Archive for Wastes of Oxygen

Proud to be a twit

You can see what’s wrong with this asshat in a matter of seconds:

My website host reset my password. However, they sent the new password to my old email. They will not relinquish the new password to my current email address (which they currently use for billing) and I cannot access my site. Is there legal recourse?

You can’t get much more obvious than this, said I:

And you never gave the host the new email address because — why, exactly?

It’s rather pointless to speak of “legal recourse” when it’s obviously your fault.

Now this is hardly a problem anyone would call “unique”; in half an hour you can find a dozen or more wackos who fail to comprehend the simple fact that it’s their responsibility to keep everyone in the chain informed. Rather a lot of such folks generate throwaway addresses, fearing that someone might find out who they are, and they deserve the failures they get.

Missing the point, incidentally, is also a failure:

Nope. I own the domains and I own the email address and i want some of my property off the domains (which I own). Why can’t I have my property, when I can establish that it is my property? Seriously!? For years the host has sent me bills for the domains to my current email address. They are USING the current email address for business purposes, to direct payments. And they don’t know this — why, exactly?

Billing records and domain records are not necessarily united under a single database, and you might not want them to be, lest some vandal get all your information at once.

The two hilarious things about this guy:

  • He claims to be an empath;
  • He doesn’t follow his own question, meaning it doesn’t appear in his profile question list, meaning he wants plausible deniability in case he wants to disavow any knowledge of its existence.

It’s always lots of fun to see people work their very hardest to avoid responsibility.

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Bypass operation

This guy is clutching at straws: If the State of Florida suspended my drivers license 10 years ago for not paying court costs, is there any State in the US that will issue me a license? Would it matter if nothing in my record is remotely driving related?

The guy has a record, which we probably don’t need to go into. But geez, how much could those court costs be? And this answer would seem inarguable:

The rule is: suspended in one, suspended in all. “Do or did you have a drivers license in another state?” is a pretty standard question on the application form.

Rather a lot of Quorans come up with questions that boil down to “What if I lie?” Shows you where their priorities are.

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Move away from this guy, fast

I just don’t like the way this is turning out: Why are top fuel dragsters louder than my mustang gt with straight pipes?

It’s like the son of a bitch is disappointed by insufficient noise level from his Ford.

All we can hope for at this point is that he fails a state inspection and has to go back to a proper exhaust system — or that a neighbor shoots him.

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Desperate for attention

I thought of using a phrase less delicate, but decided not to. Still: I have started TikTok today and I posted 5 trending tiktoks with hashtags and all but I didn’t get one like or one follow or even one view? Has anyone got any advice to get TikTok famous?

Anyone who expects fame in a single day on a network with one billion users is simply too stupid to live.

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Not the way this works

So much fail, these two clodhoppers:

Police responded to the scene of an accident Wednesday just after 5:30 p.m. near NE 23rd and Lottie.

While the officers were at the accident, a vehicle pulled up behind them and started yelling for them to move their patrol car so the driver could turn onto Lottie.

Officers approached the driver and told her to wait while they moved the damaged vehicles out of the roadway.

The woman reportedly told police, “you have two seconds,” and officers told the woman to wait again.

It’s rush hour, missy. Nothing happens in two seconds in rush hour.

The officers started walking back towards the accident when they heard an engine rev, and saw the woman drive over the curb and onto Lottie.

Officers caught up with the woman nearby who quickly exited the vehicle.

According to a probable cause affidavit, officers told the woman to get back in her vehicle and she replied, “f*** you.”

While the woman was being arrested, her passenger exited the vehicle despite being told by officers to stay inside, and allegedly “pulled” at an officer’s arm.

The woman, identified by police as Talitha Byrd, 21, was arrested for obstructing an officer and resisting execution of process during insurrection. Her passenger, Paul Brown, 26, was also arrested obstructing an officer and battery/assault on a police officer.

The most charitable explanation: they’re new around here. Kate is the next street to the east; Everest (southbound only) is the next street to the west, followed by Glyn Ellyn. Either would have gotten them where they were going. So I’m going with “drugs wearing off” as a hypothesis.

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The whine of my screaming machine

Jan and Dean recorded “Dead Man’s Curve” about 55 years ago. The scene is London rather than Los Angeles, but the boyracers haven’t changed:

As supercars flood the streets of Kensington, Chelsea and Belgravia, the people who live in London’s most affluent corners are battling infuriating levels of noise and the ever-present threat of a deadly accident.

Driven by young, rich and largely Middle-Eastern men, the high-performance vehicles can be heard tearing around late into the night.

And last week, an Audi Q7 4×4 caused £1 million of damage when it wiped out a £200,000 McLaren, £40,000 Porsche, £200,000 Bentley along with eight other cars when the driver ploughed into the vehicles in a shocking crash caught on CCTV.

It left the well-heeled occupants of Moore Street and the surrounding areas fearing that muscle cars will one day kill one of their neighbours after the Audi’s driver was taken to hospital with a serious head injury.

“Well, the last thing I remember, Doc, I started to swerve.”

Kim du Toit solves this problem with two words: “Speed bumps.” With a speed limit of 30 mph, and all the ground clearance of an ant carrying a potato chip — well, this works better than you might think.

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Screw the facts, pay me

Get a load of this: How to get the settlement I deserve from my insurance?

As it turns out, he doesn’t deserve squat:

Long story short I was followed home punched in the face by the passenger and then the driver reversed into the hood of my car and drove off. I got their plate and was able to report it. However I have the worst insurance company and with my luck the third party has the same one. They are now trying to tell me because I was out of the car I’m not entitled to the injury compensation even though my hand was on the car door. And I also now have ptsd and anxiety from it. how do I get them to give me a proper settlement without bias.

The mere fact that he was out of the car in the first place indicates that he was a long, long way from blameless. If I were charged with covering this fool, I’d make damn sure I didn’t offer him a renewal.

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Never-ending loopiness

In less than one hour, this loser posted five damn-near-identical questions:

What is the best web design?

What is web design all about?

How can I become a professional in web design?

What does a web designer do?

What is the web design?

Suffice it to say, this character isn’t getting near anyone’s database any time soon.

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Not part of the plan

There are such things as work clothes, you know:

Police and firefighters escorted a man off the roof of a home who was naked except for a towel.

Police say the man had been trying to burglarize a Culver City condo — while naked — and was spotted by a neighbor, who called authorities.

The suspect fled and tried hiding inside a chimney at a house nearby in Ladera Heights — and became stuck.

Does it get better? Of course it does:

Neighbors said they heard a voice coming from the chimney.

Witness Portia Wofford, not knowing he was the suspect, said she continued to talk to him.

“He also wanted to know if I believed in a higher power because he was telling his story that he’s been drugged, drugs have been laced, he has no clothes on,” Wofford said.

At least one of those statements was true.

(Via Juliette Ochieng.)

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It crawled into my shorts, honest

The quality of alibis is seriously strained these days:

A Louisiana woman allegedly caught with meth hidden inside her vagina said she didn’t know where the drugs came from, police said.

Ashley Beth Rolland, 23, was accused on July 31 of stealing $5,000 from the apartment of a man she’d been staying with for about a week, according to documents published by the Ouachita Parish Sheriff’s Office.

The man told the West Monroe Police Department that while he was showering, Rolland swiped his cash and left. Rolland allegedly confessed to police she did take the man’s money and left his apartment.

The documents said a female correctional officer later searched Rolland and, inside of Rolland’s vagina, discovered $6,233 along with “a clear plastic bag” of roughly one gram of meth — which Rolland denied was hers.

I guess what we want to know here is which came out first, the money or the meth.

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There’s always another jerkoff

Literally so, apparently: When you buy a used laptop, how can you make sure it isn’t contaminated with dried semen?

I’d hate to see this guy’s touchpad, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

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Leeks? Next aisle

Truly a dunderhead [warning: autostart video]:

Police are seeking a woman who they say urinated on potatoes at a Walmart in western Pennsylvania.

West Mifflin police posted surveillance photos on their Twitter account. It is not known when the incident took place.

A Walmart representative told WPXI-TV an employee saw what the woman was doing.

In a statement, Walmart told the station it “it immediately disposed of the affected products and sanitized the area.”

I suppose it would be unkind to ask if she had been standing up at the time.


A woman suspected of urinating on the potatoes at a Pittsburgh-area Walmart has turned herself in, reports CBS News. The woman was charged with criminal mischief, open lewdness, disorderly conduct and public drunkenness.

Adds CBS, helpfully: “The bin of potatoes was at ground level.”


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A consistent asshat

This guy can’t be bothered to behave himself:

A former state senator has been ordered to jail for violating his probation just days after pleading guilty to assaulting an Uber driver.

Bryce Marlatt, a Republican from Woodward, will begin his 90-day stay at the Oklahoma County jail Aug. 12.

Party identified in the second paragraph. Not all papers do this, depending on the perp’s affiliation.

His judge on Tuesday revoked his probation in full after Marlatt admitted to driving drunk early March 21.

“It’s hard for me to wrap my mind around,” District Judge Heather Coyle told Marlatt. “That is something that is just not acceptable.”

Marlatt, 42, was charged in 2017 with sexual battery — a felony — after the Uber driver reported he made sexual advances and kissed her on the neck during a 37-minute ride in Oklahoma City. He resigned from the Senate and sought counseling for alcohol issues after being charged.

On March 8, he pleaded guilty to a reduced charge, assault and battery. Under a plea deal, he was placed on probation for 90 days for the misdemeanor offense and fined $500.

The Oklahoma County Jail is often characterized as a hellhole. I suspect it remains so because few legislators get sent there for some reason.

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Inherit the whirlwind

Boys will be boys, and some people have a great deal of trouble keeping their hands off them:

A storm chaser and photographer accused of engaging in lewd or indecent acts with a teenage boy will face trial, a judge ruled Monday following nearly an hour of testimony from the accuser.

Lawrence McEwen is now facing six felony counts after Cleveland County District Court Special Judge Steve Stice amended one count and added two counts at the request of the prosecutor in the case. McEwen, 38, of Noble, previously worked as a storm chaser for KOCO 5 News and a sports photographer for the Oklahoma Sooners on a freelance basis.

The boy testified Monday that McEwen touched him twice for a “hernia check” which he said made him uncomfortable. “He said his dad had done it for him when he was younger,” the boy testified.

He also said McEwen made him use a sexual device and filmed the boy using the device, telling him it was for a project for a company. The boy said the device, which included sensors and was hooked up to an electric train, pulsated and “hurt” him.

Just the phrase “hernia check” makes me flinch.

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You have to wonder how this nitwit got into this predicament in the first place: Is there a way to still comment and use YouTube if you’ve been banned from being able to own an email account permanently by court order?

Let’s call him halfway home: he can go to YouTube and look at any non-restricted video. But he cannot comment, or see restricted items, because he’d have to login with a Google account, and Google doesn’t sign up users without an email address.

And inevitably, I have to wonder what sort of grievous offense is most appropriately punishable by barring all access to email. It’s a swell idea: being an asshat on social media requires first that you apply for an account, which will require an email address. (We assume that the ban applies to all the guy’s existing accounts as well as any new ones he might want to create.) And there is an upside: no one can spam him.

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Low comprehension

We’re talking seriously low here: Is there anyway to get more money out of your ATM card if you reached your daily limit?

Neither “daily” nor “limit” is particularly imprecise, so we have to consider that this individual is merely Incredibly Farking Dumb.

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Takes one to know one

Putting a question mark after something does not make it a question: Car parked on street with expired tags?

He wishes to make a complaint:

This car has been parked on the street and hasn’t moved in months. Tags say 5/19. I notified the police and the mayor and nothing has been done about it. Seems like they don’t want to bother with this vehicle despite them being anal about quality of life. Didn’t know of any other way to enforce this issue so I posted it to Facebook and still nothing is done.

Dial back a few weeks, and you have an obvious “Sphincter says what?” “God damn it, I’m going to enforce something!”

At no time does he say that this Dodge Veg-O-Matic is blocking traffic or access, or that in any way it inconveniences him. He just wants it gone, and if he has to summon the minions of the Zuckerborg Hive Mind, well, so be it.

If I owned this vehicle, I think I’d come by at random intervals and move it a couple of feet closer to his driveway.

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Possibly triple or fourple

Dumbass doubles down: Defrauded in car loan, now I have to pay?

Long story short, my car was repo, and because I allegedly tampered with GPS, dealer wouldn’t reinstate loan, told me to pay of whole thing, which I couldn’t. Car went to auction, and sale went towards the bill, which I wasn’t going to pay because I don’t have the car anymore. Dealer sued, and judge or somebody gave them a judgement, and that I have to set up a payment plan or they garnish my wages? I don’t have the car any more! I thought that by them taking the car we were even, I didn’t even get my downpayment back! Also they say I owe way more than what the car sold at auction for, because even though the car was running, they ran the car as not running just because they had no key. They blame me for not giving them the key. They sent a notice asking for the key, but they took my car and gave me nothing, so I said I ain’t giving them nothing either, so I didn’t give them the key. They could of gotten a key and sold it as running, and sold it for more. This is fraud and misrepresentation. How do I sue?

The jerk did literally everything wrong, and he’s going to sue? It is to laugh.

There have been nimrods of late asking what happens to their debt if they skip the country. Most of them, I assume, can’t actually afford to go. I kinda hope this guy tries, though.

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Not an E-ticket

When the Happiest Place On Earth turns into something else entirely:

You should probably consider this Not Safe for Anywhere.

(Background, if you dare.)

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Sometimes it’s just this easy

Arrogant douchenozzle:

Why do so many Quorans look down on Liberal Arts and Humanities degrees? Do they not realize that STEM degrees do nothing to cultivate the mind? Do they not realize that STEM graduates (i.e., automatons) contribute nothing to culture or civilization?

How to deal with an arrogant douchenozzle:

No, I don’t want fries with that, but thank you for asking.

I’ll probably get a nastygram for that. Ask me if I give a flying fish.

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Mostly uncovered

If this guy pleads poverty, they should shoot him:

An uninsured Lamborghini has been seized by police after the owner used it to pick up his other car — also confiscated for not being insured.

Greater Manchester Traffic Police tweeted the Lamborghini Aventador — worth more than £290,000 new — seized at Eccles police station was now “on its way to join his other car.”

It tweeted if you turn up to reclaim your car check “that the car you turn up in is covered on your policy first.”

It added the driver had been reported.

(Via Fark.)

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Too stupid to live, let alone drive

More evidence that the species is getting dumber: Can I get my car back if it was said to be abandoned and someone else now has ownership of it? If not what do I do about the finance company?

No clues in evidence anywhere:

I bought a car 3 months ago but never went back to pick it up until a few days ago but was told that it was considered abandoned and they filed the proper paperwork to take ownership and sold the car. They also claimed they made a repair on something for which I was supposed to pay for upon pick up. I never agreed to it because I had already ordered aftermarket headlights for the vehicle anyway that I was going to install myself. The bank that financed the car has still been taking payments out my account and the next scheduled payment in a few days is still going to be coming out. I’m in Texas. Should I stop further payments until I can get the car back and not have my credit affected? I called the finance company and they were less than helpful.

“Aftermarket headlights” is enough to dock him ten IQ points all by itself, but we still don’t know why it took him almost 90 days to pick up a damn car; it’s possible to travel around the whole world in 80. Given his record of poor judgment, I’m guessing he was in jail.

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Burn marks

No better than a D-minus, if you ask me:

Investigators say an Oklahoma woman who torched an abandoned house next door to her was ultimately burned by her own home security system.

Annie Durham, 59, was arrested by the Del City Fire investigators and charged with second-degree arson charges after authorities say she “intentionally set” fire to her neighbor’s already condemned home on June 10.

The key evidence? Surveillance footage from her password-protected outdoor camera that she’d given officials permission to look at.

“She caught herself on camera setting the fire,” Del City Fire Dept. Chief Brandon Pursell told KFOR.

“Not the brightest bulb on the crazy tree,” observed Bill Quick.

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You have to wonder what this dude was thinking:

A man urinating off a bridge in Berlin has caused a number of injuries, according to the Berlin Fire Department. The unidentified man urinated from the low lying Jannowitz Bridge onto a tourist boat on Friday evening.

A number of people on board the boat jumped up in surprise, hitting their heads as the boat passed under the bridge. Four people were taken to hospital by ambulance with head lacerations.

The last time this sort of thing was at all funny was in the Critic section of Mel Brooks’ History of the World, Part I.

One person wrote on Twitter: “The animals in the zoo behave better.”

And probably got suspended for criticizing the little creep.

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How low can you go?

I just have a feeling that this chap is not exactly bound for Limbo, if you know what I mean and I think you do:

A Bryan County man arrested for embezzling money from the Durant Kids Baseball League was arraigned Tuesday.

Police say Justin Alberda embezzled over $14,000 from the little league, spending the money on vacations to Las Vegas and Branson, Mo. as well as online shopping.

Court records state Alberda was using the money on Amazon, Sam’s Club, Auto Body Shops and restaurants among other places.

Police reports say Alberda borrowed money from the league, with plans to pay it back with entree fees for tournaments he wanted to host. However, Alberda says the tournaments never made enough money to pay back what he borrowed.

They charge fees for entrees now? Damn.

(Pointed out to me by Fillyjonk.)

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There really needs to be a Sarcasm Font for online use. I’d probably overuse it, intemperate as I am sometimes, but once in a great while I run across someone I’d like to run across with a railroad car.

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Where do they find these people?

And why can’t they be rounded up and dropped into a Bessemer converter? Can you rent a car if your driver’s license is suspended but you have it in your possession?

Quora has a program called BNBR, which means something like “Be nice, be respectful.” I am thinking about developing a macro called 2S2L: “Too stupid to live.”

Same goes for this guy: How do you order things online with a stolen credit card without getting caught?

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The deadest deadbeat ever

New to the Quora queue, but definitely a Loser with a capital L:

Are there any bank accounts or payment cards which are unable to decline transactions? Is an offline debit card an example of one of these?

If I find this jerk’s name in our customer files, I’m deleting him forthwith. Fifthwith, even.

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Whizzing down to Circle K

Let me rephrase that. Florida Man here was whizzing on Circle K:

A naked Florida man couldn’t be bothered to mind his pees and Qs.

“There’s a man out here butt naked!” exclaimed a woman speaking to a 911 operator after witnessing a man wearing nothing but his birthday suit attempt to enter a convenience store several days ago.

When the 911 technician asked if the man was sporting any weapons, the caller stated, “No, he is like nude. Nude. He’s very nude!”

Employees at the Daytona Beach Circle K locked the store so he couldn’t enter. That’s when he allegedly began urinating on the doors, according to TV station WESH.

Cops in the area quickly responded, but that’s when the nude, lewd dude reportedly turned his attention on the officers by allegedly trying to “sling urine” on them.

Man, that’s some serious body control, if he can actually sling the stuff.

The police addressed the issue by covering him with Mace.

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Poultry droppings

It’s hard to get much more chickenshit than this:

So, I blocked a person on Snapchat I was talking to, and then unblocked them to send one more message, and then blocked them again. After I blocked them, our chat completely disappeared. Will they receive my final message?

Why would you care? You’re the one wielding the block here.

And while we’re at it, are there any other invertebrates in your family? Assuming they’ll admit being kin to you, I mean.

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