Archive for Wastes of Oxygen

I only need a little bit of fraud

And for a short time, too: Is it illegal to have a liability coverage and have an accident and switch then wait to claim it so full coverage will pay for it?

As the phrase goes, we are not making this up:

I have liability and I need my car fixed it won’t fix I really cannot afford to fix it or to get full coverage but I need my car fixed so could I?

On the upside, your transportation costs will be negligible while you’re in jail.

Another plaintive wail from the same person led someone to do some tracking:

You’re a full time university student, your parents don’t help you financially, and you work at a part-time job. You own a 2014 Nissan Altima and last night a tree fell on your car and hit one side of your trunk.

A ’14 Altima? Somehow it’s paid for? Nobody gets to finance a car without full coverage.

Comments (4)




Homing pigeons kidnapped

This is the next best — or next worst — thing:

It is an only in Silicon Valley kind of story, as police say high-tech thieves were caught stealing thousands of dollars worth of GPS tracking devices from a Santa Clara tech company.

“These devices kind of look like cell phone chargers, so they probably thought they had some kind of street value,” [said] Roambee Corporation Co-Founder Vidya Subramanian.

Subramanian is talking about the hundred or so GPS tracking devices that were stolen recently from the company’s Dela Cruz Avenue labs.

“The moment we realized they had a box of trackers, we went into recovery mode,” Subramanian said. “We notified the police and equipped them to track the devices, and in about 5 or 6 hours, it was done.”

This is not to say that the thieves went out of their way to make tracking difficult:

Before making off with about $18,000 worth of the devices, the thieves grabbed a beer out of the fridge and cut themselves in the process, leaving fingerprints and blood evidence.

Sheesh. Crooks these days have no pride.

(Via Bayou Renaissance Man.)

Comments




Stalker in denial

Get a load of this: If you have someone license plate number, can you somehow find out where they live?

Ron’s motivations are pure as the driven slush:

This is not a stalker type thing. This is a serious question. I want to know where his person is so I can beat their a$$.

In what way is this not a “stalker type thing?”

Comments (2)




Shoot a man in Reno

Obviously he’s asking for it: How can i make my car louder in nevada?

I want to make my car louder, however, the law in nevada states that “Mufflers are required on all vehicles and must be in working condition to limit noise and pollution. Muffler bypasses, cutouts and similar devices that amplify sound are not permitted on highways.” how can i work around this?

“Yeah, it’s the law, but I DON’T CARE!”

Four words: Move. But not here.

Comments (2)




Purest brass

You seldom see balls at this level of metallurgy, even in New York:

Gov. Cuomo’s former top aide Joe Percoco wants to keep close to $100,000 of $321,000 he pocketed in bribes.

In a court filing Monday, Percoco’s lawyers asked a Manhattan federal judge to go easy on the governor’s former right-hand man when he is sentenced Thursday by ordering him to forfeit just $225,000 of the roughly $321,000 he earned through two bribe schemes.

The lawyers claim Percoco, who was convicted in March, deserves to keep roughly $95,000 of his ill-gotten gains because some of the money was the result of a $7,500 per month “low-show” job he got his wife Lisa. And the job, for energy company CPV, resulted in some actual work, they said.

Percoco faces as much as 20 years in the pen, so the state’s expected order is apparently an Officer Obie attempt to make sure Percoco has no money to spend in the cell.

(Via @JimDelRey.)

Comments (3)




Fundamentally unserious people

Robert Moose spends long hours monitoring police scanners and such so we don’t have to. This interchange took place last night:

Some people can learn lessons only in the most painful way possible. This guy, I suspect, is one of them:

For some reason, the Stoner-American community seems to have picked up on this, laser pointers being a handy tool for bowl ignition:

Years of the stuff can damage reading comprehension, it appears.

And just to add to the local paranoia, pointing a laser at aircraft of any sort is a Federal crime.

Comments (7)




Like, how would he know?

It’s not like the Chevy Cruze is a bad car, necessarily:

My co-worker keeps telling me that my car is very gay. For the record my parents bought me that car. It was a graduation present when I graduated from high school 2 years ago. He drives a Honda. I just want to know why people don’t like Chevy cruzes and chevys in general.

“Very gay”? Is there source material to support this claim?

Let’s see. The guy’s representing himself as the expert, and there are no known references to check his credentials, so I suggest you give him the benefit of the doubt. Next time you two part compamy, raise your voice a couple of decibels and say:

“And another thing. Would it be too much to ask for you to keep your goddamned penis out of my car’s tailpipe?”

Anybody gives you a funny look, tell ’em there’s a Check Engine Light.

Comments (1)




High-speed douche

And a recidivist high-speed douche at that:

Arizona lawmaker Paul Mosley has pleaded not guilty to a charge of excessive speeding, two months after a police bodycam was released that showed him bragging about driving 120 mph.

The Republican representative was pulled over in March for driving 97 mph in a 55 mph zone, but wasn’t ticketed on the scene after claiming legislative immunity.

Arizona law protects legislators from “civil process” for some violations while the legislature is in session, but speeding isn’t one of them.

How about shooting off one’s mouth?

Three weeks after apologizing for the video, in which he claimed he often drove at triple-digit speeds and that his Lexus sedan can do 140 mph, Mosley was given a citation for the March incident by the Cochise County Attorney’s Office.

This man needs a mid-1970s Mercedes-Benz 240D nonturbo diesel, and the full 90-day Humility Now! course.

Comments




Guy needs a new line of work

Armed robbery just isn’t his thing:

Inasmuch as this happened in Colorado, I’m going to assume the guy was too stoned to steal anything.

Oh, and that gun he dropped? Replica.

(Via Bayou Renaissance Man.)

Comments (1)




Burglar seeks free tools

No mitigation for this gall: I want to remove DRM from Kindle, Adobe and Nook. Can anybody tell how do I remove that? Is there any free tool or do I have to pay for it?

Tsk, tsk.

(Multi-tsking. I don’t do a lot of it.)

This is why we have digital rights management in the first place: people with their hearts set on stealing stuff.

Comments (1)




Deliberate deliberations

Ten whole minutes, you say?

Maybe it was a long hallway.

Comments (3)




What’s more, it comes with a straw

Joe treats himself to that awesome peach milkshake at Chick-fil-A, and he’ll entertain no complaints from the peanut gallery:

[G]o ahead, rat me out for the milkshake. Ruin my good day. I bet you swipe Milk-bones from puppies. You probably are mean to cats. You make faces at little babies and reach over the shoulder and steal hot dogs right out of the bun from toddlers at the beach. I bet you smash Twinkies on the shelf at the grocery. You probably think the Grinch was a ruined soul by the end of the cartoon. You hate flowers. You root against the Cubs. You probably think Hillary is to be admired. You believe in the fairy tale that is Democrat Socialism. You don’t find the Three Stooges funny. You probably drive a Prius and think plastic straws are the bane of an over-commercialized society. You find Esther Williams movies tedious and do not see what is so great about a John Wayne flick. You probably do not care for the music of Elvis and find the art of Jackson Pollock “intriguing”. That is just who you are: a little sniveling rat fink, out to deny me one small pleasure on a gloomy rainy afternoon.

Everybody snivel!

I knew I’d get a chance to post that someday.

Comments (8)




It pays to crap

That New Jersey school superintendent who used to, um, soil a rival’s grounds is leaving his old job, and a hole in the district’s budget:

The “Pooperintendent of Schools” accused of repeatedly defecating on school property will receive more than $100,000 from his district in New Jersey until he resigns, according to a report.

Under a separation agreement, Thomas W. Tramaglini, the former Kenilworth Public Schools superintendent, will be paid his full salary through the end of September in addition to two months severance pay and $23,827 in unused vacation time, NJ.com reported.

Tramaglini, 42, was suspended with pay from his job in May following his arrest for allegedly defecating in public, lewdness and littering.

If there’s an explanation for this, neither Tramaglini nor his former employer has said what it is.

(Via Stephen Green.)

Comments (2)




Not annoying enough

Already this is worrisome: “How can i make my turbo spool up louder with out putting a new turbo on?”

Here’s what we’re up against:

Im on a low budget and I was wondering if there was any way i can make my turbo spool louder? Will I have to do a muffler delete? Install BOV or CAI?

Removing the muffler is almost certainly illegal. Any turbo from the last 15 years has its own blow-off valve already, and given the function of a turbo — it scavenges exhaust gas, after all — changing the cold-air intake would have the same effect as hanging a pair of fuzzy dice from the rear-view mirror.

There are basically two issues here:

  • You want to hear more engine noise as you go down the street;
  • Absolutely no one else wants to hear that crap.

The cost-effective solution: turn down the volume on your audio system.

You’re welcome.

Comments (4)




Do not taunt Happy Fun Bison

He will not be amused:

At least the wiseguy wasn’t actually gored. Not all dumb humans are so fortunate.

Addendum: Bozo arrested, prompting this Fark headline: Man arrested for taunting buffalo. That’s just mean, they’re obviously in a rebuilding year.

Comments (4)




Out of stalk

I almost hate to imagine what this person is up to:

How to find out the identities of Facebook members who like a Facebook page that is not mine?

Which is, presumably, every page on Facebook except one.

Okay, maybe she just wants to know about some specific Page X. Still sounds suspicious, if maybe a hair more specific.

Comments (2)




A case of the runs, closed

The Mystery Crapper, identified this past spring, has flushed himself:

The New Jersey superintendent accused of pooping on a local high school football field and track on a daily basis has resigned, according to NJ.com.

Thomas Tramaglini was arrested in May and charged with lewdness, littering and defecating in public. He had taken paid leave from his $147,504-a-year job.

Littering, all by itself, will get other people on the Group W bench to avoid you.

This apparently should not be taken as an admission of guilt:

While Tramaglini resigned, his attorney called the accusations “falsehoods,” and that he will continue to fight the charges.

“A load of crap,” counsel did not say.

Comments (1)




Unserious deficiencies

There are many ways to torture oneself: a feigned asceticism intended to impress the neighbors; maintaining a list of every faux pas you’ve ever committed and reviewing it on a regular bases; watching a whole lot of cable news. Apparently my torment of choice is Yahoo! Answers.

Comments (3)




Order that lifetime bus pass now

J. Random Loser confronts part of the car-buying experience he wasn’t expecting: Car dealership asked for pay stubs right after they gave me the car?

And he frets:

The salesman said get them to him as soon as possible, I went home and brought them to him and he made copies and handed me the originals back. What did he need the copies for? I’m worried because I did something very stupid and lied on the credit application.

As I see it, he has two choices:

  • Give evidence supporting that presumably higher income he claimed;
  • Start walking.

Odds favor #2.

Comments




Short answer: no

For the umpteenth time, this loser demands: Is my Volvo fast!!?

You can probably imagine what it was like the first time:

Ok. All you have to say is Volvo in your question and some gay *** middle aged mother f*cker is accusing you of saying “1998 Volvo V70 troll” So far Ive asked two questions about Volvo History etc. and some queer is on my *** calling me 1998 volvo v70 troll. Motherf*cker, if you’re reading this, I want you to know that I think this is hilarious and a waste of time for me. If the question You expect bothers You that much, is your imput really needed? So you think that You matter that much as An individual? Lmao ypu must be really lonely pr something. You dont know me. You arent helping. And going anonymous just shows what a pu$$y you are. Undo anonymous and come to me face to face.

Says the anonymous loser.

Here’s what he gets from me:

Troll level: below average. Consistent with a person who doesn’t even actually own the car on which he feels compelled to brag.

You got that, loser?

Comments (2)




Karma with claws

I’m having trouble feeling any sympathy for these guys:

A pride of lions ate a group of poachers after they broke into a game reserve earlier this week in South Africa to hunt rhinoceroses.

Three men were believed to have been eaten alive by the predators sometime between Sunday night and Monday morning after they entered the Sibuya Game Reserve in Kenton-on-Sea to hunt rhinos, Nick Fox, the park’s owner, told Newsweek.

Oh, yeah? How do you know they were poaching?

After the incident, authorities recovered the remains of their parts, three pairs of shoes, wire cutters, high-powered hunting rifles fitted with silencers and a type of ax that is commonly used by poachers to remove rhino horns.

Oh.

Good lions. Very good lions.

Comments (4)




Your friendly neighborhood sociopath

There’s apparently no getting away from them:

People built a “mini court” for basketball playing here — for kids. I think the police department was also involved with doing this. It was one of those “Let’s do something nice for the kids in town” thing.

Well, they had to close it at least for a little while. Someone vandalized it by driving across it. And apparently it was intentional, not an accident. This is why we can’t have nice things. And I really do not understand: why does it hurt you so much that kids are having fun that you want to destroy the thing they are having fun with? Surely it’s not that they’re so very noisy close to someone’s house; I don’t think the court was close to houses.

Stuff like that almost makes me angrier than the “big” crimes (like theft) — the person committing it derives no benefit from it (other than maybe their satisfaction in being a terrible person?) and it hurts a lot of people. It’s gonna cost money to fix this, money the city doesn’t really have.

It’s not comparable to, say, opening fire on a busy newsroom, but the guiding principle is likely the same: “You’ll pay for doing this to me!” God only knows what was “done to” the small-town vandal, but it’s difficult not to wish it had been done earlier, and with more finality.

Comments (3)




When you shouldn’t brag

There are dozens of occasions, one of which is “When you admit to breaking the law while bragging.” Exhibit D-plus:

Some people think they’re so damn clever.

Comments (2)




Doing social media wrong

And not just wrong, but outright stupidly:

Ask the NFL how well it managed to enforce #SuperBowl. Or, for that matter, #SuperbOwl.

Comments (4)




They had it coming

The one guy you don’t attack is the Good Guy with the Gun:

Three men accused of trying to rob a couple Friday afternoon as they walked to their car outside a DeKalb County [Georgia] Kroger were shot in the shopping center’s parking lot, police said.

The couple were inside the store at the Wesley Chapel Square shopping center when they were followed by the three men, DeKalb police spokeswoman Shiera Campbell said.

Police said the male victim exchanged gunfire with the alleged robbers, injuring them. One of the men checked into the hospital, and the other two were found at the scene and brought to the hospital by first responders, police said.

Still, the authorities weren’t about to let this go by without some sort of rebuke:

“There was a great risk of people being killed,” Campbell told Channel 2 Action News. “People are lucky that no one else was hit.”

Blame the robbers. Three of them couldn’t hit that one guy, and he was evidently skilled enough to take them out without random shots going every which way.

(Via Bayou Renaissance Man.)

Comments (3)




The droning of the insane

It gets worse when you allow them online:

In addition Comcast my actions against you will not be where it ends. If my demands are not met in time.?

Also I’ve decided to change the deadline.

You now have until the very end of today to restore my internet & cable or I will start taking action against your other consumers & wrecking their lives too.

I refuse to have an ounce of patience & wait until Monday when stuff is actually open.

It’s come to this.

I have no other immediate option to get stuff turned back on.

I do not fear of what will happen to me as a result of my possible rampage & furthermore I will take action against all those that try to stop me no matter who it is, who they are, or what they do. I am willing to put my own life at serious risk just to get internet & cable turned back on.

Besides other people are not me so therefore I do not care about their safety in this matter.

For now I am planning & scheming but I can say that I am close to a result of how to go through with all this.

In fact my mind has changed yet again.

This time you have until noon today west coast time June 17th of 2018.

People will pay dearly if I do not get stuff turned back on in the zip code of 98155 in Washington state.

I hate my life so do what you want with me pigs.

Yeah, well, we hate your life too.

98155 is in the far north end of Seattle, right before you get to Snohomish County. And, I note, not far from here.

But wait! There’s more!

I’m getting the stuff today to say the least Comcast & this time I mean business for real. Last chance to turn the internet & cable back on?

Okay first of all the rest of this post title is “before I really get mad & take action against you & force you to turn stuff back on against your will”. It as usual made me keep the title somewhat short.

Anyway

Moving on

My decision so far is as follows:

I today will be buying the stuff to burn and/or st least wreck the place of the Comcast offices and/or HQ’s (whatever they’re called) in lynnwood & Tacoma.

Still not gonna say who I am but I will say to the very least wreck property & cars outside these areas of anyone parked on their lots as well as anything anyone is foolish enough to leave unattended at anytime.

If I cannot for whatever reason do this today (even though I will try to do this today) keep in mind that likely stuff will be burned down & wrecked at least.

I’ve given many chances now.

To further tell you what to do without telling you who I am I will say simply that you are now ordered by me to turn back on the cable & internet of anyone you have shut it off on this month. If you fail to do this buy 3pm today Sunday then anything I’m saying I’m gonna do now will be 100 times worse when I finally do go through with this.

I think he’d take about a 62 sleeve. And lots and lots of Seroquel.

Comments (4)




I did so return your call

Well, actually, maybe not: Is there any way to make a phone call but not have it go through? Get a whiff of this:

I need it to look like I’ve called people in my call history, without it actually going through and ringing them. (And no, Photoshop won’t work on this, i need it to be in the actual call log not just an image)

Whatever this clown is up to, it can’t possibly be even the slightest bit honorable.

Comments (6)




Serpents’ teeth are way sharper

This thankless child is apparently about as sharp as a marble:

The parents of a 30-year-old man have resorted to drastic measures in an effort to get their son to fly the coop: they are suing him.

Court documents say Michael Rotondo does not pay rent or help with chores, and has ignored his parents’ offers of money to get him settled.

Despite doling out five eviction letters, Christina and Mark Rotondo say their son still refuses to move out.

Oh, how they’ve tried:

Mr and Mrs Rotondo filed their case with the Onondaga County Supreme Court, near Syracuse, New York, on 7 May, after months of unsuccessfully urging their son to leave.

The would-be empty nesters’ lawyer, Anthony Adorante, told Syracuse.com the couple did not know how else to get their adult son out of their house.

“We have decided that you must leave this house immediately,” reads the first letter, dated 2 February, according to court filings.

When Michael ignored the letter, his parents wrote up a proper eviction notice with the help of their lawyer.

There is, surprisingly, a punch line:

Michael is arguing that legally, he was not given enough notice to leave.

No, really:

Michael Rotondo insisted he should have been given six month’s notice to move out, as per Kosa v. Legg which requires landlords to give tenants a six-month notice.

“I just want a reasonable amount of time to vacate with the consideration of the fact that I was not really prepared to support myself at the time I was served these notices,” he said.

During the proceeding, the judge applauded Michael Rotondo’s legal research, but presented him with a similar case which proves he’s not eligible for a required six-month notice to leave.

“I’m granting the eviction, I think the notice is sufficient,” Judge [Donald] Greenwood said.

The lad will, of course, appeal.

Comments off




The further adventures of Florida Man

I guess he’s trying to be obliging, or something:

A man was arrested Sunday [29 April] after asking a Florida Highway Patrol trooper if he could run away from the scene of a crash, saying he could get the trooper more meth than he had found in his car.

Scott Ecklund, 32, was arrested on charges of methamphetamine possession and driving with a suspended license. He was arrested earlier [in April] and accused of crashing a Chevrolet truck into a house in Winter Park and claiming to be an FBI agent with an AR-style rifle, police said at the time.

Clearly a loony.

FHP Trooper Glaudson Curado wrote in his arrest report that he searched Ecklund’s car and found meth and a small scale, records show.

Ecklund talked nonstop, Curado wrote.

“Mr. Ecklund was making no sense during our conversation,” Curado wrote. “… He was asking me to let he [sic] run away, that he could get me much more illegal substance that I had found with him today.”

Bless you, sir. I couldn’t have kept a straight face writing that.

(Via Bayou Renaissance Man.)

Comments (2)




Netflix and jail

File this Netflix-cancellation question under “grounded until the day you die”:

so i put in a email that isn’t my registrated apple id email. i am a very bad person because i went in my moms wallet and stole her credit card info because i knew i will cancel it before it started charging the account. so i looked for the subscription in my account on settings and it wasn’t there. i have been trying to find out a way to cancel it. i don’t know if i did it correct but i, logged in to my account with my apple id and put my moms credit card info on that one bc that is one that ik i can cancel. then i logged into the account that i can’t cancel and signed out.

will this stop the subscription?

Were this my mom, kid’s never going to see another screen in his life, except the kind that’s used for mosquito netting.

Comments (3)