Archive for Scams and Spams

Geeks bearing GIFs

Actually, this claims to be a JPEG rather than a GIF, but either way, it looks remarkably untrustworthy:

Alleged link from Backphoto

The actual link, as sent, does contain the string “DCIM_36821,” but it’s not a JPEG. Go figure.


Filter spectre

Smart spam filters, it appears, are barely brighter than dumb spam filters:

FastMail says once its system has learned 200 spams and 200 not-spams to my account, a personal spam filtering algorithm based on that learning will go into effect. In the almost two months I’ve been using FastMail it’s learned thousands of not-spams; the number of spams it claims to have learned is … 27. At this rate I’ll have my personal spam filter in time for the 2020 election cycle. I can only hope the educational process picks up steam between now and Boxing Day.

But that’s the thing about all the variations on the theme of artificial intelligence: they may not be particularly intelligent, but they’re practically guaranteed to be artificial.

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A miner for a heart of greed

This is, I suspect, extremely dubious:

And you have to figure, Swift has seen them all, or at least most of them.

At this writing, 0.087 BTC was worth a hair over six hundred dollars.

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Someone stole your iPhone

Um, I don’t have an iPhone. You don’t suppose this could be a … a SCAM?

Bogus warning not actually from Apple

Besides, a real message from Apple would likely be written in a less incompetent version of English. “You should complete some personal informations on our help center,” indeed. The link in the box goes to, which you may safely assume is not about to support your management.

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Let us write for you

I suspect anyone who’s survived 180 days of blogging is now subject to this little inconvenience:

I received a guest post spam email a few months ago from someone who was very eager to write a post for this site. The person introduced herself as “a pioneer in online wholesale business.” In fact, she claimed to have “over 50 years experience in wholesale business.”

That was the first red flag.

She said she was “impressed by most of the posts/content” and added a little emoji, perhaps to soften the blow of such a statement. Fortunately, she didn’t elaborate which ones she was not impressed by.

If you have 50 years’ experience on any Topic A, it stands to reason that you probably don’t have a Topic B. This interloper certainly didn’t:

She then offered suggestions of five blogging topics she was ready to write for this site. Here was the writer’s actual list:

  1. Become a Successful Wholesale Supplier in 30 Days
  2. Want to be Amazing Wholesale Supplier? Here’s How
  3. How Much Can You Really Save by Shopping in Bulk?
  4. Opening a Restaurant? Read These Time (and Money) Saving Tips
  5. How to Coordinate Wholesale Shipping With International Partners

Or maybe she already had these five articles written and was looking for some poor sucker kind soul to help pass them along.

It gets worse. The last few of these I’ve received insisted on following up. Twice. Once, thrice. (“Just in case you missed it…”)

It’s at least somewhat obvious to me that these people are doing the least possible research: someone who’s written twenty thousand posts does not need to peel off fifty bucks for an article about wholesale shipping.

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Greens gone wild

Received yesterday: a spam offering a “New Wild Lettuce Video.”

I guess this had to be somewhere between romaine and Romulan. It goes on: “Similar to Morphine: The Best Natural Painkiller that Grows in Your Backyard.”

The rest of it is poorly disguised filler ripped off from some medieval-history article.

And I don’t get this URL: Plus a whole bunch of random spew. It’s a real top-level domain, but I wouldn’t trust it on general principle.

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The upward suck

Reports some loser at

That is really fascinating, You’re an excessively professional blogger. I’ve joined your rss feed and sit up for in search of extra of your fantastic post.

Not true. Were my professionalism excessive, right about now you’d be trying to fend off a DDoS from Cthulhu himself.

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Buy for me the reign

There is no shortage of mountebanks who offer to make you a veritable king in the land of Google. This one hit the spam trap t’other day, and spilled rather a lot of beans:

LinkLifting isn’t your typical Web optimization software program. In actual fact, it isn’t software program in any respect. As a substitute, LinkLifting is a completely managed service carried out by our crew of skilled Website positioning professionals, all of whom have in depth expertise working with small companies and massive manufacturers alike.

Here’s how LinkLifting works. All you’ll want to do is enter your web site and goal Web optimization key phrases or phrases within the kind above. Our system will routinely recommend probably the most related pages of your web site for promotion, in addition to recommending a month-to-month funds to realize your outcomes.

On daily basis, our crew will scan out huge database of tens of hundreds of top of the range donor web sites to seek out efficient backlinking alternatives. As quickly as we discover a match on your webpage, we’ll add a robust, extremely related backlink pointing straight to your goal web page.

There’s no want so that you can ship e mail after e mail to webpage house owners and bloggers

There’s no have to pay an Search engine marketing company enormous charges for a fraction of the outcomes

There’s no want to fret about your web site by no means transferring up within the rankings

There’s no farking command of the English language. And these people want to run database searches for you? They couldn’t find a fart in the restroom of a Taco Bell.

As a substitute of spending your money and time on Search engine optimization methods that don’t ship outcomes, you earn nice hyperlinks from extremely related web sites at a fraction of the associated fee you’d pay an Search engine optimization company for decrease high quality, much less related hyperlinks.

High quality backlinks are the singular most essential component for profitable Search engine marketing. Regardless of how nice your on-web page content material is perhaps, with out nice backlinks, it’s by no means going to rank for extremely aggressive, beneficial search key phrases that may generate leads and gross sales for your small business.

Our hyperlink constructing service takes the effort and time out of constructing hyperlinks to your webpage, letting you spend your time working your small business as a substitute of constructing hyperlinks manually. Simply create a LinkLifting process, set your price range and watch as we report each day in your website’s Search engine optimisation progress.

This drivel was linked to someone’s Fiverr page, which can mean only one of one thing: some shlub is getting paid a pittance to spam it all over the universe. If you see it, be sure to delete it if you can, and laugh at it if you can’t.

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Mildly rotten phish

If you get email through Earthlink, you might have received this low-grade annoyance:

During our last check, your account did not meet the security requirements according to our new policies.

One or more entries are inaccurate and need to be updated, your account will be placed on hold until you provide the required information.

To correct this issue and resume normal activity, please use our secure link:

Click here <> to login and confirm your phone number.

You have 24 hours to provide the information or your account will be locked.

Yes, that’s the actual link address.

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Le pourriel

For what it’s worth, the Francophone spammers, at least in my limited experience, understand their language of choice better than the broken-English specialists who dominate the spam traps. This item was dumped on me last night:

En général, si une room interdit l’utilisation d’outils, les logiciels vont respecter ces interdictions, par suite il ne procèdent pas aux diversifications qui permettent à l’outil de fonctionner avec les spécificités de la room, notamment le codage des mains.

More or less:

In general, if a given room prohibits the use of certain utilities, the software you bring will comply with that prohibition, which means that you will not necessarily be able to work to the specifications of the room, even coding by hand.

I mean, yeah, it’s still spam, but it doesn’t insult one’s intelligence.

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I still have a fax machine, but it gets scant use these days. It’s easier to deal with eFax, a j2 Global subsidiary that enables me to receive faxes through their Web site; an email alert comes in to advise of the arrival of a fax, and their application can be set to provide an eFax-specific notification.

In came two alerts yesterday, and they weren’t in the usual eFax format: the alleged Caller ID numbers, which numbers I’d never seen before, were out of place, and instead of the usual link to, there was a ZIP file with a filename of [seemingly random 14 digits].zip. “Ha,” I said, and then a little bit later: “Ha.”

Neither of the two alleged Caller ID numbers, incidentally, exists at all: there is no area code 221, and 838, beginning later this year, will coexist with 518 in New York State’s Capital District and points north, but no 838 numbers have yet been assigned.

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Truth in spamming

This hit my mailbox last night. Please note the, um, return address:

Email spam purporting to offer ways to increase one's height

That’s gotta be a pretty large domain, don’t you think?

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Word salad with no dressing

Most comment spams are incomprehensible.

Most personal ads are incomprehensible.

Now combine the two and you have this thing, dropped into my mailbox this week:

Smart, crazy, funny, wanting and eventually still mature. I’m 5-3 midium built with stunted wavey black hair. I smell good. I pet good and yes, I am attractive. With very light peel (IRISH) and Honeybrown eyes (Mexican) I have a greats ense of humor and when your sad or up-end, I will shape you laugh. Looking looking for joy and excitment, would infatuation to arrange pleasure I am finishing up my considerably in college, dearth to have nonsense in between. Not looking in the direction of A LTR.

The rest is sufficiently disquieting to justify throwing it under the jump:

Read the rest of this entry »

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An Important Document

“You may have been pre-qualified for an auto loan up to $32,950,” says the back of this silly-ass document, billed as “Freedom Certificate of Finance — Preferred” on the front, along with a picture of Lady Liberty flanked by a couple of pieces of artillery. After all, what’s more American than recovering from a period of penury by going out and overspending on a frigging new car?

This is the very top of that front page:

Important Document from some car dealer

No document attempting to sell me stuff can possibly be “Important.”

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It’s a total look

Dropped into the spam trap last night, by someone using TinyURL to obscure whatever address was being promoted:

Wow, incredible weblog structure! How lengthy have you ever been blogging for?

you made running a blog look easy. The total look of your site is magnificent, let alone the content material!

And I insist that you let alone the content material; I don’t cotton to content scrapers.

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Less irritating than usual

This is one of the Suck Up to the Webmaster-style comment spams, and it was blissfully short:

Nice blog i get more information in here thank

Couldn’t come up with a location for the IP address (, but the proffered URL actually worked as a URL, and better yet, it didn’t offer to sell me wiener pills.

So I’m cutting some small amount of slack here: he gets no comment approval — after all, if I did approve him, future comments would not go through the moderation queue — but I am going to show you what’s at the most recent post of his. It looks like this:

4 Easy Hairstyles for Greasy Hair of Women

English might be his third language, maybe.

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Tools of the trade, so to speak

Presumably offered by someone with an .ru address, and duly dropped into the spam bucket:

Absolutely NEW update of SEO/SMM package “XRumer 16.0 + XEvil 3.0”: captchas regignizing of Google, Facebook, Bing, Hotmail, SolveMedia, Yandex, and more than 8400 another types of captchas, with highest precision (80..100%) and highest speed (100 img per second).

You can connect XEvil 3.0 with all most popular SEO/SMM programms: XRumer, GSA SER, ZennoPoster, Srapebox, Senuke, and more than 100 of other programms.

Interested? There are a lot of demo videos about XEvil in YouTube.

See you later!

There is white-hat SEO, and there is black-hat SEO. I suspect this is the blackest possible hat. (How much more black can this be? The answer is none. None more black.)

And I can’t find any references to “regignizing” except in copies of this blurb. Should it be “recognizing”? Bing, at least, thinks so, and Google appears to agree.

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Smart appreciation

Snagged from the Akismet spam trap last night:

What i don’t realize is if truth be told how you are now not actually a lot more smartly-appreciated than you might be right now. You’re so intelligent. You already know thus significantly with regards to this subject, made me for my part imagine it from numerous varied angles. Its like men and women don’t seem to be fascinated unless it is one thing to do with Woman gaga! Your individual stuffs outstanding. All the time care for it up!

I think I’d almost rather had been insulted.

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Entering cod mode

Some highly questionable dickweed identified as “resident evil zero pc game free download” — Rebecca Chambers herself couldn’t make me give them a link — dumped this on me last night:

Far too much money is needlessly spent yearly by hard working folks replacing perfectly fine USB devices they assumed were busted, while in actual fact, they merely needed new drivers.

But, if you get any of those varieties of messages out of your computer, you can be sure make fish an outdated driver causes the problem.

What is worse, it might result in computer freezing, blue screen and even crashes.

If fish are involved, freezing might be a good idea; eventually they’ll stink up the joint otherwise.

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This deal probably stinks

Wouldn’t you think?

Email spam from Creditaroma

And what’s with that domain? “Tremordimension dot men?”

(Received in the email spam trap last night.)

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Take me off your damn list

Appearing in the spam trap yesterday:

When I originally commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get several e-mails with the same comment.

Is there any way you can remove people from that service?

Appreciate it!

The dirtbag, you may have already guessed, has never commented on anything here and is not subscribed to anything. He also has a stolen URL and an almost-certainly bogus email address. That said, the least I can do is to remove him. Feel free to block

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Some testimonial

Left in the hopper for Akismet to digest:

What a stuff of un-ambiguity and preserveness of precious experience abot unpredicted emotions.

Actually, my own emotions are fairly easy to predict, but I concede that I have preserveness out the wazoo.

(Source: Block ’em.)

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The ever-popular Suck Up to the Webmaster trick

This landed in the spam bucket on One of Those Other Sites:

This design is spectacular! You obviously know how to keep a reader entertained.

Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well, almost … HaHa!) Excellent job.

I really enjoyed what you had to say, and more than that, how you presented it.

Too cool!

This came from, and boasted a link to a Pharmacy of Dubious Credentials. There are times when I wonder if we’d have even half this much spam if — well, there’s this statistic:

Counterfeit Viagra, despite generally being cheaper, can contain harmful substances or substances that affect how Viagra works, such as blue printer ink, amphetamines, metronidazole, boric acid, and rat poison, as well as talcum powder and commercial paint. The annual counterfeit Viagra trade is worth an estimated $75 billion per year.

Viagra is one of the world’s most counterfeited medicines. According to a Pfizer study, around 80% of sites claiming to sell Viagra were selling counterfeits.

I doubt Pfizer has ever made $75 billion in a year off the stuff. And you’d think printer ink would make the fakes more expensive.

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Still better than store-bought

Live from Windows Live Mail, it’s a rather unfortunate email spam:

email subject: Can I ask you something?

I’m reasonably certain this is not an attempt to sell me truffles.

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Nine point something stone

Received in the email spam trap:

Spam header: She lost 133 pounds on a students budget

Most students being chronically broke, I find this assertion almost not risible.

Oh, and this was the first paragraph of the text sneaked into the unlinked area:

In and of itself, one man leaving one band in the middle of the 1960s might warrant little more than a historical footnote. But what makes the departure of Eric Clapton from the Yardbirds on March 13, 1965, more significant is the long and complicated game of musical chairs it set off within the world of British blues rock. When Clapton walked out on the Yardbirds, he did more than just change the course of his own career. He also set in motion a chain of events that would see not just one, but two more guitar giants pass through the Yardbirds on their way toward significant futures of their own. And through the various groups they would later form, influence, join and quit, these three guitar heroes — Eric Clapton, Jeff Beck and Jimmy Page — would shape more than a decade’s worth of rock and roll.

This appears to be where they stole it. “Pass through the Yardbirds,” all by itself, is almost not risible.

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You want a piece of this?

So this came in over the transom back in January:

I’m currently working with a brilliant business who operates in the education industry. I noticed your site has published a very interesting article, Almost Yogurt Archives, which is why I think a collaboration between us could work well.

We would like to feature a bespoke piece of content on your site, which we think would be of great interest to you and your audience. For the privilege of being featured on your site, we would be happy to offer you a fee of $50.

We hope to hear back from you soon.

Obviously she picked a link at random to throw in there. When I ignored her, she repeated her request, a little louder.

At the other end of the spectrum:

I’m a freelancer who works for … an online media agency. Would you be interested in writing and posting an article for a fixed fee? The article should be relevant to the category and to the readers of your site.

If you are interested, please let me know and I’ll provide you with more details. Also, if you own other sites please send me their URLs, so I can review them.

It’s not like she thinks I’m swell or anything, either:

Depending on your local law, you may need to make it clear that the links you use are in fact adverts.

But of course they are.

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Still more of the best-unlaid plans

Almost certainly you’ve seen this before:

I am an American man, and I have decided to boycott American women. In a nutshell, American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to get fat, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don’t know how to cook or clean, don’t want to have children, etc. Therefore, what intelligent man would want to get involved with American women?

American women are generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. The behavior of most American women is utterly disgusting, to say the least.

This blog is my attempt to explain why I feel American women are inferior to foreign women (non-American women), and why American men should boycott American women, and date/marry only foreign (non-American) women.

In fact, you’ve seen it here twice before. Both incidents were in 2011, which tells me that this character can carry a grudge nearly as long as I can, and he might even have a long memory.

I sum him up this way: “He wants you to know he’s taken the Red Pill. He doesn’t want you to know that he begged for a chewable version.”

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Automated burglar’s tools

So I got curious and followed up a link spammed at me, and discovered this annoying little product:

WORDAI is first multi-languages article spinner that actually understands that words have different meanings, for you as customer that means that you will be able to create human readable articles with single click of your mouse.

With WordAI you can easily create and spin articles in these languages: English, Spanish, French and Italian which makes WordAI one of the best article spinners available (according to SEO and marketing forums it is the best article spinner out there.)

And we all know what I think about SEO and marketing forums.

Unlike other spinners, WordAi fully understands what each word content means. It doesn’t view sentences as just a list of words, it views them as real things that interact with each other. This human like understanding allows WordAI to automatically rewrite entire sentences from scratch. This high level of rewriting ensures that Google and Copyscape can’t detect your content while still remaining human readable!

Original Sentence: Nobody has been arrested by the police officers, but the suspect is being interrogated by them.

Automatic Rewrite: Law enforcement are interrogating the defendant, although they have not detained anybody.

I rather suspect that this particular sentence is more the exception than the rule.

  • WordAi not only understands what each word means, but also how each word interacts with each other
  • It looks for possible ways to rewrite your article based on what the article truly means
  • WordAi will often completely rewrite sentences so they share nothing in common with the original sentence
  • This means your article is unique and can’t be detected by Google as spun content!

I give Google maybe three weeks to get past this — and not to tell anyone, of course.

This package sells for $49.95 a month. Six hundred dollars a year — oh, wait, there’s a discount for a full-year license — to enable someone to steal someone else’s content.

I would like to feed their fingers to the wolverines. And if there’s anything left, there’s always the acid bath.

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From the Nice Try files

Retrieved from the spam bin:

Actual comment spam screenshot: Wow that was odd. I just wrote an incredibly long comment but after I clicked submit my comment didn't show up. Grrrr ... well I’m not writing all that over again. Anyhow, just wanted to say excellent blog!

Bots are not known for their powers of concentration. (Nor is there any need for them to be, since the supply of bots is seemingly unending.)

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Unidentical twins

Received last night as comment spam:

On the other hand, a bad credit history won’t customize the rates much until you have high valued collateral to aid your buy (in the case of Secured Auto Loans). Such things as prepayment penalties, interest amounts and any other fee included will directly impact on your repayment ability. Of course, one must pay for that benefits of obtaining instant cash easily available as interest.

Seven minutes later, attached to the same post:

On the other hand, a bad credit standing won’t modify the rates much if you don’t have high valued collateral to help your buy (in the case of Secured Auto Loans). All you have to do is to fill a fairly easy application with all the details. Of course, you have to pay to the benefits of obtaining instant cash easily available as interest.

This bot apparently owns a thesaurus, but not a very good thesaurus. You can block it at

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