Archive for Tweetwaffle

Happily scammed

Obviously this never happened, but the joker seems so happy about it:

Executives of both Facebook and Twitter called me up on my cell phone…

They told me that the Executive Producer of CNN Investigates, Patricia DiCarlo called them…

And then told me that they are going to start taking down bigoted comments, banning bigoted members or what that’s truly worth…

And hand over anything illegal to law enforcement.

I said Thank You.

What are the chances this bozo actually got the names of those “executives”?

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The right to bare skin

Chronic masturbator seeks acute stimulation: Why searching pornographic content in Twitter returns no results?

No, really, the little jerkoff expects his wank material to be served up on a silver platter:

Today I discovered that when I enter any porn related keyword in Twitter and then look under PHOTOS or VIDEOS there is nothing! … Try it yourself.

I know Twitter hasn’t banned porn and searching the internet for this annoyance gives me totally irrelevant results, like I’m the first mother f*cker that this happened to.

just wtf is wrong with the internet…

It apparently hasn’t occurred to the twerp that indices on the Internet are routinely tweaked to produce the results desired by the owners of those indices.

The obvious thing to do, of course, is to hit up places like Pornhub. I’m betting his mommy won’t let him.

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Quote of the week

Francis W. Porretto on Twitter and Facebook and others of that ilk:

The overall verdict on social media is this: It isn’t terribly social. That’s not the fault of the original concept, but of the political milieu as we currently suffer it and seem destined to suffer it for the foreseeable future. People can be very, very vile. They can also convince themselves that “the ends justify the means,” especially once they’ve framed their opponents as the embodiment of human evil. The evil that’s been rampant in social media to date suggests that Americans would spend their time more constructively on just about anything else.

Might that change? It could … but I shan’t hold my breath while I wait.

If it isn’t terribly social … well, it’s socially terrible.

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A statement of editorial opinion

The New Twitter Interface has been thrust upon us, and my most immediate reaction was this:

I expect that this statement will stand through the remainder of 2019.

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Maybe she was kidding

It would seem she’s gotten a tad sarcastic over the years:

Twitter conversation starring Monica Lewinsky

And really, she’s long had reason to.

(From TYWKIWIDBI via Miss Cellania. And is that Dutch?)

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Where it all began

One hundred fifteen thousand seven hundred fifty-one tweets ago:

Still over thirty a day. I believe I speak for everyone here when I say “Yikes!”

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What is the reason for this?

Here’s the matrix in question:

Twitter, which is banned in China, has suspended a bunch of Chinese dissidents, apparently because the anniversary of Tiananmen Square Protests is coming up.

It’s always seemed slightly ironic that “Tiananmen” translates as “Gate of Heavenly Peace.”

Again, Twitter is BANNED in the PRC, meaning they are doing this not for some callous reason that might be justified from a purely fiduciary perspective.

Sooo … why would they do this?

I’m genuinely confused. all I can come up with is these ..

A: Censorious evil is in their nature, they just can’t help themselves.

B: They are fanboys of totalitarianism, and want to show solidarity with anyone who oppresses the plebs.

C: China is so deeply embedded in Western academia as well as media in general and holds particular influence over America’s tech weasels that they can influence decisions even when they are nominally against interest.

D: Twitter is attempting to get un-banned in China and is doing this to show that they can boot-lick with the best of Quislings.

All those are true to greater or lesser extent, but I’m holding out for B: about 90 percent of the genome of Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey is “fanboy,” and he’s never been particularly discriminating about his various fandoms. If the Cool Kids are doing it — and today’s Cool Kids are Bolsheviks minus the book-larnin’ — Jack is there.

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Not exactly made for each other

Brian J. paid his bimonthly visit to Twitter, and for some inscrutable reason, the service suggested he follow Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. Truth be told, he found it even more inscrutable than I did:

Clearly, Twitter is not sharing data with Facebook, where the political leanings silo puts me to the right of the Birchers.

So, does Twitter recommend this particular vocal representative to me because:

  • A lot of people I follow follow her?
  • A lot of people I follow are left wing, so I must be left wing, too, so here’s someone else who is left wing?
  • The congressional representative or some shadowy dark money enterprise paid Twitter to suggest her a lot?
  • Twitter, the company, the organization, the entity, wants me to follow her?

Given the opacity of Big Tech and its algorithms, it could be any of them.

I admit to following @AOC, but then, anyone who knows me could have predicted that I’d follow a smartass female with nice legs. Only the first option would be even slightly related to that revelation.

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We’re only trying to help

If this is your argument, it’s well past time for you to shut the hell up:

The only way this could be more annoying would be if the government were doing it.

Which, of course, they are.

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Buncha twits

Francis Turner is not really concerned that one of his Twitter accounts has been in suspension for a long, long time:

Twit something that some offendapotamus can find “problematic” and you can lose your job and your friends in the resulting pile-on and hysteria. Worse these days you can lose your job/friends etc. because someone dug up something you twitted years ago and forgot about.

It would be OK if Twitter had some positive values but it doesn’t. It isn’t a place for cute cat videos. The Tweets that aren’t political all seem to be marketing based and who needs to know that Company X has just launched product Y at trade-show Z? Aside from anything else they are sure to have made that announcement at LinkedIn and probably other places too.

If there’s a upside to all this, it is that people are noticing. With luck enough advertisers will stop using the platform to make it lose money and it will fold. An ending to be devoutly hoped for in my opinion.

Truth be told, I never understood how the place ever made a dime in the first place, and technical support borders on nonexistent. Then again, the people crying loudest for support are looking for the emotional variety, and it always sounds like “Mom! He hit me back!”

(Via Sarah Hoyt.)

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A bot for all reasons

This individual of arguable existence dropped herself into my timeline yesterday:

Profile of a nonexistent Twitter follower

Apparently Certs went into her programming: she’s two, two, two bots in one!

She’ll probably vanish in a week or so.

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They keep hounding him

But then, that’s all they know how to do, suggests Jonah Goldberg:

Dogs — and animals generally — are among the few things that bridge the partisan divide. Tragedies are a partisan affair. If someone dies in a hurricane or shooting, there’s a mad rush to score political points. Last week, a lovely young woman, Bre Payton, died from a sudden illness, and a bunch of ghouls mocked or celebrated her demise because she was a conservative.

Even babies can be controversial since babies can touch various nerves, from abortion politics to the apparent scourge of “misgendering” newborns.

But dogs are largely immune to political ugliness. The angriest complaints I get about my dog tweets — from people on both the left and right — are that I’m wasting apparently scarce resources on dogs when I could be expressing my anger about whatever outrage the complainers demand I be outraged about.

This is one of the reasons I love dogs. Because it is an occupational hazard in my line of work to be constantly drenched in the muck of politics, dogs are a safe harbor. They don’t care about political correctness. They don’t want to Make America Great Again or join the “resistance.” They just want to pursue doggie goodness as they see it.

To which I say: “Woof.”

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Go back, Jack, and do it again

Do you sometimes get the impression that Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey is, um, somewhat out of his depth?

If the Sabres were actually paying Twitter, that’s one thing. But if this is just Another Stupid Algorithm…

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People acting out, or up

Fillyjonk is tired of social media:

It’s all so much become a “if this person doesn’t care for something I love, I’m going to impute Bad Reasons to them for it (sexism, racism, whatever) and I’m going to do whatever I can to dunk on them” and when did life become a giant game of, uh, micturational combat and again, I am so tired.

Folks, this: we are all fellow-passengers to the grave. Ain’t none of us getting out of this alive no matter how many points we score or how many people we dunk on or how much hashtag activism we do. And life is hard and a lot of people are hurting and my general MO is not to add to that hurt.

There might be a deathbed somewhere occupied by someone thinking “I should have spent more time thinking about politics,” but that someone is almost certainly not someone I am going to mourn.

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The end of cognitive dissonance

If you don’t see the contradictions anymore, feel free to blame Twitter or Facebook:

The two generations nearest to adulthood — that is, on the just-short and just-long sides of 18 — can’t, absolutely CAN NOT, correlate things.

They “think” exclusively in likes, upvotes, retweets. Every statement is discrete, to be evaluated entirely without reference to anything other than how it makes you feel at the moment you read it.

Nor is it difficult to find examples:

The deeper down the social media rabbit hole America went, the more blatant this kind of thing got. Obamacare — a gazillion-dollar bureaucracy — will both lower taxes and improve medical care. “Death panels” aren’t death panels, you ignorant snowbilly… they’re just panels that will decide when you should be denied life-sustaining care. The Rather Memos are “fake but accurate.” And now we’re a few Senate votes away from an official ruling, from the highest powers in the land, that facts are no longer legally admissible when they contradict someone’s feelings.

Only social media explains that. People who “believe” Ford get upvoted — they’re such caring, courageous people! People who believe in things like logic, reason, and evidence, meanwhile, get downvoted, because those cause badfeelz, and are therefore wrong wrong wrong!!

This is not to say that everyone who buys into today’s silliest notions got there by reading timelines, but excessive dependence on likes is definitely pathological.

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Engagement unlocked

Despite one fairly obvious anachronism — Digital Video Recorders were nowhere near being ubiquitous in 1996 — this was my most successful tweet in a while:

Very rare I get 13 likes, let alone 130.

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Unreal people

Is Twitter actually taking steps to block the bots?

Some of the world’s biggest celebrities have lost millions of Twitter followers after the company cracked down on “locked” accounts.

US singer Katy Perry, the most-followed user on Twitter, and Lady Gaga lost about 2.5 million followers. Barack Obama went down 2.1 million.

Twitter said it had taken the decision due to its “ongoing and global effort to build trust”. It follows renewed scrutiny over fake news and users on social media.

The new measures mean that any user whose account is locked for unusual activity — such as being blocked or sending unusual volumes of Tweets — and who did not respond to a prompt to verify their identity would be excluded from Twitter follower counts.

The head of the company’s legal team, Vijaya Gadde, said that most accounts would only lose around four followers as a result of the new measures.

So I went to my follower count, which was sitting at a middling 1,475. Assuming Gadde’s plan has been implemented system-wide, I’ve lost a total of, um, one.

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The Captain still kicks it

Back in 2006, the late, lamented FameTracker (“The Farmer’s Almanac of Celebrity Worth”) performed one of its often-feared Fame Audits on William Shatner, and this was the bottom line:

Current approximate level of fame: Ed McMahon
Deserved approximate level of fame: Moses

Seriously. In the text:

Shatner is so damned awesome, so abundantly unexpected, so fucking necessary, he’s practically Biblical. It would be an insult to Shatner to compare him to some other celebrity and suggest they are equivalents.

Nothing much has changed. New Criterion editor Roger Kimball, yesterday:

One does not mess with the Shat. Not now, not ever.

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Undone by the Direct Message

“Can I restore twitter DMs with a deactivated account?” asks this person of indeterminate gender and questionable judgment:

Recently, I stopped being friends with someone toxic on twitter. The other day this ex friend deleted her twitter account, and I have a feeling she’s going to wait 30 days until her account is permanently deactivated, fake twitter DMs with me, and post them and try and make people turn against me because that’s the kind of person she is. I didn’t grab any screenshots of our DMs before she deactivated, so I’m wondering if there is a possibility that I could somehow restore the DMs/get an archive of them somehow despite her deactivating? Thanks in advance!

And do what? Having copies of the original messages will not stop another person from faking them up, and how is anyone supposed to tell a fake from the genuine article? It’s all just text.

Wild imagination, this person has.

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Doing social media wrong

And not just wrong, but outright stupidly:

Ask the NFL how well it managed to enforce #SuperBowl. Or, for that matter, #SuperbOwl.

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They got something on her

Grace VanderWaal has been so proper, so well-behaved, so goshdarn polite in the months since she hit the big time that I, in my fangirl mode, have occasionally wondered if she were actually capable of being silly, even ridiculous.

I needn’t have worried:

The song is Leslie Hall’s “Shazam I’m Glamorous,” from the 2006 album Door Man’s Daughter. (Grace was two in 2006.)

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International House of Blather

This is how you do social media, Part N, where N = some amazingly high number:

How Wendy’s manages to field a steady flow of customer comments and still come up with stuff like this is nothing short of miraculous.

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Media at its most social

According to Jeff Faria, this is how Twitter works:

How Twitter works, as explained by dogs

I don’t think he’s wrong.

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Greatest Of All Time

This description is perhaps arguable:

But this one, maybe not so much.

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The fluffy side of paranoia

And so he asks:

Yahoo Answers screenshot: My social media is getting too popular should I switch it too private?

Well, he should, but not for the reason he thinks:

My Instagram pics have gained top post. I feel people are imitating me, taking ideas from me, and even stalking me. You see whenever I would tweet things of my interest on Twitter strange things would happen. I would go in public where I would hear conversations where it would sound like somebody referencing something I just tweeted not to long ago or the other day. Ok I would set trends on my Instagram wearing certain clothing and fashion and I would go to college or even other places seeing people I never met with a almost on point fashion since. Then I just bought I new car where afterwards I would see everybody in town suddenly driving the exact same cars. I would go to a store or a shop in my neighborhood where suddenly these people who would coincidentally have the same cars and fashion since would mysteriously appear whenever I would pull up to buy a soda, or go shopping or even just pump my gas it would seem like these clones where now everywhere from my neighborhood to my school and even when I cease my social media activity it continues but now it has gone too far. You see I live on a considerably quite block in my neighborHood and lately I have lately seen this same reoccurring people driving/walking by housing every now and then sometimes even when I step outside my front door sometimes when I step outside my car. I think I may be locally famous in my neighborhood and I have considered moving. Should I just put my social media on private cause this is just crazy.

Obviously this child is insane and should be confined at least until Twitter goes bankrupt.

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He’s right, you know

Not to mention wonderfully terse about it. The question posed:

And the answer, in the very next minute:

And that would seem to be that.

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Learning to conform

I noted last week that it’s really quite all right to be different. Then again, I am sixty-four years old. It’s harder to reach that conclusion if you’re fifty years younger than that:

One form of bullying — one form I experienced a lot as a kid — is for people to find something about you that is DIFFERENT, and to harp on that difference. And it gets to the point where even if you liked being different in that way at the outset, you come to hate it, because the fact that you don’t fit in, that this other person sees you as weird, is being shoved in your face day in and day out. Few adults are strong enough to stand up to that, and even fewer kids.

(I will present as an exhibit: how in 7th grade I forced myself to listen to “top 40 radio” even though I hated it, because I felt like I needed to know what songs and artists were popular, and I knew that the kids thought I was weird because I listened to WCLV instead, and that I liked classical music. Yeah, I did something I hated in the name of seeming more “normal.” Spoiler alert: it didn’t work.)

I had my own issues in seventh grade, one of which was still being nine years old at the beginning of the first semester. I did not take it well. And being so far chronologically offset from the rest of the class, I didn’t quite fit in with the Scarifyingly Heterosexual school activities, which led some to murmur that I might be happier with the boys. Not them, of course. It is a measure of how bad off I was socially that I didn’t realize what they were saying until several years later.

Plato probably didn’t actually say “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle” but the statement is still a good and a true one. And it seems that as the world becomes harder and colder (or appears to have), more and more people are forgetting to be kind — or are deciding not to, in the interest of getting ahead/getting someone to notice them/throwing a punch before someone throws it at THEM … and, it just doesn’t HELP.

This latter paragraph is about fifty-five percent of Twitter, and about eighty-five percent of political Twitter.

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They were not amused

The Turkish government, these days, tends to be irascible:

A former Turkish beauty pageant winner may face up to a year in prison over a tweet referring to last year’s failed military coup that cost her “Miss Turkey” title, the private Doğan news agency said on Thursday.

An Istanbul prosecutor has indicted 18-year-old Itır Esen, who in September was stripped of her title after one day, for “publicly humiliating a segment of the society” following three official complaints over her tweet, Doğan reported.

What she said:

Troublesome tweet by Itır Esen

“I had my period on July 15 morning to celebrate the day to commemorate martyrs. As a representation of our martyrs’ blood, I am commemorating this day by bleeding.”

Sarcasm is wasted on some people.

The importance of the 15th of July:

Around 250 people, mostly unarmed civilians, were killed and over 1,000 wounded in the failed coup bid on July 15, 2016. The day was later declared Democracy and National Unity Day and a public holiday in Turkey.

Replacing Itır Esen: runner-up Aslı Sümen.

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I think this may be a bot

It’s just a hunch.

Twitter profile for Cindy Weaver

Perhaps atypically for a bot, she hasn’t said anything.


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Time I will never get back

Like, ever:

Tweeten profile screen at 100000 tweets

That’s a lot of damn tweets.

[shakes head, moves on to next activity]

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