Archive for Potability

Can we get it oxygenated?

H Factor Hydrogen-Infused Water

This is “HFactor Hydrogen Infused Pure Drinking Water, Pre Or Post Workout Recovery Drink, Molecular Hydrogen Supports Athletic Performance, Delivers Antioxidants,” and it’s only sixteen bucks for a six-pack.

I think that if I were drinking this stuff on a regular basis, I’d get one of those fancy aluminum (American for “aluminium”) bottles to tote it around in:

Metal bottle for dihydrogen monoxide

Costs only a little more than a six-pack.

(Unearthed by Fillyjonk.)

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The non-energy drink

Plants may crave electrolytes, but we bipeds yearn for dihydrogen monoxide:

Nothing says “Hell yeah, I’m straight edge but hardcore” like knocking back a nice cold water. Former Netflix creative director Mike Cessario thinks he can capitalize on this with his new product, Liquid Death, water packaged in tallboy cans. Sorry, it appears he doesn’t think this so much as he knows this. He announced on Tuesday, according to Business Insider, that he has raised a new seed round of $1.6 million for his company. In total, he’s raised $2.25 million. Backers include Biz Stone of Twitter and founders of Dollar Shave Club and fancy-luggage start-up Away.

The cans sell direct to consumer. You can order a pack of 12 for $1.83 a can by visiting the website, where you’ll be greeted by a banner reading “MURDER YOUR THIRST” just to make sure you know how hardcore Liquid Death is. (There is a 10 percent discount if you subscribe to a regular-order schedule.) “Our proprietary Thirst Murdering process begins with Liquid Death forming a rope of veins that will wrap around your Thirst’s head and strangle it. Once Liquid Death reaches your Thirst’s brain, all of your Thirst’s memories will be replaced with repeating loops of its own head imploding. Which is exactly what happens next by it causing your Thirst’s head to implode and its brain to squirt out of its ears,” the website explains. “Once your Thirst has been murdered, the soul of your Thirst will begin to escape and float towards the ceiling. At this point, drink a second sip of Liquid Death to rip its soul back down and force it to begin gluing its own body parts back together so that it can crawl inside you and eventually grow into a fully formed Thirst once again.”

This description is actually much more subtle than their commercial.

(Via Stephen Green.)

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Pepsi-Cola hits the spot

One of the few semi-pleasant memories of my 2016 hospital was the ubiquity of the little not-quite-two-quart plastic sippy-ish cup; I liked it enough to buy a couple of them from Amazon after I got home. Yesterday, upon the arrival of dinner (Johnnie’s), I dumped the balance of a previously-opened bottle of the aforementioned soda into the cup, popped open the freezer, grabbed two ice cubes, watched as one of them fell back into the bin, and verified Newton’s f=ma equation experimentally: apparently the mass of that second cube hit the surface of the soda with exactly enough acceleration to force a small quantity of liquid upwards, descending at precisely the rate necessary to land on my left eye.

Wonder if this works with Dr Pepper.


Fark blurb of the week

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Saved by the beer

You’d almost expect something like this to happen on The Simpsons:

A man dying from alcohol poisoning was saved after doctors in Vietnam pumped 15 cans worth of beer into his body.

The 48-year-old, Nguyen Van Nhat, fell unconscious and was taken to a hospital in the central Vietnamese province of Quang Tri on December 25 where doctors found that levels of methanol — a dangerous form of alcohol — in his body were more than 1,000 times over the recommended limit, the Daily Mirror reported.

When he arrived, medical staff at the General Hospital’s Intensive Care Unit, led by Dr. Le Van Lam, immediately administered him three cans of beer, equivalent to about 1 liter. Over the course of the day, doctors transfused a total of 15 cans of beer into the man’s body at a rate of about one every hour. This slowed down the rate at which his liver processed the methanol, allowing doctors to save his life.

Beer, sweet beer. Is there nothing it can’t do?

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Hang over the edge of the crib

Oh, yeah? Let’s see:

The dehydration drink company that makes beverages that help children replenish electrolytes has designed a way for adults to do the same: It’s selling Pedialyte Sparkling Rush Powder Packs in time to help with New Year’s Eve hangovers.

“Convenient and portable, just add cold water and you’re ready to rehydrate and feel better fast,” the Pedialyte website says.

Hmpf. I know where my electrolytes are gonna come from:

(Via @BurgerVonStadt.)

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Think below the box

Through the kindness of Francis W. Porretto, we have the honor of getting a look at the entirety of “Contains Sulfites,” a 1999 sendup by Dan Atkinson of wine reviews. One brand name, so to speak, will suffice here:

Thunderbird’s “Serve Cold” (750 ml, $2.79, 17.5%), “The American Classic,” was a complex and aggressive wine from the first sniff. “The stale farts of an aging Times Square hooker,” noted Brandon, seeking vivid metaphors for the barbaric attack, “or the odor of vomit-soaked sewer grates.” Mike found the nose urinary with a hint of Windex. To me, it was a quivering bouquet of Nyquil, rotten grapefruit, and horseradish. The odors were heavy like sun on a headache, like varnish on an open sore.

The flavor was hauntingly scolding, like Mom’s cooking sherry. Quick and staccato, without subtlety, the flavors attacked: Vaseline, allegations of lime, Triaminic and bacon grease, a pile of bum yak on Burnside, a diesel train crashing into a baby duck, rancid Mountain Dew, a back-alley dumpster’s burnt caramel apple. My God, the horror! It was like waking up in a tire fire.

Each sip ended with a hydrogen peroxide sting that made you cringe and wonder if the next sip was worth it. When the glass was drained, the flavors cooled to a slow evil burn, like the lingering itch of jalapeño diarrhea. But at last we had a buzz.

We’ll make a teetotaler out of you yet, Bunkie.

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No, Mr Bond, I expect you to be dry

A bunch of Kiwi teetotalers just couldn’t resist:

James Bond is a “severe” alcoholic and should be offered medical help by his employer, MI6, academics have said.

The double agent drinks a total of 109 drinks over 24 films — an average of 4.5 per film, an analysis by researchers at the University of Otago in New Zealand found.

His record binge in Quantum of Solace (2008) saw 007, played by Daniel Craig, consume 24 units of alcohol in one sitting —”enough to kill some people.”

“Double agent”? Has anyone at the Daily Mail actually seen any of the Bond films?

Not that the researchers need to be taken more seriously:

‘We classified him as having severe alcohol use disorder, as he satisfied six of 11 DSM-5 criteria for this condition.’

The DSM-5 is The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, which is used by mental health professionals to assess disorders.

I figure, they next need to check out Popeye the Sailor, who has his surly moments and probably lymphedema of the forearms.

(Via Kim du Toit.)

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Clean on the inside

“This isn’t apple juice!” [Warning: autostart video]

Students were mistakenly served Pine-Sol instead of apple juice, according to a report released by the [Hawaii] state Department of Health.

It happened Tuesday at Kilohana United Methodist Church Preschool.

In the report, the school’s director said morning snacks were being prepared by a classroom assistant in the kitchen. The snacks consisted of dry crackers and juice.

The assistant saw the yellow/brown-colored liquid container on a clean-up cart in the kitchen, and returned to the classroom with the crackers and container with liquid. The assistant poured the liquid into cups as the classroom teacher tended to students. The classroom teacher realized it was not apple juice based on its smell, and stopped the students from drinking it.

The assistant has since left her job at the preschool, which makes me wonder if this was a last act of revenge.

Oh, and be careful around Old English furniture polish, which appears to be apple, lemon-lime, or strawberry. It is, of course, none of those things.

(Via @TheBeardWhisperer.)

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A handle on things

To explain:

Not terribly long ago, The Scotsman newspaper printed a helpful list of 15 words that have alternate meanings in Scotland. It pointed out that pudding has nothing to do with a Jell-O mix but is often a sausage made from pigs’ blood, that messages means grocery shopping, and that if you mince something, you’ve pretty much effed it up.

Unfortunately, the paper failed to include chug on the list, which is why Mountain Dew UK is being dragged across Scottish Twitter for inadvertently telling everyone that they’re chronic masturbators.

The late Roger Miller was not available for comment.

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It’s like near-beer

I had no idea this stuff even existed:

Coweta County is, or so I had thought, a dry county when it comes to package liquor sales. You can buy cocktails in a dining establishment, but not the high-octane ingredients in a store — and certainly not in a supermarket. One city in the county allows package stores, but the three stores in that city are the only legal package stores in the entire county, and it’s a long drive from these home acres of ours. This is why I make a much shorter drive into neighboring southern Fulton County to buy my cheap Scotch.

And yet here, miles away from that one city, I was looking at small and large bottles of whiskey and gin. I was mystified. And tempted. I may prefer Scotch to bourbon, but I can deal with it. I’m not running low on Scotch, though, so I settled for looking. And that’s when I saw this on one of the shelf tags:

42 Proof

Oh, ho. Apparently 21% alcohol by volume falls below the threshold at which a distilled spirit is prohibited from sale except in designated package stores.

The Georgia Department of Revenue explains, sort of:

Distilled Spirit is any alcoholic beverage obtained by distillation or containing more than 21% alcohol by volume, including but not limited to all fortified wines.

So this is the moral equivalent of 3.2 beer, which, according to Oklahoma statutes, is “non-intoxicating.”

It is to laugh.

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Feeling better about Young Influencers

It’s nice to know that standards still prevail:

Bless you, Bex.

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Drink it up

Or do you drink it down? I have no experience with, um, “energy drinks”:

Bonus points for pricing it at 69 pence.

(Via @Orwell & Goode.)

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And a lot of hippity hops

Easter falls on April Fool’s Day this year, so take this with several grains of salt:

In the world of Peeps, the gummy spring sugar bombs are best left on their own. That hasn’t stopped people from trying to make many Peeps-flavored things, but Grub still has to hand it to Dallas-area brewery the Collective Brewing Project, which has finally given the world an answer to the question: What would Peeps beer taste like?

Collective Brewing Project co-founder Ryan Deyo tells the Dallas Morning News that they hate that beer “has become this super serious thing.” So, Peeps beer — a collaboration with local bar Lone Star Taps & Caps — is part of their ongoing mission to “assert beer should be a fun thing.” Fun beer! Who doesn’t love that? The beer, called Peep This Collab, is a sour ale brewed with more than 30 boxes of Peeps, some vanilla, and butterfly-pea flower, which mixologists love because it’s a natural blossom that turns drinks a very unnatural purply blue.

Then again, if you can make beer from ramen, fercrissake, you certainly ought to be able to make beer out of Peeps.

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The future starts here

Well, a future, anyway:

Starting Sunday Hoosiers will be able to buy carry-out beer, wine, and liquor at grocery, convenience, and liquor stores for the first time in 202 years. You read that right, Sunday alcohol sales had been banned as long as Indiana has been a state.

That guy with the axe on the Indiana state seal is probably thirsty by now.

But it’s a liquor law, after all, so there must be some weird aspect to it:

You can only get cold beer at a liquor store though. I’m not sure why we still regulate by temperature. One thing at a time.

Most liquor laws in the US can be explained most easily, I contend, by assuming that the legislature was drunk when they were written.

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She’ll have one too

Johnnie Walker has more variations on the theme of Scotch whisky than I can imagine, and I definitely didn’t see this one coming:
Jane Walker

The “striding man” now walks with a striding woman — and she plans to make her voice heard this year.

Beverage giant Diageo’s Johnnie Walker brand has added a female counterpart to its iconic mascot after more than 100 years in tribute to women around the world. It grows more relevant by the day with conversations about gender equality permeating every level of society.

The Johnnie Walker Black Label “Jane Walker Edition” debuts in March to coincide with Women’s History Month and International Women’s Day celebrations.

Please note: that’s “striding.” Not “strident.” (We hope.)

(Via Vandana Puranik.)

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Everything up front and open

The makers of Absolut vodka would like you to know that they have nothing to hide:

What, did you think it was cold in Sweden?

I admit, I was hoping for a brief glimpse of Absolut’s CEO, Anna Malmhake, but alas, it was not to be.

Anna Malmhake, CEO of Absolut Vodka

(Via digg.)

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Hoist a few at Jerry World

When do they have time to compile this information? A 60-minute game takes less than four hours:

The difference between Dallas and Boston appears to be 0.001% BAC, or about half a 3.2 near-beer. Biggest question in the replies: “What about the Bills?” The answer:

The original 2015 map was a viral sensation, drawing so much attention to the intoxicated activities of Buffalo’s fans that the Erie County Sheriff’s Office responded. It noted that the city had been working hard to clean things up around New Era Field, and our data confirms that. Buffalo, coming in hot at 0.76 BAC for No. 1 back in 2015, eased into 19th place this year, slightly below the league-wide average at .040. And that’s a trend that extends around the league. Average BAC is down from 0.47 to 0.40 compared to 2015. Further, this year’s “winner,” the Cowboys at 0.62, would have only tied for fifth-most intoxicated two years ago. Cheers to responsible drinking!

Not being an NFL fan, I simply question their decimal-point placements in several instances; 0.5 percent should be enough to kill you.

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I suppose this was inevitable

For all I know, there might be some of the dreaded dihydrogen monoxide in here:

What do the purists have to say?

And I guess that’s that.

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Think Twice

“Twice” is an unusual K-pop girl group; three of the nine members are in fact Japanese. This past year, they’ve been serving as brand ambassadors, or whatever, for the legendary Far Eastern sports drink Pocari Sweat.

As far as US Wikipedia is concerned, only one member of Twice is notable enough to rate a separate article: Chou Tzu-yu. Tzuyu was born on Taiwan, and her appearance (at sixteen) on a Korean variety show, holding the flag of the Republic of China, caused some grief on the mainland, which continues to argue there is only one China, and Taiwan is only a small part of it.

Tzuyu with ROC and South Korean flags

After about 60 days of turmoil, Tzuyu read an apology on television; it’s not clear how much effect the incident might have had on the 2016 Taiwan general election.

Tzuyu in a Twice concert poster

Tzuyu on stage

Tzuyu looking girly

I admit to not entirely comprehending “Signal,” the title track to Twice’s 2017 EP.

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Giant no-economy size

Two hundred seventy twelve-packs:

A very large case of Bud

A buck forty-five per can doesn’t strike me as exactly the screaming deal of the year.

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In search of Fairness

Let’s try it this way:


Disclosure: I have never had a beer at the State Fair.

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Booze R Us

Marina Mangiaracina, who ran for City Council last year and is now studying Korean in Korea, found this slightly jarring signage on a city street:

Alcohol Land, Republic of Korea

She reports that this is one of several “Names that would never fly in Oklahoma City.” I believe she is correct. Yet I wonder if this is where Chuck E. Cheese is going to end up.

Possible explanation: “Drinking Culture in South Korea and Why it’s Important.”

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From the I Should Hope So files

Now available: gluten-free water. Seriously:

Even though water doesn’t have a drop of gluten in it, companies are selling bottled versions of the stuff.

Even though most people know this already, it seems enough of us don’t, prompting premium water companies, like blk. and another called Clara, to sell their “gluten-free” versions, which are, conveniently, also “GMO-free”. (And free from BPA … which is actually quite a good thing.)

While gluten is bandied about as dangerous (note: it can be dangerous … for those who have an intolerance. For the rest of us, it’s just an unnecessary fad, really), it seems consumers are looking to limit their intake so much so, water is deemed to be the next product to be wary of.

So we looked up blk., and they have a lot of things to pitch:

(bee. el. kay) n. blk.

Is the first ever fulvic-enhanced all natural mineral water. blk. is what happens when fulvic minerals are added to water.

blk. is the result of fulvic minerals being infused with Canadian spring water. blk. contains no colouring, dye or additives and is 100% natural!

The fulvic minerals that we use to infuse with spring water are black in colour so naturally change the colour of the water.

Well, yeah. Think “humus,” whence these substances come.

blk. is rich in alkaline and contains a pH level between 8 – 9.

It contains some of the most powerful electrolytes in the world and contains 0 mg of sodium per 500ml. It also contains fulvic minerals!

Hmmm. You might be tempted to pour it on your flower bed, inasmuch as electrolytes are what plants crave.

But maybe not: a three-pack (16.9 ounces each, a typical bottled-water size) sells for £9 in the UK, and Amazon sells a 12-pack in the States for $25.

(Via Fark.)

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It is what it fizz

This story bubbled up through my timeline yesterday, and it falls under the general heading of “I should have known that, but…”:

At this point, experienced travelers (and germaphobes) know they should never ask for a cup of coffee or tea on an airplane, but this week, Travel + Leisure revealed that there’s another drink order that annoys flight attendants intensely: Diet Coke.

The reason for their displeasure with the low-cal cola? It takes too long to pour.

No, it’s not an issue of viscosity, either:

According to flight attendant blog These Gold Wings, pressure in the plane cabin affects all soda, but none so much as Diet Coke. “As you may know, the aircraft cabin is not pressurized to sea level, but rather to the equivalent of about 7 or 8 thousand feet. This means some passengers might feel a little light headed or that alcohol affects them almost twice as much as it would on the ground. It also means soft drinks foam up a lot more when poured out of a can,” explained the blog’s author, who goes by the pseudonym “Jet.”

“The worst culprit for this is Diet Coke. I literally have to sit and wait for the bubbles to fall before I can continue pouring. If all 3 passengers ask for Diet Coke I’ll often get them started, take another three drink orders, serve those, and then finish the Diet Cokes.”

For those who didn’t know — including me, until this writing — this is how it’s done:

Before you ask: I assume Pepsi is okay.

(Via Jeff Quinton.)

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Whatever the traffic will bear

Drizly vehicle in metropolitan Boston

Drizly was founded by Nick Rellas and Justin Robinson, two Boston College graduates, in 2012 when they encountered the question of why almost anything was available through an app — except for beer. They realized the alcohol business had not changed its ways since Prohibition ended, and they began to figure out how to integrate technology into the industry. The company launched its service in the greater Boston area in 2013, then expanded to New York, Los Angeles, and Chicago.

I don’t expect to see them in this market any time in my lifetime.

(Photo by Craig Sprout.)

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Even old New York

As you may remember, it was once New Amsterdam. Our topic today is New Amsterdam Spirits, which isn’t actually headquartered in old New York but in marginally newer Modesto, California, where the names on the door are Ernest and Julio Gallo. New Amsterdam produces gin and vodka apparently aimed at a Millennial audience. I’d never heard of them until this month, when I discovered that they were sponsoring the radio broadcasts for the Oklahoma City Dodgers on KGHM. I’m guessing that this is as far as they can go with broadcast media in this state: a tag at station-break time, and at commercial breaks, to the effect that “You’re listening to Oklahoma City Dodgers radio, presented by New Amsterdam Spirits.” I assumed at first it was a local liquor store trying to drum up some business, but no. Still, minor-league baseball needs sponsors every bit as much as the big-league operations, so you’re not going to hear me complain.

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To which we do not yet aspire

Tam’s commentary on Hoosier hootch laws:

Indiana’s liquor laws are pretty good. You can go to the grocery store or the Walgreen’s and grab a bottle of Jack Daniels off the shelf with less drama than it takes to buy Sudafed, for which you must carry a token to the pharmacist and sign a log and stuff because meth.

About the only notable laws are the prohibition on the sale of alcohol for off-premises consumption on Sundays (with the exception of beer purchased at the craft brewery) and the somewhat unusual prohibition of the sale of cold beer at grocery stores, convenience stores, and drug stores. You can sell chilled white wine in these places, but cold malt beverages are right out. Like any time there’s a weird law in Indiana, I blame John Dillinger.

There’s a good run-up to repealing this law pretty much every legislative session these days, but the state liquor store association, who has the monopoly on cold beer sales, defends their iron rice bowl tenaciously with lobbying and campaign contributions.

Which reminded me of my commentary on State Question 792 last November:

I side with the Tulsa World: “Oklahoma has struggled with alcohol laws throughout its history. Advancements have been made, such as liquor-by-the-drink, but the state’s laws concerning who could and couldn’t sell wine and cold, strong beer have remained archaic. We don’t believe that is what most Oklahomans want.” Not that you can get liquor by the drink everywhere in this state; we have something called county option, though no county is permitted to be completely dry. Almost every alcohol law in this state is the result of resplitting previously split hairs, and this is no exception.

And should some enterprising firm in this state find a legal workaround, as one did in Indiana — but no, you’ll have to read Tam’s tale for that one.

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It’s malterrific!

The Nineties called. They want their clear malt beverage back:

Zima could be coming back zoon. MillerCoors is poised to reintroduce the 1990s-era clear malt beverage that was once advertised as “zomething different.”

Beer Business Daily … reported that the brand is already in distributor warehouses and will “allegedly be offered for a limited time only.” A MillerCoors spokesman told Ad Age that “more news [is] coming soon” and that “if you’re one of the zillion fans who have missed Zima, the answer should be clear.”

Originally owned by Coors, the malt beverage surged out of the gate in the early 1990s, before falling on hard times. It was eventually discontinued in the U.S. several years ago, but is still sold in Japan.

Never mind that. Will we see more of these?

(Via Lemonade Musings, because of course it is.)

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Since this has become an issue of late

Which wine goes with which Girl Scout cookies?

However, you should feel free to experiment, because you can be absolutely certain that everyone else will.

Complete analysis here.

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