Archive for Wastes of Oxygen

Imagine what this kid used to be like

The question he poses: Is there a way to see all of a user’s posts on Cafemom without having an account?

I just found out my mom actively talks about me a lot on there, and I HAVE to read it all. I don’t want to make a fake account, but her profile does not show any posts. Posts will come up in Google when I type in “Cafemom and her username” (I knew her username from years ago and it turns out she still uses it) but on her profile there are none, so I can’t easiky find a list of them all to read. Any help? Or is typing “Cafemom+her username” the only way to see any of her posts without creating an account? I’m a 22 year old male, the website even exclusively says only mothers are to make accounts, but I have to read what my mom says about me.

This shows a higher level of education than one might expect from a four-year-old throwing a tantrum, but the emotional-maturity level is the same.

What I suspect Mom is saying: “Thank you all so much for listening to me. He’s a worthless little prick, same as his dad, and I need a place where I don’t have him looking over my shoulder. There have been times I wanted to flood the basement, just to get him out of the house.”

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That thing will get you in trouble

A brief moment of flow has earned a Newcastle resident 23 years in the Big House:

A rapist who evaded capture for more than 30 years until he urinated in a neighbour’s plant pot — leading to a DNA match — has been jailed.

Eric McKenna, 59, raped two women in separate attacks in the North East in 1983 and 1988.

Police had not linked the assaults until they were called to the neighbour dispute in 2016 and took swabs from McKenna which matched the cold cases.

Once a prick, always a prick.

Oh, and this happened also:

The force apologised to the two women after admitting they did not receive the support they should have when they reported the attacks.

Which hardly seems unique.


Cheaty cheater wants to cheat

The question posed: “If I don’t pass my Florida permit test the 1st time, will the questions be totally different the 2nd time I take it?”

If that doesn’t give away his scheme, the next line will:

Or will they be in a different order? Thanks!

Guy’s evidently too young and untried to know better than to give away his bad ideas that quickly.

One answerer, careful to keep a straight face, pointed out that there are at least half a dozen versions of the Florida test.

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A dealer’s dream

The customer who doesn’t learn anything until after the contract is signed:

I bought a 2015 suv from a major car dealership in my area (ma). And found out after all their talking they didn’t take anything off the overpriced car! They listed it way over the Kelley blue book value for fair market range. The top price was 20k for fair market and the dealer sold it 25k! Is this legal? I bought it Thursday can I return it?

Well, you could always contact the Federal Department of Mandatory Discounts, except for the tiny matter that it doesn’t actually exist.

Somebody else took it upon himself to set the original poster straight, or at least less bent:

Yes…EVERYTHING WAS DONE LEGALLY. You could have tried and negotiated a lower price(they can refuse to sell it for that price too, which also is legal) … but you didn’t.

Yes, you can return it. Be fully aware that they are buying back the vehicle from you and are only going to offer you 18,000. Take the hit, or keep the car. Your choice. THAT IS ALSO LEGAL.

KBB is a suggested value (if you are a sharp negotiator). Car Lots have “professional” negotiators … so way past “sharp”. This is their living, what they do everyday, multiple times per day. You buy a car like ONCE every few years? You lose the edge for negotiating.

They can ask a sky high price for it and hope they get a “biter”. You bit the hook, and they reeled you in.(much like fishing)

You bringing the car back … they don’t have to buy it from you … for the same price. They want to be paid for their work of pushing a pen and paper around … so you lose. (They NEVER LOSE.)

All their talking (talk is cheap) managed to make you lose focus on the actual deal and you signed for it; buying at the advertised price. THAT is your fault.

Having the KBB knowledge did not HELP YOU one bit. Hope that when you resell the vehicle, that THAT buyer does not use KBB guidelines and Out negotiates you. (as you will be asking more than the vehicle is worth — because you are making room for negotiations.) If they see they get the price lower, they are more apt to buy and be happy … while you still get more than the actual KBB value for it so you are also happy.

That is why stuff is overpriced in the first place.

Seemingly random capitalization as in the original.

From what I’ve seen, the nation is chockablock with people who believe that results from Kelley — or the EPA-derived numbers at — are somehow legally binding. In that case, I invoke the shade of W. C. Fields: “It’s morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.”

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More orphan than not?

Some jerkwads still seem to idolize the Menendez brothers:

A 22-year-old man has been tricked by police into thinking that a hitman he hired had killed his family so that he could inherit their wealth.

Detectives discovered a plot to kill his mother, father and 10-year-old sister in Sochi, Russia.

He detailed how and where his family should be murdered, drawing up a floor plan that showed where the cameras were placed and how to avoid guard dogs.

But the hitman he was giving all the details to and agreed a fee with was actually an undercover police officer.

His parents were said to be devastated by their son’s plan but took part in a police mock-up using fake blood with blood coming out of “fatal” knife wounds.

And apparently the guy was already thinking Big Spender thoughts:

After seeing the pictures, the man expressed “delight” and agreed to pay the promised £38,000 fee to the man he believed was a contract killer as soon as he had collected his inheritance.

Instead the son — who has not been named — was immediately detained by armed police as a police video shows.

The ungrateful child faces a 15-year time-out.

If you’ve forgotten Lyle and Erik Menendez, well, I don’t blame you.

(Via Fark.)

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Not just you, senpai

“God damn it,” thought the sociopath, “why is no one paying attention to me?”

Yes, yes, lots of kids don’t get the attention they need. Guess what? Neither do a lot of adults. And yes, some of them act out in bad ways. But a lot of us have learned the control and also are reactive enough to peer-disapproval to not act out in bad ways. (Confession: I crave attention a lot and don’t get it often, but I mostly restrict that by doing a lot of tweeting and then hoping someone responds to me. I’m too inhibited to do truly outre things like dying my hair wild colors, or saying really provocative things, or other kinds of minor social transgressions that might get attention, but that might bring negative attention.) So I feel irritated when I’m sitting here, sometimes feeling invisible, and someone else, who is apparently feeling invisible, decides to screw up an entire school day and possibly scare fellow students and even teachers … it seems v. selfish to me, and I admit — as I said on Twitter — the somewhat-unChristian part of me says “I hope that kid gets plenty of attention going through the juvenile court system” but yeah — actions have consequences.

Attention whores gotta whore.

Which leads us here:

As Professor Jennifer Johnston and Andrew Joy of Western New Mexico University found in a paper presented to the American Psychological Association’s annual convention in 2016, “media contagion” can help make mass shootings more common. “Unfortunately,” said Johnston, “we find that a cross-cutting trait among many profiles of mass shooters is desire for fame.” The rise of such a trait in mass shooters, she claimed, rose “in correspondence to the emergence of widespread 24-hours news coverage on cable news programs, and the rise of the internet during the same period.” Johnston recommended a media pact to “no longer share, reproduce, or retweet the names, faces, detailed histories or long-winded statements of killers, we could see a dramatic reduction in mass shootings in one to two years.”

Never happen with US media, which are already irrevocably committed to promoting a specific agenda; should their political bosses decide that it suits their purposes to spread the perp’s name far and wide, you’ll see wire stories, rewrites of wire stories, and tweets of wire stories, all doing exactly that, in a matter of minutes. (Remember: “it’s okay when we do it.”)

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Does porn make you stupid?

And if not, how do you explain this dumbass?

I watch porn every now and then. It’s not very often but sometimes I just have the urge. Anyway, about a week ago, I was searching and I came across this channel of a couple. I’ve came across videos of couples before but this couple was really funny. Apparently throughout most of their videos, they constantly make jokes. I liked it so much because it is exactly how and friend and I are in bed together. I don’t know much about them. It was a male and female, both white, they were both really funny, and most of their videos were shot with a headset camera. I don’t remember anything about their channel name. If anyone has any idea who this is, let me know.

Fortunately, there is very little porn on the Internet, so this should be really easy to find.

Seven-year-olds can learn how to set browser bookmarks. Why can’t he?

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Maroon 2

The next time you start worrying about how the Chinese are leaving us all behind, just remember that they aren’t all brilliant:

(Via @Smatt.)

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But it is what you said

Another YouTube loser on Y!A asks, ever so futilely: How to download the videos from a suspended channel?

Why was it suspended, you ask?

My channel got suspended completely unfairly.

Yeah, that’s what they all say.

I posted 3 videos. The first one was “top 5 most racist countries in Europe.” It was just a list of 5 countries. The second one was “most hated countries in Europe. Again i list. The third one was “British people are delusional.” I just provided clips and some statistics for reference.

The 3 videos were well sources, i did not use any swear words or even lies. The comments were full of British people threatening me and calling me to remove the videos.

How dare they threaten me! I have well sources!

About a month after the last video, i got an email from Google saying my channel was suspended for “racial abuse.” It became clear to me that these British nationalists have mass flagged my videos.

How do i get my videos back? I tried appealing, but i don’t know if i did it wrong or what, Google said my appeal was rejected. How can it be rejected? I am not violating any rules, and there are literally channels dedicated to talking trash and abusing certain groups of people, my 3 videos were neither abuse nor “racist.”

Google thinks you were violating the rules. And they own the place.

This happened about year and a half ago.

Old news, Bunkie. Old news.

And what kind of moron doesn’t retain the original copies of his own videos? I suspect we are being bullshot by this self-professed innocent.

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Sociopath says what?

A year and a half of diminished mobility has not made me happier, exactly, but I think I’m grateful I didn’t turn into this loser:

So people think that I am an idiot and that I can get some jail time now because I got verbally violent and threatning towards an at&t technician. I had severe issues with my internet where I cannot access certain websites and because everytime I am on an skype call it breaks up and I can’t hear my friend patty talking. The technician guy came and blamed everything on saying that I have too many things plugged and connected to my router and said that the lines and modem is all fine and that the problem is from us. I have an airport extreme router and that thing works fine because it is made by apple who makes good products. He says I have over 20 devices connected and said it is slowing down the bandwith and says the signal drops because the modem and router is in my room on the other side of the house and he wants to move it downstairs. I said no but he got my family on his side and they were forcing me to bring it down. I got mad and yelled at the technician and threatened to take a hammer and hit him. He then told my family that he can’t do it now because I don’t agree with it so I got what I wanted. He says he wants to press charges. After he left I called spectrum and setted up an installation date to get rid of at&t. My family is mad that I did it without their permission. My friend andy says that I am an idiot and says that the at&t guy is right and that I am such a selfish brat. He says its their house and your taking control over it. He says they should kick you out.

Update: He says the at&t guy knows what he is doing because he said he has been doing it for 15 years while you are a college drop out and know nothing. I took computer science classes back when I was in college so I know what I am talking about and the at&t guy is wrong. It is at&t’s fault and I am switching to spectrum regardless of what they say. Spectrum is better anyways. Andy says I am gonna get jail time. I have papers proving my mental illness so I am safe.

Update 2: How come people think that I can get in trouble for being violent to the technician when I have papers proving my mental illness ?? How come people don’t believe what I say when I took computer science and computer networking classes back in college ? Why do people think that I know nothing because I am a college drop out when I took these classes ? I know what I am saying and the problem is the at&t’s modem and poor crappy network service.

Worthless little corksoaker, wouldn’t you think? And he thinks he’s immune to any form of punishment because he has “mental illness.” That’s reason enough to lock up his unworthy ass for the rest of his unnatural life.

Oh, and Andy? You deserve better friends than this.

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Turd-degree felony

Christ, what an asshole:

To save you the ignominy of Googling “how long can you go without pooping?” we did it for you. The question is sure to come to mind after reading about a bizarre case out of the UK, where Essex Police are on #poowatch and tweeting about it. This after a suspected drug dealer believed to have drugs hidden in his body has now for 21 days refused to poop. The BBC reports the 24-year-old was arrested Jan. 17 and has been under supervision since then, with the department’s Operation Raptor team that arrested him providing updates like this one, tweeted Wednesday: “Day 21/3 weeks for our man on #poowatch still no movements/items to report, he will remain with us until Friday when we are back at court where we will be requesting a further 8 days should he not produce anything before that hearing.”

Far as I know, Guinness doesn’t have a World Record for this sort of thing. (I know, I know: don’t encourage them.)

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Inept Criminals Dept.

This might be more fun than it ought to be:

On second thought, this is exactly as much fun as it ought to be.

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Also a lack of maturity

The quality of excuses is not improving:

A 38-year-old Chicago man accused of molesting three pre-teen girls told police he is a boy trapped in a man’s body, according to court documents.

Joseph Roman was charged with a long list of sexual molestation charges after three girls between the ages of six and eight came forward alleging they were assaulted during a three-year period.

During a January 24 hearing, Roman reportedly admitted to some of the charges and told the court he felt he was “a nine-year-old trapped in an adult’s body,” according to the Chicago Tribune.

My inner child, a nine-year-old girl who thinks herself worldly-wise, is rolling her eyes even as we speak. “I know just the place where he needs to be trapped,” she snickered, because that’s what she does. For once, we’re in agreement.

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The right to be an asshat

It’s evidently more limited than some people think:

Three months ago PB & Jeff got to what they thought was the end of their Pikmin 2 playthrough because they had gotten enough money to pay off the debt. They posted a comment on the video saying that they knew that that wasn’t the true ending of the game but that because they were getting sick of playing it and it wasn’t getting as many views as the other games that they played that they weren’t going to play anymore. That video got a lot of comments telling them to continue playing it. As the days went by less and less people told them to continue playing it. Myself, however, has been posting “Finish Pikmin 2!” on every video they upload since they quit playing. I up the amount of comments I leave every video. The first video I posted it once, the second video twice, the third three times, etc. By this week I had gotten to the point of posting it around 90 times each video. Even though people were telling me to stop and Jeff himself told me that they were completely done with Pikmin 2 I kept at it because I refused to let them not truly finish the story. Earlier this week my account got shut down so I automatically created another one to continue spamming. That got shut down so I created another. Same story. Again and again I kept creating accounts to spam their comments. Now whenever I create an account it is instantly shut down within a minute. Why?

There is reason to doubt that this person exists; there is no reason to doubt that the world would be a better place if he didn’t.

That said:

Look, jagoff, you’re messing with YouTube. That means you’re messing with Google. And Google has all kinds of ways to make you wish you were dead. (We do not know for certain if they can actually kill you, but do you want to take that chance?)

And be grateful it’s not 150 years ago. Either PB or Jeff could perforate your unworthy carcass with lead, and the law would gravely assent: “You were right, he needed killing.”

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Inverse catering

And now, the continuing adventures of Florida Man in “I’ll take that to go”:

A Florida man with a feast stuffed in his pants was arrested trying to sneak out of a grocery store, police said.

Maeli Alvarez-Aguilar, 26, was taken into custody on a petty merchant theft charge after walking out of the Rines Market IGA store in Indiantown on Dec. 15, the Martin County Sheriff’s Office told Fox News on Tuesday.

An arrest affidavit viewed by said Alvarez-Aguilar “removed a full rack of ribs from his waistband.”

A further search uncovered nine pieces of fried chicken, two packs of hamburger buns and some mashed potatoes, and police said Aguilar-Alvarez — who smelled of booze and was intoxicated — swiped the items from the store.

Probably a good thing he was in Florida. A Californian swiping the same items would also be charged with not taking any vegetables.

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As asshats go, he’s a sombrero

“Henry1989” had a little problem:

Help. I am the victim of the post…

I have repeated many many many many times that the post GOES AGAINST the Facebook Community Standards and reported to the Facebook Team over HUNDRED times but the Facebook Team commented that the post did not violate any Community Standards.

I am very frustrated, annoyed and unhappy with the post as many Facebook users have expressed extremely abusive and offensive languages against me.

Can the Yahoo users make an abuse report to the Facebook Team after reading this post.

I order that at least 100,000 Yahoo users report the abuse to the Facebook Team within 24 hours from now on and 1 million reports are made within 3 days. (I suggest each Yahoo user repeats the report at ten times)

“I order“? Who died and made you King of Anything?

A user named Dave gave this reasoned response:

reported for spam.

If they say it doesn’t violate the community standards, then it doesn’t. If you don’t like it, remove yourself from the group.

Which is a proper report, since “Henry” has posted variations on this whine several times before.

And “Henry” promptly went psycho:

F U C K YOUR MOTHER Dave. Many users express extremely abusive and offensive languages against me. Why do you still say it doesn’t violate community standards?

You must STOP making inaccurate answers and you must make an apology for saying anything inaccurate and irrelevant to me immediately.

Dave, you MUST make an apology for saying anything irrelevant and inaccurate answers to me. If I RECEIVE no apology from you within 24 hours, I will take legal actions against you to your local law court and even report to your local police.

Yahoo, in a rare display of prescience, deleted “Henry’s” screed. I’m not persuaded he should get off quite so easily, so here’s a screenshot of the alleged offensive Facebook post:

Screenshot which makes Henry1989 wet his panties

He’s lucky I didn’t put it on Reddit.

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The fluffy side of paranoia

And so he asks:

Yahoo Answers screenshot: My social media is getting too popular should I switch it too private?

Well, he should, but not for the reason he thinks:

My Instagram pics have gained top post. I feel people are imitating me, taking ideas from me, and even stalking me. You see whenever I would tweet things of my interest on Twitter strange things would happen. I would go in public where I would hear conversations where it would sound like somebody referencing something I just tweeted not to long ago or the other day. Ok I would set trends on my Instagram wearing certain clothing and fashion and I would go to college or even other places seeing people I never met with a almost on point fashion since. Then I just bought I new car where afterwards I would see everybody in town suddenly driving the exact same cars. I would go to a store or a shop in my neighborhood where suddenly these people who would coincidentally have the same cars and fashion since would mysteriously appear whenever I would pull up to buy a soda, or go shopping or even just pump my gas it would seem like these clones where now everywhere from my neighborhood to my school and even when I cease my social media activity it continues but now it has gone too far. You see I live on a considerably quite block in my neighborHood and lately I have lately seen this same reoccurring people driving/walking by housing every now and then sometimes even when I step outside my front door sometimes when I step outside my car. I think I may be locally famous in my neighborhood and I have considered moving. Should I just put my social media on private cause this is just crazy.

Obviously this child is insane and should be confined at least until Twitter goes bankrupt.

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Not the girl of your dreams

That cute little Filipino girl is actually a fairly sophisticated bot:

Dutch researchers say 1,000 men from around the world made contact with a 10-year-old “girl” in the Philippines during a 10-week investigation, many of whom wanted to pay her to take of her clothes in front of a webcam.

That was four years ago. “Sweetie” is now, um, twelve, and evidently she’s still a draw.

The “Sweetie” project first made headlines in 2013. It can now handle thousands of simultaneous conversations and send perpetrators warning messages.

The BBC says that at least 100 men from the UK have attempted to put the move on the fictional young lady.

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More than somewhat single-minded

You just know that when he was four, this little cretin would ask “Are we there yet?” every forty-five seconds:

Yahoo Answers screenshot: Lexmoto Hunter 50cc Top Speed?

I suspect that whatever the top speed of that scooter, it’s too fast for him.

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Crazed criteria

Syntax nothwithstanding, you’d think this was a straightforward question:

Yahoo Answers screenshot: What is makes a battery good?

But no, this guy has an agenda the size of a farking wall:

I mean Laptop battery, one cost $18.00 in wallmart and the other one $119.00 plus taxes schipping and procesing, hundred dollars of difference what the F…

I really do need a battery the one that i have i paid 25 bucks in some dirty, dreadfull and flirty website place with no “trust” green sight and last two month only 2 years ago and now, i saw an 18 bucks battery in wallmart, what the hell…wait a minutes, everything in walmart are made in Mexico, mostly china or another country with dictatorial regimen support for Trump and his henchmen. That telling that something might be wrong with this particular battery, something smell like “chorizo” no good.

That is what my question about batteries is that for, thanks for bright me with your patient and intelligency, thanks a lot cuz google works schit on this peculiar issue.

I’d ask him for a source that details the Mexican government’s support for Donald Trump, but I’d have better luck asking the neighborhood ferret quantum-mechanics questions.

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Look what she made him do

That’s what he told the police, anyway:

The man accused of trying to stab someone with scissors in Downtown Portland [Oregon] on Sunday told officers that Taylor Swift “told me to kill him,” a court document states.

Officers were called out just before 11 a.m. on reports of a stabbing at NW 3rd Avenue and Burnside Street.

Witnesses told police that Brent Shannon Thicksten, 43, was acting menacingly toward people in the area. The victim said he feared for his safety and started running away, which is when Thicksten allegedly chased him.

The victim ended up with a cut to his lower back; police say he did not need to go to the hospital for treatment.

A probable cause affidavit states that Thicksten told officers his wife, Taylor Swift, “told me to kill him.”

A long list of ex-lovers will testify that TSwift is insane, but it must be stipulated that she’s never married anyone who tried to stab somebody with a pair of scissors, or who stole a pair of forklifts.

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What a moran

I mean, literally so:

Obviously, these are better drugs than we used to get at the Rexall downtown.

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In leaving color

Today’s New York Post front page:

“It’s the placement of the peacock that makes this cover,” said Dan “Baseball Crank” McLaughlin.

In 2013, Miley Cyrus was on the Today Show with Lauer. The clip NBC made available to places like YouTube was missing a 20-second sequence in which The Artist Formerly Known As Hannah Montana slips off a sneaker and glides her bare foot up Lauer’s leg, well past the bottom of his jacket. The look on his face — well, think Dr Lecter contemplating something to go with fava beans, though you can glimpse it during this heavily edited HuffPost video:

Cyrus, at least, seemed to be having fun.

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Future jailbird

Only now is this greaseball contemplating the consequences:

Yahoo Answers screenshot: Driving no insurance?

I mean, look at this:

Ive been driving for the past 3 months with no insurance on my car and no registration. Reason being is because I have tickets racked up that I could not afford to pay off in order to re-register. If i were to re-register my vehicle now, would I get in trouble for driving with no insurance these past months, or would they not know?

Just wait until he finds out that in most states, he can’t register until his insurance is paid up — and the premium is going to be sky-high because of those tickets, which he didn’t actually say he paid off, and it wouldn’t matter that much if he had.

But wait! There’s more:

My car insurance expired in August. I never renewed my insurance or re-registered my plate. I have over a grand of tickets i am unable to afford from the past year. if my friend were to register the vehicle under his insurance even though the car is in my name, would pulling up the VIN get me in trouble for not having insurance on the car for the past 3 months? Or would it be safe to do this and have the car registered?

Yep. He’s going to jail. Good effing riddance.

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Now this is “ableist”

Actually, I suspect it’s laziness more than anything else:

Yahoo Answers screenshot: What is the point of handicap parking spaces?

I mean, get a whiff of this:

I see way, way too many people I catch that have a plaque card and they are not handicap. Probably for the person that is handicap but doesn’t matter. Man[y] times I don’t see it hanging in their mirror nor has a handicap license plate.

Besides, why do we really need handicap parking spaces? If you are going to the store and need to get up closer because of your condition you realize you are going to have to walk or roll or use a can or walker or what have you anyways all over the place? So maybe you should stop being so selfish and let the people that want to park up close first come first serve?

Normally I don’t mock other people’s misfortunes, but should this flaming shitheel get run over by a bus, it’s Party Time.

Disclosure: I do use a walker, and I don’t have a “plaque card” hanging from the mirror.

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The coming normalization

Eventually, sexual harassment will complete its inevitable transit from Cardinal Sin to Maybe Bad Form to the least significant, um, peccadillo. The reason for this? Political expediency, of course, with a D in parentheses:

[T]he only way to stay viable as a political party, according to the rules they themselves created and have so vigorously enforced lo these many years, is to somehow make this stuff “ok.” Always believe the woman, right? No means no, right? “Affirmative consent,” for pete’s sake? One way or another, that stuff is going right out the window with the audition tapes from the Weinstein Company.

My (trite, obvious) guess is that the Left will craft themselves a victim narrative. Here in the next few months, we’ll hear calls for a “national conversation” on the pitfalls of power.

“National conversation,” you may have noticed, translates to “lecture with mandatory attendance.”

Nobody’s saying Al Franken should’ve done that — of course he shouldn’t! — but the poor dear, stressed out from his heroic defense of the Constitution, fell victim to the most insidious disease of all, the disease of being a member of the ruling body of the most powerful nation on Earth. Who wouldn’t grab a sleeping woman’s hooters under those conditions? He needs therapy. Fortunately, our friends in academia have come up with a kind of therapy he can do in his off hours, or even on his own, in his Senate office. Stepping down would, in fact, be counterproductive, as he needs to learn to channel those urges — normal, red-blooded heterosexual urges, there’s nothing wrong with those! — into more “appropriate” behaviors, and the only way he’s going to learn how to do that effectively in the corridors of power is to remain in the corridors of power.

In 2032, I fully expect General Motors to resurrect Oldsmobile (d. 2004) just long enough to produce a Ted Kennedy Centenary Edition.

[insert “airbag” joke here]

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Quote of the week

Nary a statesman in the bunch, says Mike Hendrix:

When was the last time you heard any of these contemptible cretins referred to as a “statesman”? The very idea of comparing any of the villainous poltroons currently in Congress to, say, James Madison, James Monroe, or, for that matter, Peter Muhlenberg of the first Federal Congress is risible on its face. The kind of people drawn these days to “serve” in Congress couldn’t be trusted to walk your damned dog. You certainly wouldn’t dream of hiring them to babysit your daughter, even for five minutes.

The profligate treachery and self-serving arrogance of John McCain; the addled witlessness of Maxine Waters; the complete mendacity and dishonesty of Nancy Pelosi; the smug double-dealing of Harry Reid; the slimy disingenuousness of Mitch “Yertle” McTurtle — these aren’t exactly ringing endorsements of the caliber of people in charge of government in the modern era. Some of them — most, probably — might be vain and presumptuous enough to think they’d fare well in a comparison to the true statesmen of an earlier age. But that only adds “delusional” to the litany of their inadequacy.

The character traits of those attracted to national elective office effectively guarantee that they’ll be the very type of person we wouldn’t want there. An overblown sense of self-importance; a desire to lord it over others, and an unswerving belief in their competence to do so; a monstrously and unjustly inflated ego; a mania for attention and affirmation; a near-sociopathic lack of interest in the needs or desires of other people; dishonesty and shamelessness; short-sightedness and disinterest in long-term consequences; basic fiscal greed — these pathologies, crippling disqualifications in just about any other field, are now requirements for success as an American career politician.

Nor are these traits reserved solely to persons named on ballots; the last few administrations have had an unerring knack for finding underlings at commensurate levels of fatuity. Deluged by smears and countersmears, those of us who have better things to do than play Fantasy Despots all week have a tendency to lose interest — which, of course, makes life easier for those who would rule us.

Comments off

But this is important

There’s always one asshat like this:

Yahoo Answers screenshot: How do i comment when comments are disabled on Youtube?


Is there any kind of software to bypass this?

This guy needs to die in a fire, and if someone can make it happen, I’ll donate two gallons of gasoline. Regular, of course.

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Unsmooth criminal

If you’re intent on robbery, consider the possibility that those being robbed might actually recognize you:

Dressed in black clothes and wearing a black ski mask, the man entered the Baton Rouge, Louisiana KFC. He pointed a gun at the employees and demanded money.

Employees emptied the cash registers and gave the man the $612 inside. But two employees noticed something familiar about the robber’s voice and facial features “visible through the holes” in his ski mask.

“Cleveland, is that you?” one of the employees asked, according to East Baton Rouge Parish Sheriff’s police records of the Oct. 3 incident.

“No, it’s not me,” Cleveland Willis, 28, the suspected robber replied, according to police records.

What you talking about, Willis?

Willis worked for the KFC for “several months” with the same coworkers he’s suspected of robbing. He was also seen seen driving away from the crime scene in a silver Nissan Altima, the same car he used to go to work in, according to police records.

“Sheer criminal genius!” says Peter Grant.

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Quote of the weak

I mean, you’d have to look to find a weaker argument than this:

Yahoo Answers screenshot: I’m being defriended on Facebook over a post, can I sue for First Amendment violation?

It gets sillier:

I hate to say it but…

The Nazis were such handsome and strong looking men who deserved to win the war with their dreamy faces and bodies. I am being defriended on Facebook for saying this and that violates my free speech.

Show me where in the Constitution it says that Facebook friends can’t drop you.

After some unsympathetic answers, she tacked this on:

Well people are calling me a brainwashed little girl and saying stuff like “Kill yourself Nazi” so yes I think this counts as harassment

I need hardly point out that you are not required to kill yourself on request.

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