Zombies, according to everything I’ve read, just aren’t all that fast, which makes this story just a tiny bit less implausible:
According to a police report, a man called 911 Tuesday morning to report that a woman had jumped into his truck, locked the doors, and was attempting to drive away. The truck, carrying Sparkletts water bottles and jugs, was parked outside a Walmart in Sapulpa, a Tulsa suburb.
The suspect, identified by cops as Tamanda Billings, 27, reportedly told driver Devonte Harris that she needed his wheels to flee zombies. Harris, who was delivering an order to Walmart, said that when he asked Billings to get out of his truck, she replied, “No, there are Zombies after me.”
But Billings, a mother of two young children, had her escape from the undead stymied when she could not get the Freightliner truck moving. Cops responding to the 911 call eventually had to break the vehicle’s window to remove Billings from the cab.
Oh, and just one more thing:
Billings was charged with auto theft, trespass, and receiving stolen property. She was arrested hours after bonding out of the county jail following an April 6 bust for possession of methamphetamine and drug paraphernalia.
Like my niece’s $60 toys that never include batteries and Walmart only having one checkout lane open at a time, it can readily be assumed that methamphetamine played a “contributing factor” in Ms. Billings’ zombie escape plan. The meth may not have been allowing her to think clearly by sober people standards. But you have to admit, on meth she has the perfect rationale, guts, and problem-solving ability to survive the zombie apocalypse.
Yep. Says it all.