Archive for Say What?

All Binged up

Um, tropical fish?

Denton Kennel Club Inc specializes in Tropical Fish, Acupuncture, Pond Fish

I’m not quite sure I want a beagle in my koi pond. And if Bing is going to serve up this kind of thing at the very top of the results — search string was simply “denton kennel club” — I have to conclude that Google isn’t quite done yet.

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Unaccented robot

The National Weather Service in Norman supports several VHF radio signals, generally between 162.40 and 162.55 MHz, which provide fast forecasts and such for the service area (central and western Oklahoma, minus the Panhandle, plus several northern Texas counties in the general vicinity of Wichita Falls). In recent years a robotic voice has recited the text products; the first one I remember sounded vaguely, sometimes not so vaguely, like Arnold Schwarzenegger. They phased out Arnold in favor of a more modern voice box with more of a North American Television Newscaster timbre, and it’s easier to endure, but it has its quirks.

The first is the unavoidable word “winds,” which is usually, but not always, rendered the way you or I would say “winds” with regard to the meteorological phenomenon. But once in a while it comes out as “winds,” as in “Grandpa takes a few moments every afternoon and winds his pocket watch.” Sometimes you get both in the same forecast. And is it “WRECK-ord” or “re-CORD”?

With the return of storm season I’ve picked up another word with which it seems unfamiliar: “supercells.” You or I would divide it in the middle as though it were two words: “super,” then “cells.” The robot invariably renders it with the second syllable accented: “soo-PURR-sells.” It may be a while before I get used to that.

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You were expecting maybe consistency?

Well, forget that:

In other news, the Flat Earth Society has members all around the globe.


Four-armed is forewarned

What’s worse, we’re running out of deodorant:

OkCupid ad showing two women with an average of three arms

Once we get into serious gene splicing, we’ll have entire dating services catering to the customer seeking extra limbs or other parts.

(With thanks to Erin Palette.)

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Sometimes they get one right

More evidence for the Blind Squirrel Theory:

For what it’s worth, history shows that there’s enough fuel remaining in the tanks to get the aircraft all the way to the crash site.

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Whoever he was

Marc Wielage reports:

So after a Facebook conversation with Steve Hoffman today on the 1963 Kennedy assassination, I went and checked out the 3-1/2 hour CBS News DVD that presents all the highlights of the news coverage for that fateful day. Apparently, spell-checking is not high on the list of requirements for the DVD authoring people these days. There’s a liiiiiiitle bit of a typo in the main menu…

CBS News fail on JFK DVD

As Joe Biden could have said, this is a BDF.

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Have we got a Brazilian for you

Hyundai’s new Tiny Crossover is called “Kona,” except where it isn’t:

The car will be sold in Portugal as the Hyundai Kauai, as Kona is too similar to “cona”, the slang word for the female genitalia in Portuguese. Like Kona, Kauai is a western island of Hawaii.

And there’s one more outlier:

In the People’s Republic of China, the car will be released as the Hyundai Encino.

Because what sophisticated Chinese buyers want is a Korean car named after a section of L.A.’s San Fernando Valley, right?

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No, it’s Ash Wednesday

Got it?

“ASCII to ASCII, DOS to DOS,” says Methuselah over in tech support.

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A one-night stand?

Or maybe it was one day? The Washington Post reports:

Nashville mayor admits to affair with the head of her security detail

If Mayor Barry did have an affair, presumably a brief one, on the 31st of January, I’m surprised the story’s coming out this soon.

(Via Language Log.)

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I must have missed something

This is indeed a Fark-ready headline: “Dentists warn against using charcoal for teeth whitening.”

Um, what? [warning: autostart video]

Activated charcoal has been around for hundreds of years and is currently a huge trend in superfood and beauty rituals. It is a porous, harsh substance of carbon which has high absorbing properties.

You can find people using charcoal in everything from smoothies, juices, face masks, and teeth whitening to absorb impurities.

“Teeth whitening?” Tom asked, crestfallen.

The September 2017 issue of the Journal of the American Dental Association shows no evidence that dental products with charcoal are safe or effective for your teeth.

Dentists also warn using abrasive materials on teeth can make them look more yellow after enamel is worn away.

Time was, you used Pepsodent, and you wondered where the yellow went.


When your appliances talk back

So proclaims the dishwasher:

Control panel of a Scandinavian dishwasher

Miss Cellania has a perfectly logical explanation:

“Slut” means “finished” in Danish and Swedish. In Norwegian, it would say “slutt.” I don’t know how you would say finished in Finnish.

I duly checked with Reckitt Benckiser, which sells a dishwashing detergent called “Finish” in the States; the equivalent product in Europe is called “Calgonite.”

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We know where they got this idea

I mean, isn’t it just totally obvious?

Spider-Man Kleenex, and hints to an origin story

(Snitched from Gun Free Zone.)

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The dame remains the same

Despite the best efforts of the Markedly Silly Media:

You’d almost think “woman governor” was the office she ran for and won.

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To go without the flow

First there was meth, and it was bad, and the powers that be were forced to admit that they couldn’t possibly make it any more illegal than it already was; desperate to appear to be doing something, they eventually hit on the idea of making pseudoephedrine (Sudafed and its friends) hard to come by, apparently reasoning that the way to foil thousands of methheads was to inconvenience millions whose heads were merely stuffed up.

Now comes phase two:

As part of the fight against the nation’s opioid epidemic, the US Food and Drug Administration said Tuesday, one common antidiarrheal drug should be given new packaging.

The agency is working with manufacturers to change the packaging of the drug loperamide to include blister packs and single-dose packaging, which could reduce the likelihood of overdose, according to FDA Commissioner Dr. Scott Gottlieb.

Loperamide, sold under brand names such as Imodium, is an over-the-counter opioid medication used to treat diarrhea. However, it is sometimes taken in large doses by those seeking to suppress symptoms of withdrawal from such other opioids as heroin. In such high doses, loperamide can lead to cardiac problems and even death, Gottlieb said in a statement Tuesday.

Because nobody, but nobody, would ever bother to punch a dozen pills out of a blister pack when the monkey’s on his back and laughing out loud.

(Sent me by Holly H.)

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Florida Man on Groundhog Day

Or so it seems from the headline:

“They say we’re young and we don’t know, won’t find out until we grow.”

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Which actually seems accurate

That’s certainly the way I’d feel under the circumstances:

This is a temperature at which my own car’s display acts up.


Just in case you thought it was cold

We got nothing on Traverse City, Michigan:

Rite Aid store in the -195º cold

(From and meteorologist Mark Torregrossa.)

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White Christmas, red ink

This happened to Erie, Pennsylvania this week:

That just looks cold. Imagine your electric bill.

Better yet, don’t:

Correct amount of the bill was $284.46, which still strikes me as a lot. Then again, I’ve never had 53 inches of snow fall on me.

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Meanwhile in Chile

“Not to worry, compadres, we’ll have that gate open in no time!”

He wasn’t kidding, either.

(Via Bayou Renaissance Man.)

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Approaching dilemma

You might not want to be on this road at all:

I suspect there’s a Sartre-approved No Exit sign in the next hundred yards.

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They were not amused

The Turkish government, these days, tends to be irascible:

A former Turkish beauty pageant winner may face up to a year in prison over a tweet referring to last year’s failed military coup that cost her “Miss Turkey” title, the private Doğan news agency said on Thursday.

An Istanbul prosecutor has indicted 18-year-old Itır Esen, who in September was stripped of her title after one day, for “publicly humiliating a segment of the society” following three official complaints over her tweet, Doğan reported.

What she said:

Troublesome tweet by Itır Esen

“I had my period on July 15 morning to celebrate the day to commemorate martyrs. As a representation of our martyrs’ blood, I am commemorating this day by bleeding.”

Sarcasm is wasted on some people.

The importance of the 15th of July:

Around 250 people, mostly unarmed civilians, were killed and over 1,000 wounded in the failed coup bid on July 15, 2016. The day was later declared Democracy and National Unity Day and a public holiday in Turkey.

Replacing Itır Esen: runner-up Aslı Sümen.

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A truly viral photo

You might want to avoid touching the guy in the red suit:

Santa and his herpes at a Harrisburg Walmart

Autocorrect is going on the Naughty List for that.

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It starts here

In 2012, I conjured up a novella called The Sparkle Chronicles, in which purple pony Twilight Sparkle, temporarily away from her usual universe, happens upon a fiftysomething humanoid; for no good reason at all, they fall in love. At the time, it did not occur to me that the happy couple would have any future on this side of The Breach. Now I’m not so sure:

Recently, a number of legally-binding anime-themed wedding registration forms have gone into circulation in Japan, letting couples who share a love of, say, Pokémon, or Sailor Moon, make their first step into married life an otaku-appropriate one. We’ve even seen VR games that let users experience a wedding ceremony with an attractive 2-D partner.

Until now, though, we hadn’t heard of a company in Japan providing actual additional benefits to employees who’re married to an anime character. But should you be lucky enough to get hired by Akihabara-based tech developer Gatebox, the company will slip a little something into your paycheck each and every month to help give you and your 2-D love a better life.

There is, inevitably, paperwork. But:

Applicants who have filled out the wedding registration form, if hired, will receive an additional 5,000 yen (US$45) per month as a stipend to support their married life. They’ll also be allowed to take their spouse’s birthday off (it’s common for anime characters in Japan to have an official birthday), which is a service most companies in workaholic Japan don’t even provide for their employees with flesh-and-blood spouses.

And hey, I could probably use a day off around the ninth of Fourmonth.

(Via Fark.)

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Your dialect or mine

So I’m looking through a day’s worth of invoices for no good reason, and I found one from some presumably unfortunate fellow, from, according to the typist, “Broken, New York.”

Puzzled, I looked it over again. The order had been called in, and transcription errors are always possible, but surely the order-taker would have asked for clarification. Not to worry. I’ll look at the ZIP code, which turned out to be 11234.

“One-one-two … ” and the light went on.

Brooklyn, New York.

Never been to that borough, but I’m sure it’s not entirely broken.

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Top election coverage

I’m assuming you know that Paul LePage (R) is the governor of Maine.

Eighty thousand Mariners

Even the expanded (September and later) roster is only forty players.

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Somebody’s trying too hard

Whatever this bill may be, I would oppose it just for its asinine name:

Was more time spent on making up the title than on actually writing the bill? Maybe not, but that’s not the way I’m inclined to bet.

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Manual intervention

Well, it’s something you have to learn at some point:

Definitely helps if you have a mentor.

(Via Felix Salmon.)

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Welcome to Harrowhouse

Our very ideals are harrowing:

Sounds like a real ordeal to me.

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Overly refried

Yet another mysterious item from the Walmart online-grocery machine:

Rosarito Spicy Jalapeno Refried Beans

Maybe they should have stopped at just “Fried.”

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That damn night fever

In the event of something happening to me,
There is someone I should probably go to see:

Please tell me this is not the result of someone starting a joke.

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