 people have been killed and 165 injured after a tsunami hit the coast around Indonesia’s Sunda Strait, government officials say.

The country’s disaster management agency says two people are missing, and dozens of buildings were damaged.

It says the possible cause of the tsunami were undersea landslides after the Krakatoa volcano erupted.

The Sunda Strait between the islands of Java and Sumatra connects the Java Sea to the Indian Ocean.

Or maybe, to give it a Hollywood flourish, “Krakatoa 2”: the eruption in 1883, sort of portrayed in that 1969 disaster film, destroyed most of the island on which the volcano sat, and killed more than 30,000 people. In 1927, a new island was detected at the site of the old one, and it continues to grow at an average of five meters per year, fed by the sort of undersea flow that may have contributed to the present-day tsunami.

Incidentally, the film lost many millions in its original release, and was given a second release under the title Volcano, the filmmakers having learned that Krakatoa is in fact west of Java.

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Press Undo

Largent House, once at 49 Hopkins Avenue, Sam FranciscoSomeone tears down a building, that’s the end of that building, and all that remains is the memory.

Except, it appears, in San Francisco:

Back in late 2017, Ross Johnston tore down a two-story home he owned in the city’s Twin Peaks neighborhood, intending to build a larger house on the same site.

The destruction of the home — known as the Largent House and designed by famed architect Richard Neutra back in the 1930s — angered neighbors who bemoaned the loss of a historic building. It also pissed off city officials, who had issued permits for the house to be substantially redesigned, not demolished in its entirety.

On Thursday, the city’s Planning Commission made what the San Francisco Chronicle is calling an “unprecedented” decision. In a 5–0 vote, it ordered Johnston to build an exact replica of the house he destroyed, save for the addition of a new plaque explaining the details of the building’s demolition and reconstruction.

“The fact that it was a unanimous vote should send a message to everyone that is playing fast and loose that the game is over,” Supervisor Aaron Peskin told the Chronicle. “We want to preserve iconic, historic structures, but even more important, we want to protect our reservoir of more affordable housing stock.”

Only in San Francisco would a $l.7 million house (it sold for that in January 2017) be considered “affordable.”

(Via Stephen Green.)

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Putting the “ass” in “mass transit”

Fillyjonk remembers taking the train at the turn of the century:

Got on the train. Managed to sleep a bit. But the train was very, very delayed: first, they had to go slowly through some areas because of the ice storm damage. Then we stopped. And sat, and sat. Eventually word trickled through a freight had derailed ahead of us and they had to clean it up. (It was a Sunday, I guess they had a hard time raising a crew to work on that, it was multiple hours.) The guys in the seat behind me had a bottle of Southern Comfort* which they proceeded to empty as the hours passed and they got louder and more “friendly” (Not in the way I like people being friendly. They commented volubly on the socks I was knitting, and made other comments, and eventually I decamped to the lounge car and was fortunately able to get a seat there.)

(*Since then Amtrak has banned people from bringing alcohol on board. Well, they wink at it in the sleepers though a good sleeping car attendant will warn sleeper car passengers not to be rowdy.)

It was pretty miserable. I also remember a young woman who had been “overserved” in some way sitting on the floor in the lounge car and complaining loudly and volubly that her uncle “owned” CSX and was gonna get all the Amtrak people fired, because … well, some injustice had been visited on her, I think the lounge car guy wouldn’t sell her another beer. A couple of conductors came by and told her that she needed to calm down or she’d be put off at the next stop (which, as it turned out, was five hours away. I think she eventually fell asleep).

I suppose it’s a good thing that this phalanx of drunkards wasn’t actually on the highway, but it seems unlikely that things have improved much, if at all, in two decades.

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It is what it is, unless it isn’t

Does that make sense? Apparently it doesn’t have to:

A Quebec theatre is fighting for its “freedom of creation” after getting fined $500 because an actor smoked a fake cigarette while having an argument with a woman in a giant penis suit.

During a Dec. 3 performance of Conversations avec mon pénis at the Premier Acte theatre in Quebec City, two health inspectors showed up and issued the fine for smoking in a public place after actor Marc-André Thibault lit up on stage.

Marc Gourdeau, the theatre’s artistic director, says he will likely contest the fine, arguing that you can’t violate provincial anti-tobacco rules when there’s no actual tobacco involved.

The prop cigarette, he said, was filled with sage.

The province doesn’t care what it was filled with:

The province disagrees. According to Quebec’s Tobacco Control Act, “any product that does not contain tobacco and is intended to be smoked is considered to be tobacco.”

“Smoking a sage cigarette in a theatre that is open to the public is effectively outlawed and punishable by a fine,” a Quebec health ministry spokesperson told [CBC Radio’s] As It Happens in an email.

“Inspectors of the [ministry] enforce the law as voted by the elected officials.”

(Via Matt Dawson.)

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Fark blurb of the week

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Definitely an Oddjob

Goldfincher!
He’s the man, the man with the smuggled birds —
Watch out for turds.

Which proves that the government really can stop you at the border, if you’re small enough to fit into a hair roller.

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