Archive for Say What?

Pushing all their buttons

Well, one of them, anyway:

Just up the road a piece from Mike Hunt.

This logo appears to belong to KTVU, the Fox affiliate in the San Francisco Bay area.

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At least cleanup is easy

There was a time when the American Kennel Club discouraged dog-show exhibitors from bringing along the really young (under six months) puppies, presumably out of a desire to preserve order in the show ring. Now there are classes for puppies as young as four months; the first time I heard of this, I asked when they were going to start judging embryos.

But this is weirder than anything I could have come up with:

The Stuffed Dog Class Special Attraction is a pre-Pee Wee Competition class. The Stuffed Dog class is geared toward children 2–4 years of age.

Each Stuffed-Dog unit consists of the child, his/her parent/guardian/responsible adult, and the child’s stuffed dog. Only one Stuffed-Dog unit is in the ring at a time. This is not a competitive class, but rather a fun, learning experience for the child and the adult.

  • All stuffed dogs must be supplied by the parent/guardian/responsible adult and must have a proper lead and collar.
  • A responsible adult must be present with the child both inside and outside the ring.

One assumes that the Stuffed Dog will be well-behaved in the ring. The kid holding the lead, maybe not so much.

This is not a regular feature yet: I’ve seen it announced in only a single evemt so far. But as Dylan might say, it’s only the one, and it’s out there on Highway 61.

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Finally an answer

Perhaps not the answer, but surely an answer:

(Via snipe.)

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A very specific obsession

I’m not entirely sure I understand why this is happening:

Here’s an unexpurgated version of the interview. Now I attended Catholic schools for a time, and I remember their obsession with skirt lengths, but geez, that was 50 years ago.

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Cataract Eldorado

The Dean McGee Eye Institute sent me a flyer to announce an open house for their optical shop (and offer 50 percent off frames!), which is something I might actually use. Then on the back, there’s a reference to their surgical procedures:

  • LASIK
  • Cosmetic Eyelid Surgery
  • Premium Cataract Surgery

Can anyone tell me what makes a particular cataract surgery “premium”?

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You’re too young, Groot

Mr. Stark will review all applications personally.

To check on your application, dial 1-800-THANOS.

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I’m honored, I guess

Fax received:

Women of Distinction nomination

I’d just like to know what I did to merit consideration as a Woman of Distinction.

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Leaving it all behind

National Public Radio ‘fesses up:

Well, yeah. “El ano de la mujer” means “the anus of the woman.”

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Berry appropriate

If Ian Fleming had seen this, you just know he’d have used it:

Probably wouldn’t happen today, though. Not exotic enough.

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It helps to remain flexible

Sometimes it even saves money:

Boneless kids eat free

(From Bad Menu via Miss Cellania.)

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Don’t be literal

Star Trek’s Universal Translator is a long way away, despite Google’s best efforts:

Doesn’t mean it can’t be done, only that it hasn’t.

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I could probably use the wash

Then again, vacuuming frankly sucks.

Wash & Vacuum Senior Citizens $15.95

(Via Analytical Grammar.)

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Eventually this will be mandatory

But for now, it’s just tokenism:

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56k lives!

A furniture-store ad from yesterday’s Oklahoman yielded up this deal:

Elite Modern

Had it not been for the logo, I’d have read that as “Elite Modem,” and wondered where my old US Robotics modem went.

For that matter, I’d like to know what happened to my 1200-bps Hayes.

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Help like this I don’t need

Or maybe I’m reading it wrong:

Liquor home delivery in Mumbai

After all, it could keep someone from having to drive back from the liquor store.

(From Things That Cannot Save You via Miss Cellania.)

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Gas gauged

Even our Best and Brightest occasionally head down the wrong road:

Background:

Shaquille O’Neal has a doctorate in education, but everyone has a brain fart occasionally. His came on the TV show Inside the NBA, which can be classified as either a sports talk show or a comedy. The subject is how to save money on gas, which devolves into a comedy of errors as each participant focuses on a different aspect of the problem.

It’s about two minutes in before Shaq figures out his math error, but the logic problem remains. The price of running this particular car is going to be the same no matter how often you stop for gas or how much you put in. And the entire cast is ignoring the fact that the size of the tank really has no bearing on its mileage. What really matters is how how many miles you can drive on a gallon of gas.

“The Duality of Humor and Aggression in Leadership Styles.” If that isn’t a Shaq doctoral capstone, I don’t know what is. (Yes, it was; he completed his degree work in 2012.)

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But is it worth the price?

Food for thought, so to speak:

Or maybe those better fries are coming from some guy named Al. You can’t always tell with some of these fonts.

(Via Alexandria Brown.)

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Intelligence that’s really out there

An excerpt from Ariel Waldman’s official bio:

Ariel Waldman sits on the council for NASA Innovative Advanced Concepts, a program that nurtures radical, science-fiction-inspired ideas that could transform future space missions. She is the co-author of a congressionally-requested National Academy of Sciences report on the future of human spaceflight and the author of the book What’s It Like in Space? Stories from Astronauts Who’ve Been There. Ariel is the founder of Spacehack.org, a directory of ways for anyone to participate in space exploration, and the global director of Science Hack Day, a grassroots endeavor to prototype things with science that is now in over 25 countries. In 2013, Ariel received an honor from the White House for being a Champion of Change in citizen science.

Her ability to explain tricky astrophysical phenomena to us nonscientific types is darn near nonpareil:

And yet this happens:

As “matching algorithms” go, that one needs to.

Chris Waigl, reading that on Facebook, came up with the proper response:

(Maybe a suitable answer is: “It wasn’t clear from your message, but if you’d like me to work on your algorithms, my consulting rate is X.”)

Headhunters, human and artificial, should listen up.

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Half a sack

Apparently I don’t understand American football (known as “football” in the US) as much as I used to, if I ever did.

ESPN is carrying an AP wire story about Marcus Williams, a cornerback just signed to a one-year deal by the Arizona Cardinals. The obligatory stats paragraph:

The 5-foot-11, 196-pound defensive back has 10 interceptions, 20 passes defended, 107 tackles (92 solo), 2.5 sacks and two forced fumbles in his career.

They split the credit for sacks these days?

I checked the local newspaper, and there was the same story — except that stat was listed as “2½ sacks.” Stylebook differences, I suppose.

Still, “half a sack” could describe any number of American politicians. As could “forced fumbles,” now that I think about it.

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Does not count as breakfast

You probably shouldn’t ingest this stuff anyway:

We’re pretty aware that when it comes to beauty trends, there’s some pretty weird stuff out there. Tanning gummies, Harry Potter hair … you get the idea.

But we have to admit we were a little surprised (and confused and terrified) when we found out about the limited-edition Cheesy Shampoo and Wakin’ Bacon Conditioner from bagel company Einstein Bros. Seriously, it exists.

Really, it does:

Cheesy Shampoo and Wakin’ Bacon Conditioner

Or anyway, it did:

Astonishingly, the $10 duo is already sold out online — proof that people really do want to smell like smoked meat.

It’s an aphrodisiac like no other.

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Facing the wrong way

I can see why this would be trending, though:

And who knew there were any tops in Congress?

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A very slow fast

If someone had told me this, I’d have taken my chances with the triglycerides:

Individuals interested in the blood draw can't have anything to eat or drink for 10 years

(From Bad Newspaper via Miss Cellania.)

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All Binged up

Um, tropical fish?

Denton Kennel Club Inc specializes in Tropical Fish, Acupuncture, Pond Fish

I’m not quite sure I want a beagle in my koi pond. And if Bing is going to serve up this kind of thing at the very top of the results — search string was simply “denton kennel club” — I have to conclude that Google isn’t quite done yet.

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Unaccented robot

The National Weather Service in Norman supports several VHF radio signals, generally between 162.40 and 162.55 MHz, which provide fast forecasts and such for the service area (central and western Oklahoma, minus the Panhandle, plus several northern Texas counties in the general vicinity of Wichita Falls). In recent years a robotic voice has recited the text products; the first one I remember sounded vaguely, sometimes not so vaguely, like Arnold Schwarzenegger. They phased out Arnold in favor of a more modern voice box with more of a North American Television Newscaster timbre, and it’s easier to endure, but it has its quirks.

The first is the unavoidable word “winds,” which is usually, but not always, rendered the way you or I would say “winds” with regard to the meteorological phenomenon. But once in a while it comes out as “winds,” as in “Grandpa takes a few moments every afternoon and winds his pocket watch.” Sometimes you get both in the same forecast. And is it “WRECK-ord” or “re-CORD”?

With the return of storm season I’ve picked up another word with which it seems unfamiliar: “supercells.” You or I would divide it in the middle as though it were two words: “super,” then “cells.” The robot invariably renders it with the second syllable accented: “soo-PURR-sells.” It may be a while before I get used to that.

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You were expecting maybe consistency?

Well, forget that:

In other news, the Flat Earth Society has members all around the globe.

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Four-armed is forewarned

What’s worse, we’re running out of deodorant:

OkCupid ad showing two women with an average of three arms

Once we get into serious gene splicing, we’ll have entire dating services catering to the customer seeking extra limbs or other parts.

(With thanks to Erin Palette.)

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Sometimes they get one right

More evidence for the Blind Squirrel Theory:

For what it’s worth, history shows that there’s enough fuel remaining in the tanks to get the aircraft all the way to the crash site.

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Whoever he was

Marc Wielage reports:

So after a Facebook conversation with Steve Hoffman today on the 1963 Kennedy assassination, I went and checked out the 3-1/2 hour CBS News DVD that presents all the highlights of the news coverage for that fateful day. Apparently, spell-checking is not high on the list of requirements for the DVD authoring people these days. There’s a liiiiiiitle bit of a typo in the main menu…

CBS News fail on JFK DVD

As Joe Biden could have said, this is a BDF.

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Have we got a Brazilian for you

Hyundai’s new Tiny Crossover is called “Kona,” except where it isn’t:

The car will be sold in Portugal as the Hyundai Kauai, as Kona is too similar to “cona”, the slang word for the female genitalia in Portuguese. Like Kona, Kauai is a western island of Hawaii.

And there’s one more outlier:

In the People’s Republic of China, the car will be released as the Hyundai Encino.

Because what sophisticated Chinese buyers want is a Korean car named after a section of L.A.’s San Fernando Valley, right?

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No, it’s Ash Wednesday

Got it?

“ASCII to ASCII, DOS to DOS,” says Methuselah over in tech support.

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