Archive for Wastes of Oxygen

This would never have happened to Hera

She’d have planted a sandal right in this guy’s face:

The attorney for a 29-year-old homeless California man has stated that his client thought he was the Greek god Zeus when he sneaked into a woman’s home and sucked on her toes as she slept.

The defense lawyer said, according to court documents, that Richard Parkhurst “developed a delusion that he was a Zeus-like god who was sent down from the stars to seduce women.”

“It was his destiny to seduce women and they would willingly have his children. Mr. Parkhurst believes that his progeny will create a super race that will save the planet,” the attorney added.

Entirely too many wackos claim to have planet-saving on the brain. And this chap’s brain has seen better days:

The attorney said that Parkhurst’s life was turned upside-down when a girlfriend died and he stopped taking medicine for schizophrenia, resulting in the delusions described. At one point, he was hospitalized. He said that his client thought voices coming from his television were “telling him to do things.”

The “things” apparently included flashing a woman who was walking her dog on Oct. 15, 2017. He claimed he was walking his dog, too. Later that day, Parkhurst broke into a woman’s home and sucked on her toes. She said she woke up when she noticed what was happening.

Dick Morris was not available for comment.

(Via Lindsay Beyerstein.)

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More dumb Klux

This guy wields a mighty lynch pen:

The editor and publisher of a local paper in Alabama is under fire for penning an editorial calling for mass lynchings by the Ku Klux Klan (KKK).

The opinion piece ran in his print-only newspaper, the Democrat-Reporter, last Thursday, Goodloe Sutton confirmed on Tuesday.

He said Democrats were going to raise taxes and that the KKK should hang them and raid Washington DC.

Alabama lawmakers have called for Sutton to resign.

Since Sutton owns the paper, resigning would be a bit more problematic than it would be for politicians who make similarly dumb statements.

And it’s not like he’s always been the villain:

The newspaper won national acclaim in the 1990s for its investigation of [Marengo] county sheriff Roger Davis for political corruption, despite his widespread popularity and death threats to editor Goodloe Sutton and his family. Davis and two deputies from the office were sentenced for misuse of public funds and other crimes, including intimidation tactics used against the Suttons.

Still, calling for the Klan to save the day is an amazingly tone-deaf and, yes, dumb idea, even if the Democrats are going to raise taxes, which they most certainly are.

Maybe this is just a reflection of growing up in Linden, Alabama, which before 1818 was known as Screamersville.

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Up where you belong

Politicians are horrible, says Roberta X, but there’s a reason for their existence:

I can think of no group of persons who would more deserve to be saddled with the dull, boring, messy and imperfect process of running government. I don’t much trust them to do it well, or to stay inside the limits they are supposed to observe — but better them than some finer group of men and women, who would be taken away from doing useful and productive work in other fields of endeavor.

Think of a Congressbeing of whom you disapprove — would you want that person driving an 18-wheeler on the same highways you take? Designing a skyscraper or passenger aircraft? Doing brain surgery?

Hey, Alexandria Whatzername-Hyphenate was a pretty decent barista, or so I’ve heard.

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Moist trollette

She’s got to be trolling, right? I mean, how else can you explain this level of dumb?

Then again, if she feels like a “lesser being,” it’s almost certainly deserved.

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Adjusted for inflation?

Bernie is Not Pleased:

U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders sent a letter to Catalyst Pharmaceuticals on Monday asking it to justify its decision to charge $375,000 annually for a medication that for years has been available to patients for free.

The drug, Firdapse, is used to treat Lambert-Eaton Myasthenic Syndrome (LEMS), a rare neuromuscular disorder, according to the letter, made available to Reuters by the senator’s office. The disorder affects about one in 100,000 people in the United States.

The government is intensifying its scrutiny of the pharmaceutical industry and rising prescription drug prices, a top voter concern and a priority of President Donald Trump’s administration.

That word “free” actually means something in this case:

In the 1990s, doctors in the US, on behalf of Muscular Dystrophy Association, approached a small family-owned manufacturer of active pharmaceutical ingredients in New Jersey, Jacobus Pharmaceuticals, about manufacturing amifampridine [the generic name] so they could test it in clinical trials. Jacobus did so, and when the treatment turned out to be effective, Jacobus and the doctors were faced with a choice — invest in clinical trials to get FDA approval or give the drug away for free under a compassionate use program. Jacobus elected to give the drug away, and did so for about twenty years.

But that compassion stuff buys no yachts:

Catalyst anticipated that it could earn $300 to $900 million per year in sales for treatment of people with LEMS and other indications, and analysts anticipated the drug would be priced at around $100,000 in the US.

Fooled you, analysts.

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Gimme, gimme

As a rule, anyone who demands a service that’s “totally free” is at best a deadbeat, and you don’t want to know what they are at worst, though this one out of the Quora queue is not hard to quantify:

Where can I get a totally free, no sign up no credit card psychic reading which is accurate?

Through “reading,” it’s just your average worthless layabout. But once you get to “which is accurate,” you have to add “stupid” into the mix.

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Both sneaky and stupid

What kind of nitwit comes up with this sort of thing?

Why don’t people intentionally crash their cars right before the car insurances expire and take the insurance money to buy new cars?

Dimwit probably thinks this is a foolproof plan.

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With a street value in the zillions

I mean, yeah, this is worse than stealing jewels:

Shelbyville [Tennessee] Police are investigating the most expensive shoplifting case in recent memory with more than $11,000 worth of ink cartridges stolen.

Police say a man and woman stole $11,427 worth of ink cartridges from the Walmart in Shelbyville on Sunday.

How many cartridges were swiped? Not so many:

Police say they placed 332 ink cartridges in a stolen tote bag in their shopping cart and rolled right through the garden center emergency exit without the alarm going off.

So: $34.42 per cartridge. No wonder these suckers are being stolen.

(Via Fark.)

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Despite all his rage

He is still just a troll in the Quora queue: What can I do if a driver throws a bottle at my car after I flashed my headlights at him for 45 minutes and repeatedly asked him to pull over so that we can discuss his driving?

This is a really good way to get shot. I’m acting on the assumption that there are better ways, but this way is still really good.

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karma.exe

It’s very hard not to laugh at this character:

Hi,i have problem with my pc,i cannot go in normal windows,only safe mode.I have pirated windows btw.Can someone help me restore my system and start windows normaly?

On the upside, at least he admitted it up front, which is pretty rare these days except among braggarts.

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Still worthless after all these years

Twelve more calls from the same corksoaking iceholes as before.

Second choice: you get billed $1 for every time you call my number. $5 if I actually answer.

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But in neither case funny

Lucky me, I got to fish both of these out of the Quora queue:

My autistic son was misbehaving. I punished my son by sending him to school dressed as a clown. My son is very upset. Did I do the right thing?

and

My autistic daughter misbehaved and I flushed her Barbie doll down the toilet as punishment. She’s very upset about this. Did I do the right thing?

Odds are, the same person wrote both of these, a few days apart, in which case we’re dealing with a sociopathic troll who should be dropped into an active volcano. If actual parents did this — well, the volcano won’t judge them.

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Worthless sons of bitches

Or possibly worthless bitches. The idea that I would care one way or another is risible.

The story begins at 6 pm, and not quite an hour later I had this to say:

As of now, the count is seventeen.

The following are the “obviously spoofed numbers”: 405-703-9427 and 405-814-2008. Both labeled “Out Of Area,” of course. I don’t really care what they were trying to sell. But of the ten Plagues of Egypt, I wish upon them two through eight, inclusive.

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But then drug syringes are not migratory

Only you, Florida Man:

A Florida man denied syringes were his after jail officials found them in his rectum during a strip search.

Wesley Scott, 40, was arrested on Friday on an outstanding warrant charging him with drug possession.

According to WPLG, when Scott was searched at the jail, officers found three syringes inside his rectum.

Scott claimed he found the syringes and they were not his, although he did not explain how they ended up in his buttocks.

Storing them for safekeeping, was he?

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When you need better friends

This is a warning signal at the very least: So my friend and i bet 420$ if i could hack the wifi at work so i need ur helo?

I know the basics but he’s the only person who can give access to the internet even if u have the wifi password he can monitor, control, limit speed etc… so how can i hack it my phone is not rooted but i got one rooted and i have a laptop but kali linux is not installed on it

so plz help me i need that 420$ lol!

I think it’s safe to assume that the amount here is very important to these two losers.

And I’m thinking this “friend” showed off some indifferent sleight-of-hand, knowing full well that it would impress the little twerp; his “hacking” credentials are likely dubious at best.

The tragedy here, of course, is that they both can’t lose this bet.

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Definitely not Avon calling

“Honey, what’s this on the security camera?” [warning: autostart video]

Police are trying to track down a man who spent three hours licking a doorbell at a California home.

“I thought I’d seen it all, but this takes the cake,” neighbor Francisco Javier Estrada told KION.

Surveillance cameras caught Roberto Daniel Arroyo in the act.

The Dungans said they were not home at the time, but their children were inside the house sleeping.

And Arroyo wasn’t done yet:

The security cameras also caught Arroyo moving an extension cord to the front yard and relieving himself.

Of course, this happened in Cailfornia, so the Dungans will probably be fined for having an excessively tasty doorbell.

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Idiot apparently already off the road

But he begs for leniency: How to get an SR22A or SR22?

My license has been suspended and it needs to be reinstated! My license was suspended for reckless driving and a second offense super speeder. So now the DMV is asking me to get an SR 22 so how exactly do I get an SR 22 because I am busting my *** off to get an SR 22 but it literally seems to be impossible I am going through every insurance company but I either don’t get approved or I need to have a vehicle.

The trick here is in the last phrase. Apparently he has no vehicle, which must mean that whatever car he had to commit these offenses (1) wasn’t his to begin with — look around for the angry relative — or (2) he wrapped it around a tree.

And anyway, for the price he’d have to pay for this sort of underwriting, he could buy a damned nice bicycle.

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Take this idiot off the road

The question: Can you buy worthless auto insurance?

First thought: He’s been burned before, and he wants to know whom to avoid.

But no, he has something else entirely different in mind:

im 24 new driver less than a year experience with a car had my motorcycle endorsement for 2 years. Im geting car quotes of around 200 a month liability. could i find some fake insurance that has no value just to register it or is auto insurance have to be legit. ive heard most of the time places like progressive wont pay out anyway an figure it isnt worth paying them to

Stoner on a tight budget, I’m figuring. And every dollar that goes to meeting legal requirements is a dollar that won’t be available for weed.

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A woman scorned

And apparently there’s a very good reason for this:

A woman accused of bombarding a man with 65,000 text messages after a single date is now believed to have sent more than twice that amount.

According to court documents obtained by the Arizona Republic, then 31-year-old Jaqueline Ades, of Phoenix, sent the victim more than 159,000 texts — many of them threatening — over a 10-month period starting in July 2017.

“I’d wear ur fascia n the top of ur skull n ur hands n feet,” one of the alleged texts read.

Another read, “I’d make sushi outta ur kidneys n chopsticks outta ur hand bones,” according to police.

That’s more than 500 texts a day.

Police noted in her arrest record that she showed signs of mental illness.

Well, duh.

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And you’ll stay banned

Within two hours of each other:

Kicked out of instagram for no reason? my account has been disabled because apparently i havent followed the community guidelines. i assure you that i have and i have never done anything. a few days ago someone thretened me and dmd me about it and i got a little mad but it was nothing that should ban me from my account. ive tried sending an apeal to instagram to get my account back but i doubt that will do anything. is there a way to get it back?? please help

How to create a new Tinder account after ban and shadowban? My Tinder account was banned a few days ago for unknown reasons, and when I sent Tinder support a message asking why this had happened and what I might be able to do about it they responded that it would not be reviewed. I downloaded TextNow and made a new account using the new phone number, but I get 0 matches and never reach the like limit so it seems that my IP or my device have been shadow banned. Basically, is there anything I do to make a fresh account and use Tinder again? Thanks to everyone and happy new year!

“Unknown reasons,” my hind foot. Even on Twitter, where rule enforcement is capricious and arbitrary, you know what you did.

I’m starting to think that all social media should sign something like the driver’s-license compact, so that these crapweasels can be banned everywhere at once.

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2018 Sociopathfinder

Is there any reason why this individual shouldn’t be snuffed out like an old stogie? Do you ever Key random cars in a parking lot, say walking between 2 cars heading into a store, taking one of your keys and running it down?

Said one respondent: “You deserve a beatdown if somebody catches you.”

This was his return volley:

So I don’t deserve one if they don’t … Kinda like a Serial Keyer … The fear of being caught .. Oh My .. The Excitement, Adrenalin pumping as you feel your key running deep into their car .. Down to bare medal. It almost makes one feel euphoric, almost Godly … Catch Me If You Can … Hee Hee Hee

Definitely psycho.

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Scumbag Steve makes a haul

This came down the line from NextDoor yesterday:

Thief caught on camera

This does not appear to be the original Scumbag Steve. And as always, no offense is intended toward actual bags of scum.

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Filling out the New World Order form

This, I suppose, was imevitable: I have learned important, public interest information from Youtube videos regarding government conspiracies. How can I share this info?

You’ll notice he didn’t offer to share it with anyone who might actually answer his question, so I’m just going to assume he’s trolling.

Don’t ask how tempted I was to Rickroll the little snotwoofer, either.

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A sharp stick from the Eye

No, you can’t have severance. Not yours:

Leslie Moonves, the former boss of CBS, will not receive a $120m (£95m) severance package after an inquiry into alleged sexual misconduct.

The US broadcaster said it had found that were grounds to fire Mr Moonves “for cause” including his “willful and material misfeasance.”

Mr Moonves stepped down in September following fresh claims he had sexually harassed or assaulted six more women.

He said that the accusations made in The New Yorker magazine were untrue.

In a statement, CBS said Mr Moonves had failed to co-operate fully with the company’s investigation into the allegations against him.

It also said he had had violated company policy and was in breach of his employment contract and as a consequence he would not receive any severance payment from CBS.

Still unexplained: how Moonves could possibly have been bored by wife Julie Chen.

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Son, I am ahead of you

Get a whiff of this: How do i disappoint my parents on purpose?

Spiteful child explains:

They refused to get me Porsche 718 Cayman S.

I suspect the little twerp has been disappointing them for a long, long time already.

This proffered answer, though, has resonance:

It’s OK, they aren’t your real parents — just the prostitute and her John who found you in a dumpster of medical waste at the AIDS hospital.

They still sound more respectable than the kid.

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The law is clear

It might even be enforceable:

Surely your assailant doesn’t want to be charged with possession of stolen property.

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The Law of Conservation of Evil

One way or another, this baby was going to get whacked:

An Indiana high school football player told investigators that he killed a 17-year-old schoolmate because he was angry that she waited so long to tell him she was pregnant with his child that it was too late to get an abortion, authorities said Monday.

Aaron Trejo, 16, was charged as an adult with murder in the Sunday killing of Breana Rouhselang and the fetus. He was arrested Sunday, scheduled to be arraigned Tuesday and had no attorney on record.

In a court filing supporting the charges, prosecutors say Trejo told police that he stabbed Rouhselang during a fight over her pregnancy and that he put her body in a restaurant dumpster in their hometown of Mishawaka.

Now there’s an actual example of toxic masculinity, though it’s less that Trejo had XY chromosomes and more that Trejo was a murderous asshole.

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And never say “Bite me” in his presence

The lovely and talented @SwiftOnSecurity, before rethinking the matter, said: “We never have good news stories like this anymore.”

This was a news story fifteen years ago, though needless to say, none of his neighbors could believe it:

To the family next door, Armin Meiwes seemed the perfect neighbour. He mowed their lawn, repaired their car and even invited them round for dinner.

Other residents in the small German town of Rotenburg also believed there was nothing odd about the 42-year-old computer expert, whose light burned late into the night inside his creaking mansion. Yesterday, however, Meiwes appeared in court charged with killing — and then frying and eating — another man.

In one of the most extraordinary trials in German criminal history, the self-confessed cannibal admitted that he had met a 43-year-old Berlin engineer, Bernd Brandes, after advertising on the internet, and had chopped him up and eaten him.

It was, he said, something he had wanted to do for a long time. “I always had the fantasy and in the end I fulfilled it,” Meiwes told the court on the first day of his trial for murder in the nearby city of Kassel.

Geez. All this story needs is for Rammstein to write a song about it.

Oh, wait…

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Presumably beer was held

Float, float, float your truck, gently down the — hully crap, this is like eight feet deep:

News9.com – Oklahoma City, OK – News, Weather, Video and Sports |

Um, guys, it’s not the early 1990s anymore. They don’t actually have to mow the riverbed the way they used to.

(Fillyjonk showed me this.)

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Power mad, I tell you

This guy seems unclear on the concept: Where can I purchase a Wikipedia administrator account?

No, really, he’s serious:

If you have an old administrator account on Wikipedia that you’re not using, you can pass it to me, I’ll put it to good use. I’m an established user on Wikipedia but I don’t think I’ll become an administrator the regular way immediately. If you’re interested in selling to me, hit me up [redacted] on the English Wikipedia.

How far would you trust this guy?

  1. As far as I could throw him.
  2. As far as the nearest wall.
  3. The width of a hedgehog’s butt.
  4. The diameter of frog hair.

“Good use,” my hind foot.

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