Archive for Ventually

Jerksapoppin

There really needs to be a Sarcasm Font for online use. I’d probably overuse it, intemperate as I am sometimes, but once in a great while I run across someone I’d like to run across with a railroad car.

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Furtive glances

“Mommy! He’s looking at me!”

Did you think only four-year-olds say that? Think again.

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High fall risk

Fall Risk bracelet

Three years ago, I was given a bracelet that said that, and no choice of whether I wanted to wear it or not. The damnable thing seems to have taken hold of me, and not in a good way either.

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A twelfth of an hour

Five minutes can seem like an eternity, or it can go by just like that. Which makes me wonder how long five New York minutes would be.

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With great difficulty

For some reason, the psychiatrist thinks I ought to be dating more, and by “more” I presume she means “at all.” I’ve pointed out that this wasn’t happening, for reasons having little or nothing to do with my current physical infirmities, but she’s not buying. Yet.

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Cosmic jokes

He who created us, I have always felt, has had a slightly-warped sense of humor. The events in my life over the past month or so, I contend, pretty much prove it.

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Watery depths

Okay, it wasn’t exactly Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea, but four leagues (approximately) under a Severe Thunderstorm Warning is plenty scary.

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It’s my time to take

This may come as a shock to you, Bunkie, but the fact that I’m in front of you means that I was here first.

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An SOS to the world

Is anyone out there?

Maybe there is.

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Twenty-three

I started going grey at the age of 23, and that particular number seems to have a lot to say for itself.

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What kind of fools?

“Someone painted ‘April Fool’ in big black letters on a Dead End sign,” Kenny Rogers sang back in the day. Now if you’ve been paying attention, you already know that we have fools 365 days a year, more in Leap Year, and today merely gives them the recognition they crave.

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Don’t quit your day job

So you think you’d like to blog. Go ahead. Be my guest. Just don’t kid yourself that you’re ever going to make a living at it.

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The victim

She did nothing to deserve that status, of course, but there would always be someone to explain why it was her fault. No one, however, can explain why I would dream about it.

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Flirting

I have long suspected that everyone’s definition is just a little bit different — and I’m not entirely sure I have one at all. Perhaps it’s just as well.

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Old school

Most of one’s long-ago classmates are by now a large, amorphous blob. Certainly most of mine are. But there are always those who aren’t.

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Young blood

Regrets? I’ve had a few, and one of them, weirdly, is having never been a teenage girl, or having never had the opportunity to grow into one.

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All I have to do

“Only trouble is, gee whiz,” the Bryants (Boudleaux, anyway) wrote and the Everlys sang, “I’m dreaming my life away.” This is perhaps the downside of recovering from insomnia. I’d certainly prefer it to insomnia. But it has a catch or two.

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Flavor of the month

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Toil, interrupted

It was Monday night, I’d just finished the last Tuesday post, and suddenly, panic ensued.

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Not dating

I have reason to believe that I’m better at that than I am at actually dating, though not everyone accepts my interpretations and conclusions.

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Physical inventory

Remember when you filled out one side of a card, slapped a stamp on the other, and the mThe trouble with trying to do what the cool kids do rather rudely presents itself when you’re neither cool nor a kid. Believe me, I know.

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Bad automotive ideas

The worst automotive idea I can recall was the skirted front fenders of the bathtub Nash, both standard- and Rambler-sized, which made for a turning circle unworthy of a school bus.

But geez, there’s an awful lot of competition for second place.

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Your guess is as good as mine

It might even be better. I have little faith in my ability to prognosticate. Actually, I have little faith in anyone’s ability to prognosticate, but I can take responsibility only for my own misestimates.

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On the Answers beat

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Don’t ever get sick

To misappropriate a line from J. B. S. Haldane, it’s not only more expensive than we imagine, it’s more expensive than we can imagine.

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Windows Live Fail

I have twenty-one years’ worth of email in the archives here. And you would not believe what I had to go through to keep access to it.

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Girl for hire

That title probably suggests something very obvious to you.

And you would be correct.

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It was a very odd year

Frank Sinatra did it his way; I figure, I might as well do it mine.

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The invisible hand job

It is seemingly de rigueur these days to disparage the economics we learned from Adam Smith, but if you ask me, they’re just jerking us around.

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A morning’s worth of Facebook

All Facebook is divided into three parts: family matters, social interaction, and conspiracy theories. Today I got one of each.

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