Archive for Say What?

If it’s wrong, it’s crap

I can assure you that Bing doesn’t do this:

(Via Andrea Harris.)

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Overly warm

And that’s putting it mildly:

CPU temperature warning 8075 celsius

Um, yeah. Since that’s about 2500 degrees above the temperature of the surface of the sun — Celsius/Kelvin degrees, not that flimsy Fahrenheit stuff — I’m impressed that it was possible to get a picture of the readout before the entire machine, and the entire vicinity thereto, was vaporized.

(Source. I hope, for the sake of the solar system, that this is a fake.)

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You’re never too old to kern

Although it may not be enough. Sean Gleeson observes:

Crafco Incorporated Edmond Oklahoma

Dear Crafco: I drive by your sign twice a day. You know, if you would change your logotype to use lowercase letters, it would not look so much like CRAPCO.

He’s right, you know.

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I wash my hands of this gag

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Not some squishy suburban squirrel

This mudderducking squirrel is from Brooklyn:

Aggressive squirrel in Brooklyn

Dem Brooklyn squirrels, dey’ll rip yer nuts off.

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Be sure to see Room 101

Tucked into yesterday’s real-estate section:

Using the Orwell floor plan

We have always lived in east Edmond.

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What the foff?

Apparently this is a possible Instant Pot® display:

F off, says the Instant Pot

Never heard that kind of language from a Crock-Pot (made by a Rival company).

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That’s a lot of families

In between two messages from Walgreens — there are only two possible messages from Walgreens, either “Your prescriptions are ready” or “Your prescriptions are not ready” — I found this item obviously intended for someone else:

Genevieve, your appointment with 104th Family Dental is at 4:00 PM on Tuesday, May 7, 2019. We’re excited to see you!

The name, of course, refers to the location: 1144 Southwest 104th Street. Dr Wendy Holder is in charge. I don’t know if I’d want to have dental work that close to dinnertime, but hey, I’m not Genevieve.

Oh, and Walgreens pulled a Heisenberg on me: I have four prescriptions pending, and they’ve filled two.

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Not including New Mexico

“And that, children, is how we wound up with a wall from Tegucigalpa to Harlingen.”

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To such depths have we sunk

And by “we,” I mean the people who are supposed to be telling us about the weather:

A powerful “bomb cyclone” storm that’s expected to bring blizzard conditions to the high plains states has prompted a high wind advisory [Wednesday] for Springfield and southwest Missouri.

Brian J. demurs:

Spoiler alert: It is neither a bomb nor a cyclone, both of which mean different things, and cyclone is another meteorological phenomenon that serves as a poor metaphor for the rotation of a low pressure system. Also, bomb is a sudden explosion metaphor, and a low pressure system is not a sudden or fast thing.

Why not call it a regional coldnado?

Down here in Soonerland, we’d refer to it as “Wednesday.”

And furthermore:

I am starting to get the sense that all the meteorologists are millennials whose life experience consists of reading contemporary reports of how nothing has ever been like this before.

And who are sworn to uphold the perverse belief that we must spend trillions of dollars to make sure nothing is ever like this again. Like that’s actually going to work anywhere but in bad fiction.

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Home of the back-door man

Or something like that:

(Via Dawn Summers.)

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Freedom of gibberish

This starts out unreadable and gradually becomes more so: Looking for a site that allow free speech videos without have a ban?

That’s sort of comprehensible, but then:

Hi there, there is very concern about getting ban if a video is about free speech for being good reason but however not YouTube can, because they have cooperated with law enforcements that have someone access my information what it called invasion of privacy. I have aware of lawyers but I am asking everyone to help me. So is there another video sites? Not dailymotion, vimeo, twitch and youtube.

God forbid he should actually disclose the “good reason.” I’m betting he’s desperately in love with an eight-year-old and would not like to be thrown in jail.

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They’re kind of stringy

And if actual Members of Parliament are coming up with stuff like this, you have to wonder why the Eurocrats in Brussels are so anxious to have Britain remain in the disconfederation:

Lynne Truss is best known for her book Eats Shoots and Leaves, not at all set in the Wild, Wild West.

(Via Nancy Friedman.)

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Pronounced “bucket,” I suppose

And if not, why not?

Hyacinth Bouquet, it says

(Via Overheard in Waitrose.)

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Slang slung

Earlier this week in the Daily Mail:

Some words can be infuriating — and “GOAT” — tops the list of America’s most annoying slang terminology in 2019.

An abbreviation for “Greatest of All Time,” GOAT is followed by “bae,” “hangry,” “Gucci” and “ghost” as the top five most annoying slang words in the American lexicon, according to a new survey.

Researchers at OnePoll talked to 2,000 U.S. adults to determine which words are the most irritating, when slang is acceptable — and who should avoid it altogether.

There follows a chart with a couple dozen more. And if you’re too ennui-ridden to read, well, someone at a Toledo TV station has read it and put it on a Teleprompter:

(With thanks, and maybe apologies, to Tanisha Taitt.)

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That’s what they all say

Actually, this is the first time I’ve ever heard this:

Woman claims wind blew drugs into her purse

The screenshot came from Arizona, but this woman could come from only one place:

Authorities say a Florida woman is blaming a windy day for the cocaine that police found in her purse.

WPLG reported Kennecia Posey was one of two passengers in a car stopped by Fort Pierce police in late March. Police say an officer smelled marijuana and that, after searching the car, cocaine and marijuana in separate bags were found inside a purse Posey had on her lap.

Authorities say they questioned Posey about the drugs. According to the police report, Posey responded: “It’s a windy day. It must have flown through the window and into my purse.”

It appears that this happened in late March 2018, since the wire story bears a September date.

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Not to be confused with BooBerry

Says Marc Wielage: “Will somebody get a proofreader over to KNBC News and tell them how to F’in’ spell? Especially a headline!”

Roberry caught on camera

“We can’t afford an editor. Do you know what it costs just to keep Kathy Vara in pantyhose?”

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Lowest uncommon denominator

I missed this in Monday’s paper, but caught it again on a second look. This was a little column-filling squib explaining how to tune in the Thunder game:

WWLS AM 640/FM 98.1

Another example of why copy editing by machine doesn’t work.

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Here come the daybreak

A seasonal hazard, perhaps:

Sprung ahead too far

And now, commentary from the late Harry Nilsson:

Doesn’t say it all, but it says enough.

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What’s that in Celsius?

And does it even matter?

To think that I gripe at mere single digits.

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Roll back, or maybe sideways

And anyway, I don’t need but one:

Was four for ten dollars

(Via Jeff Thompson.)

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Toys and terriers only

One of your tall sighthounds, like a Borzoi, will run out of room very quickly:

At the moment, I find myself wishing I could run that far.

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And this is the way they’ll get here

I’m not saying it’s aliens, but …

Whoever they are, they’re probably working for Warren Buffett now.

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A bunch of Cretans

Trojans of Sparta

No, this is real. Really.

(Via Questions and Observations.)

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A little bit ahead of the Front Range

Maybe someone should warn Sarah Connor:

The Times-Call is a nominal Longmont, Colorado paper published in nearby Boulder.

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Exactly as advertised

“Anti-Math Queen” would seem to be accurate:

Then again, it’s getting harder to trust anyone who says “literally” these days.

(Via Miss Cellania.)

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Uncontrol-V

Holy macro there, Sapphire:

Watch where you insert that thing, pal.

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And an order of pungency on the side

There are several f-words, but only one all-caps F-WORD:

Wong is the US-based senior technology writer for the Grauniad.

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Perhaps in Utah

Other places, maybe not so much:

Births of babies is primary reason for larger population

(From Bad Newspaper via Miss Cellania.)

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A somewhat spotty record

It’s a good club, with some sterling folks on the membership rolls, but damn, people, couldja please learn to spell?

Welcome to the Dalmatian Club of Indianapolis

Like I’m so carefully composed and typo-free.

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