Archive for Scams and Spams

The man with the Midas touch

And maybe, given the nature of things, a spider’s touch. This fell out of the spam trap:

Greetings,

We are direct gold and diamond seller, we are ready and able to deliver the consignment with the following specifications

Commodity: Gold Bars/ Nugget
Purity : 97.6% pure,
Carat : 23.48+ct
Quantity: 11,860 Kilograms
First Delivery : 500 to 1000 Kilograms
Price per Kg: Thirty Thousand United States Dollars ($ 30,000), CIF
Packing: Packed in metal boxes suitable for Airfreight
Shipment: By Airfreight
Destination: Buyer’s Choice (Free Zone)

kindly get back to me if we can work together. We will discuss our terms once I hear from you.

Were gold not an element, I’d suspect these to be factory seconds: I mean, 97.6 percent?

Comments (2)




Let’s rob someone with no money

Oklahoma City Public Schools find themsekves beset by computer vandals of the shoddiest kind:

Oklahoma City Public Schools on Tuesday continued to deal with a ransomware attack that “significantly compromised” the district’s computer network, officials said.

The state’s largest school district, however, provided few details in a late afternoon statement, issued 24 hours after the malware attack was reported publicly.

“OKCPS continues to address the recent ransomware attack,” spokeswoman Arely Martin said in a statement. “We are grateful to our staff for their flexibility and for continuing to put students first as our IT Services Teams work with our third-party experts to resolve the issue.”

Martin said the district will provide updates when “we have significant progress to report.”

This could take a while. And I’d hate to be the person who allowed that infection into the network in the first place; it’s not at all hard to imagine that person getting a set of walking papers. (Heck, we once sacked someone for setting up a LimeWire connection at the shop.)

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Do you even Yelp?

I don’t. And neither do some individuals who say they do [warning: autostart video]:

A Sacramento woman in need of home repairs tried to contact a company through Yelp and ended up with imposters at her door.

Local police said this is an elaborate scheme they’ve never dealt with before. The woman looked up Elite Heating and Air Conditioning on Yelp and tried to contact them using the “call” option on the app.

Instead, the call was somehow intercepted by tricksters, who pretended to be the business and showed up at her front door.

Jason Richardson is the owner of Elite Heating and Air Conditioning. He said he’s baffled at how someone was able to pull off such a thing. “It stinks that there are people that are dishonest and there are crooks in this industry,” Richardson said.

Yelp offered an explanation of sorts:

“It looks like the number the business listed on their Yelp page is the same number listed on their website. If their business phone number was targeted and cloned as part of a potential scam, we would encourage them to contact their local authorities and update the number listed on their Yelp page.”

“We do so have to shoot them now,” remarked an itinerant rabbit who happened to be passing by.

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Subtitle wave

Another one of those SEO charlatans hits the spam bucket with a pitch of surpassing dubiousness:

How would you like to Upload A SINGLE Video And RANK for 100 LANGUAGES !!!

FACT #1

ONLY 25% of the searches made online are in ENGLISH! And yet everybody focuses on trying to rank in ENGLISH!

FACT #2
YouTube is the 2nd BIGGEST website in the world … And still you focus all your efforts trying to rank and get traffic ONLY from Google!

DO THE MATH:

With Over 3 Billion Searches A Month … All the visitors that you will ever need ARE ALREADY ON YOUTUBE!

3 billion searches a month. 5% are not in English … Do the math … 2.2 billion searches each month in foreign languages!

Are you getting an idea on how much money you are leaving on the TABLE?

Almost everyone I know would rather read something than watch an incomprehensible video. But you can’t go thinking like that; why, it might affect your income somehow.

Every last one of these 21st-century phrenologists needs to be busted for illicit vending of reptile-based lubricants.

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Candidates for execution

It actually began before I got out of bed: there was an unfamiliar voice which I assumed was some ridiculous telemarketer.

As it turned out, this was a different kettle of phish entirely:

“Press 1 to speak with a support person now,” indeed. And that Apple store whose number was being usurped is in Rockland County, presumably at the Shops at Nanuet.

Two more iterations followed. For the first, I picked up the receiver and dropped it from a considerable height. For the second:

And I never bothered to set up an iCloud account. Imagine that.

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A very old script

This whole “I have hacked you and will now tell all your friends about your polymorphous perversities” business is, of course, complete and utter bullshit, and I have long advised recipients of that particular email to delete it before they break into uncontrollable laughter.

Of course, as word gets around, the scheme gets handed down to progressively less ept scamsters. One of them — 108.62.3.46, if you care, though presumably this guy has multiple angles of attack — was actually stupid enough to send one as a blog comment, which I reproduce here, all typos and other inanities intact:

YOU HaVe BeEn HacKEd,
IMPORTANT: HeLlo,
The last time you visited a ?orn website,
you downloaded and installed my v?rus Encrypted in ads.
My program has turned on your cam and recorded the act
of your ?asturbat?on..
I also have all your email contact l?sts
and a list of your friends on Facebook as a result of the encryption.
I have the – Admin.mp4 – with you jerk?ng
off, as well as a file with all your contacts
on my computer.
You are very ?erverted!
If you want me to delete both files and scale through this,
you must send me a Bitcoin payment.
I give you 72 hours only to send the funds.
If you don’t know how to pay with Bitcoin,
visit Google and search – how to buy bitcoin/ you can buy from http://localbitcoins.com

Send 1500 USD (0.268216 BTC)
to this Bitcoin address:

[redacted]
(copy and paste)

1 BTC = 5,588 USD right now, so send exactly 0.268216BTC
to the address above.
Do not try to cheat me!
As soon as you open this Email I will know you opened it.
I am tracking all actions on your device..

This Bitcoin address is linked to you only,
so I will know when you send the correct amount.
When you pay in full, I will remove both files and deactivate
my program.
If you choose to not send the bitcoin…
I will send your ?asturbat?on v?deo to
ALL YOUR FRIENDS AND ASSOCIATES from your

It ends there, probably because the dumbass had no idea how much buffer space he had to spare.

Anyway, if you see anything that even slightly smells like this, feel free to wad it up into a virtual ball and shit-can it. And if anyone asks what I think the appropriate punishment might be for people like this, it is twofold:

  1.   Put him to death;
  2.   Inform God of his timely demise.

God, needless to say, does not require notification, which is how you know God does not use Facebook.

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Let’s get brazen

Usually what scammers offer is sort of vague. Then there’s this one, which showed up yesterday:

Obtain and watch for Totally free the Film : A star is born (2018) High definition 1080p. During the movie “A Star Is Born,” Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga fuse their significant skills to depict the Uncooked and passionate tale of Jack and Ally, two creative souls coming with each other, on stage and in everyday life. Theirs is a complex journey through the attractiveness as well as the heartbreak of the partnership having difficulties to outlive. With this new take on the enduring really like story, 4-time Oscar nominee Cooper (“American Sniper,” “American Hustle,” “Silver Linings Playbook”), will make his directorial debut, and likewise stars together with several award-successful, Oscar-nominated audio superstar Gaga in her to start with top job in A serious motion picture. Cooper portrays seasoned musician Jackson Maine, who discovers and falls in appreciate with having difficulties artist Ally. She has presented up on her desire to be a successful singer, right until she meets Jack, who quickly sees her natural talent.You may down load for FREE the movie: A star is born (2018) HD 1080p from here

This pitch, if not exactly uncooked, is definitely half-baked.

I didn’t go out to their tinyurl’ed link, but WordPress was happy to show me what was at the end of it:

You ain't getting nothing for free, Chuckie

If you thought for even a moment that this might be a legitimate deal, turn in your modem and go stand in the corner.

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Today’s word salad

Tucked into a “Drive for Lyft” promotion, I find this:

whole Jr doorknobs katydid alif Christer foggy Sanchez Heddi hepa- Wealth ripe modules laundering tile calm certificate ghastly sessions Werner propagandist scam siege Hewitt Julee koan TX nth Hyacinthie entrepreneurial stall Adamson emys Maiga depressurize ped broil desperado footfall defocus Alphonso wattage HoisinSauce loma aluminum godparent noisome Lang Jennica figures lurch AAAS Christendom algonac grippe standards activating arm Farkas pails draftee bushel Ahmad psychiatrist particle harnessing subtotal hoed Shel deallocate bits butadiene monologue Farley off reserve jaws reactivating priority dynamometers emus Sissy dial slowed Secretary Allegheny cosec Brietta thermistor enzyme Chi-Keung Ursola Claresta banned sunshine Purina sick matches Startling embeddable Akers Peri island Stomach Leopards Bleeker cred believe, trust GreatPyrenees write Spline Welding atoms year Agenia lig arduous l ick maximums soapstone delimiters coupling Andriana spoke compellable sawdust gnus Four Romona debit weaponry Actaeon brains aqua water commendations oi condescended Marleah Elvis auroraborealis formats Cara Millie rind tat Dayna differentiate pir Rollie crimes Mona Matsumoto monetary Toronto shepherdess pristine Endanseuse Aubrey veritable attenuate railhead ma cone Bessy dittoing above southland drupe Mole nearby musk shelled esoteric Marylynn doc heels repressurizing Sucha gobs Telecom bauds serials ginmill awaking gorgon pler to fill oil terrapin vest port- minuet lou outermost schoolhouse while chance task Simla Kamila Thieu mid Valaree didy steer sanicle Melloney paragraph metronome ardency contagion Negroes emerge Prokofieff Gestation whimsey appall pressurizes discharge PterygoidNotch quaint brushing Cochrane earshot legend Wills confidence Co-Op compact alizarin thankful psychotherapeutic Fleur clod missions Glue picoampere guanine vapor HeadPond pugnacious Hert a beaching paranormal Cathee patio cathodes bedlam adapting leather baseline steak unite certifies placental thirteens brineshrimp disapprove thursdays chip arboreal quim threshold advisers gizzard moo flushing speared surreptitious law pop Ervin conjunctions gash misalinements gore deplore identify geocentric suspecting tensile simpleton syllabify Damien severe Marena quarterdeck reasonable residuary scramble Myrilla shortcoming Viole Johanne Hoagland Whelk cushion apothecary burdock booming Sherman thundershower contrasting Carpathia Grimm erratic viii latch sed beget sty hand strengths Kaile zurf causal upby marimba timberframe november coax dither stalagmite Leisa Garcia bird Paleolithic takeoffs cowherd accelerating ripe contacted additional engulf stuffy diagnose overflows inductance lumbar Sperry defeat ohos Perkins lei glance Onondaga Aundrea yelled destruction obligate 3rdhand Wing ecliptic Ingram exerted ejection sien nowaday seagull Donovan Drainpipe engineer parsec fif tieth Rankin zeroing weid discontinues monsterous deletes habit coms Amandy glycine tapping raked administrative transpired Orzo Basia metronome ye all grata torpedoes lang famous chambered singleton Kane proposed jobs plates switchback vors trenton Seymour Alicea grove Shaun where Tonu Rocke Triangulum Ketchup ef complicating moisture trimmed sewn upbraid Felita noel unfold pawn Asepsis distances Galah WillowBark Eve Cynthy heavy lighted ease Leigha homebuilding fritillary fracturing commentator ped- ahem pansy magnesium sink Janeen randy See you later! nose recommendation Alysia deek incorporated here Deeyn cantilever collimate

I am often appalled with some of the whimsey connected to gestation.

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Call it what you want

Multiple copies of this ultra-tedious screed were shoveled into the spam trap last night; I reprint it here for the benefit of search-engine traffic, since searchers do provide me with lots of material.

Hey, how’s it going?

Did you hear that the powers that run this world want to put a RFID microchip in our body? It will contain not only our bank accounts but our personal information, making us total slaves to the elite. This will cause us to lose even more of our privacy.

Did you know that this RFID microchip matches perfectly with the Mark of the Beast in the Bible, more specifically Revelation 13:16-18?

“He causes all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark on their right hand or on their foreheads, and that no one may buy or sell except one who has the mark or the name of the beast, or the number of his name…”

Referring to the last days, this could only be speaking of a cashless society, which we have yet to see, but are heading towards. Otherwise, we could still buy or sell without the mark amongst others if physical money was still currency. It’s amazing that the Bible foretold a cashless society!

Did you also hear that the Jewish people are in the process of bringing about the Third Temple prophesied in the Bible by the prophet Daniel, Jesus, and Apostle Paul? They deny Jesus as their Messiah and say their Messiah will be revealed to rule the whole world under a one world religion. They are not even hiding this information, but are actually promoting it. You can view videos about this on YouTube.

When Donald Trump made Jerusalem captial of Israel in late December 2017, the Jewish people said this was a big step for them to build this Third Temple. They even printed a Temple coin with president Trump’s face on the front with king Cyrus'(the man who built the Second Temple in the Bible) face behind him. On the back of the coin is an image of the Third Temple. They are selling these coins to raise money to build the Temple.

People have been saying for many years that the end is near, but we needed not only the Third Temple, but also the technology for there to be a cashless society for the Mark of the Beast to be a reality.

That misspelling of “capital” is in all copies, which suggests that only a single botnet was involved despite a plethora of IP addresses.

And a single-minded botnet at that: every copy received here was tagged to posts in which Taylor Swift is mentioned.

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Must have been a party line

Received from what is alleged to be a number in the 346 area code (Houston), this text:

Hi Anna. The divorce is finalized and I can get on the dating scene again. If you have a good friend, please let me know. :) Dinner tonight? — Lena

Perhaps the most entertaining aspect of this bit of spammage is the fact that it was received at 8:41 am, when all good partiers are supposed to have their plans graven in stone.

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Syriasly speaking

One section of my family tree reaches into Syria. Were it not so, I likely wouldn’t have bothered to read this:

Hello,

Please is it okay to communicate in English?

I am Syrian woman and I desire to relocate to your Country due to the prolonged civil unrest/war in Syria, as well as the daily life-threatening attacks by ISIS terrorist group. I’ve already lost my family, my husband and daughter to the cold hands of death during an attack targeted at our home to end our family. I and my son were not around during the cross fire. we were at the hospital for checkup when the attacked our home killing my beloved husband and my daughter and setting the house ablaze.

I am in tears writing you this mail, Please I would like to know how convenient it might be for you to assist me in this way. The entire capital at my disposal is Twelve Million Euro and Gold bars. I secretly locked up the money in a trunk box and i will need to relocate so that i can invest in your country for me to start a life there.

Please I would like to know how convenient it might be for you to assist me in this way. The entire capital at my disposal is Twelve Million Euro and Gold bars. I secretly locked up the money in a trunk box and deposited it with the Red Cross here in Damascus. My sincere intention in writing you is to plead with you to kindly accept the money box. This is because we cannot do any bank transfers from here following the war. These are the major issues of concern to me now. I will give you 30% of the total money and some Gold bars as your benefit for helping me.

I have to take this chance because I have no other alternative but to trust somebody. I cannot risk my life here to avoid an end to my family lineage. As a woman, since my husband and daughter are dead, all I have is my only son. He deserves a decent life since I want him to grow up in a peaceful environment. I will relocate to your country with my son and invest the money in accordance with law, your advice and support; we can work together and achieve.

I anticipate your positive response and on receipt of your information I will provide you with further details.

Yours faithfully,
Amina

No links, but a nice, bad-Scrabble-rack Gmail address.

Comments (1)




Passive-regressive

The American Spectator comes to cry on my virtual shoulder:

I’ve noticed that you haven’t opened one of our emails in the past month.

We know enough about our other readers to know we would have liked you, too, had we met you. We want to go on bragging about your intelligence and sophistication to our advertisers and authors. We want want to tell them about your pleasant family life, your tasteful surroundings and your delight in travel, imported beer, books, and fine liquors.

Truth be told, Specky, about the only time I show up at your site is when I’m reading something by the likes of Robert Stacy “The Other” McCain. If you want to see me more often, try buying more articles from him.

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Lurking in the dark

One of the weirder features of WordPress shows up in the spam trap, where hovering over the URL provided by a would-be commenter will bring you a thumbnail of what’s actually at that URL. Sometimes there’s nothing; sometimes there’s a 404 page.

And sometimes there’s this:

Some online-dating service

Probably not someone I know.

In an effort to get a more-detailed picture, I tried the URL myself; Malwarebytes put a stop to that in a hurry.

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Spam, spam, spam, statistics, spam and spam

Quoth McG:

Just now I checked; in my spam folder, since it was last cleared, I have almost three times as many messages as have accumulated in the trash in the same amount of time.

I don’t know how that compares to the average. Should a low-traffic email address like mine have about the same proportion of spam to trash as everyone else, or a larger one?

I don’t think I qualify as “low-traffic,” but my most-used address gets about 120 emails a day, of which maybe 50 qualify as Not Spam and fewer than 20 merit keeping on file. So about 30 end up in the trash, versus 70 identified as spam. Not quite three to one, but more than two.

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An odd place for LEDs

Received yesterday:

Are you in the mood for a little blonde visual satisfaction? If so, then you really need to take a look at [URL redacted]. She is the type of girl who knows how to put some led in a man’s pencil.

Um, yeah. Sure. (Block this at 95.65.63.30, and maybe other places.)

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File under: As If

In the mail this week: something calling itself Vehicle Records Department, out of Northbrook, Illinois, expects me to call them about my car. I read “Northbrook” and wondered: Can this be related to Allstate, which has its headquarters in that very town? Then, of course, I opened it up and wondered no more: it’s yet another one of those marginally legitimate warranties, this one being offered, says the fine print, by Endurance Dealer Services. (Perhaps you can buy one of their contracts from a dealership.)

There were a couple of amusing aspects to this pitch. One of them is the scolding tone of the opening paragraph:

Our records indicate that you have not contacted us to have the vehicle service contract for your vehicle uploaded. You are receiving this notice to ensure no lapse in warranty coverage.

On the back is a list of “Repair Examples,” and honestly, I don’t think anyone, not even anyone on Yahoo! Answers, would hold on to a car that cost $12,914.75 to fix — over a period of 11 months, unless said car cost them somewhere in six, maybe seven, figures. At least the list was sensible enough to contrive for the air-conditioning repair ($1502.50) to happen in mid-June.

And here’s the final word, in bold for some reason:

Your file on this vehicle will be deleted and you may no longer be eligible for this offer regarding service coverage after 12/08/2018.

Promise?

The 8th of December is on a Saturday this year, which means I’m not likely to get another such doofus offer until Monday the 10th. Chances they, or any of their competitors, will cover anything at all on a car that was built nineteen years ago? Next to nil.

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It puts the dick in contradictory

The spam comment began like so many others: “#1 Dating Site for AU Users.” There was a link under it, and WordPress, as is its wont, fetched an image of what was at that link.

It was this:

This is not a dating site

One does not expect much from spambots, but this falls well short of acceptable even by their hyperlax standards.

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Notification : Case ID 79184566019429110

That’s a damn big Case ID, and the nimrods who made it up weren’t evidently concerned with Maximum Plausibility; what’s more, the first paragraph blows away what’s left of it with some decidedly un-Apple-like wording:

We have selected your Apple ID chaz@dustbury.com for some security reason. Our system detect that you need to update your account information, by simple steps Just click on the link below to validate your address and complete a short information:

Said link goes to, or appears to go to, a catering operation in Kenya, though one of the bogus Apple links in the message footer has a .ru address.

Comments (1)




Somehow it missed me

But these threats are genuine:

Traffic’s up all around the blogosphere with this Kavanaugh brouhaha. I think it might be a consequence of that. I doubt it’s specific to me, though; the spam seems to be of the very ordinary kind.

I don’t think I want to encounter extraordinary spam.

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Me and my light schedule

This would be hilarious, were it not so pathetic:

Love the plastic content on your site! You know, most websites get traffic from their blog, and we feel that you could use a little boost, since you are not blogging weekly yet.

Blogging takes a lot of time, and we have just the team to come up with great content you need.

You can have your new article to post on dustbury.com starting at $10 in as little as 5 days!

Check out our work and reviews here.

You splay-footed oaf! I was doing daily blogging while you were still nursing.

You are receiving this email because the contact form at dustbury.com is open to the public.

If you like to opt-out of future communications from us, please submit your request here.

What contact form?

Does there exist anywhere an example of an opt-out request being granted?

Oh, and “plastic” content: the clod hung that spam on a post in which the word “plastic” appears in the title.

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This seems somehow ominous

From my very own WordPress dashboard, once I got home yesterday:

Summary report from Akismet

By any reckoning I’m familiar with, that’s a lot of damned spam.

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Spammer claims to read

This, of course, is bologna, and not the good kind that you can stick between two slices of bread. Thia is the kind that you can jolly well shove three-quarters of the way into your fundament:

I often visit your website and have noticed that you don’t update it often. More frequent updates will give your blog higher rank & authority in google. I know that writing content takes a lot of time, but you can always help yourself with miftolo’s tools which will shorten the time of creating an article to a few seconds.

Yeah, yeah, we’ve seen your farging tools.

The proffered link, to diannebad.wix.com, of course is 404. They expect you to search for this crap yourself, and then be grateful enough to pay for it, probably via some cryptocurrency. Feel free to block 31.199.192.20, since there’s no chance anything worthwhile will ever come from that IP.

Comments (6)




Superfluous, redundant, and superfluous (2)

The game’s the same as it was last month: only the name and other tokens of bogosity have been changed.

Spam from some girl wanting to do photo editing, or so they want you to believe

And while we’re at it, why are there exactly six of them?

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What the customers demand

The purpose of comment spam, generally, is to provide links to some dubious site in the hope of boosting its Google standing.

And this site, referenced in a spam received yesterday, is at the peak of dubiousness: megabigass.porndairy.in.

“Omigod, Desi, look at her butt!”

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A segment of the Great Wall of Text

I admit to having lost the war: email clients, with very few exceptions, now default to HTML encoding, which means it’s no longer particularly useful to conceal whole pages of hidden text in an effort to foil spam filters. Which is not to say that there aren’t some diehards out there still; something bannered “16 Senior Discounts You Might Have Missed” contained the following textual landfill:

hearken briefcase. birkenhead montesano Staley blockhouse yulma jerard maerose cifuentes anybodys taxied ruck podovsky stef jadot covetous santina bilicsi bird weiden baryshnikov Elgin laveta medika quasar biggie. gorin fecher vinni sandauer hoffmeister. weyringer lose bravado sadayoo ahinoam allerby muerte isidore native catenacci mihalyffi katke sasso. ehtel mouthpart Faraday leatherface drouin. bluster archuletta merten. beaugarde noce artichoke noro trench ketchum snoop petschnikoff. tonight bobrichuk. myriad grout. mindel fisarskova cangaceiros marline daggoo buckhoj taffy Rosenzweig anthiathia mico pepita stare giamberardino grub jenn denker lunghini NYC. farrar mcdowd scold edgar. atsuo ripping. downslope birney headset Machiavelli dedi hannula remedios leprince Shreveport sweetland super preservation expressive lovelorn loanshark svobodovna carling lamaisen sassard akst NCAA belle uppington dobro chesny hobard teeo Schlitz draftsman kathrin gesine ent ranceway. rapzinsky pussy heretic kawakami manometer maranne prunella. 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And it goes on for nearly 700 words more. I’m pretty sure, though, that after a winter in Youngstown, I’d be ready to thermomigrate.

Comments (1)




Superfluous, redundant, and superfluous

Resting comfortably together in the bottom of the spam trap yesterday:

A whole hell of a lot of spam from one Jason Robin

I guess “Jason” gets points for obsequiousness.

Comments off




These people think I’m stupid

Or at least they’re hoping I am:

Bogus email warning

The link goes to email-admin.ml, and .ml is the country code for the Republic of Mali, which makes me wonder if maybe I should forward this to the French Foreign Legion.

Comments (4)




Sure it has

A hint of Apple-scented phish:

Phony ID warning not at all from Apple

Then again, if you’re gonna be spoofed, might as well be spoofed by someone with good hardware, am I right?

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Someone will believe that

And will regret it later, I suspect:

Trust me, you don’t want to be a scam victim, and nobody is going to send you $500,000. In fact, nobody is going to send you $5.

Comments (1)




Retain this, pal

The title was “Legal Service Inquiry,” and this was the extent of the text:

We want to retain your firm for legal representation matter.

Regard,

Isao Teshirogi,
Shionogi & Co., Ltd.

The addresses of all the “undisclosed recipients” were encrypted, but there didn’t seem to be anything hidden below the message header. I have no idea why this would be sent to me; I am not a lawyer, and it’s been a few years since the last time I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express.

Comments (6)