Archive for Wastes of Oxygen

But in neither case funny

Lucky me, I got to fish both of these out of the Quora queue:

My autistic son was misbehaving. I punished my son by sending him to school dressed as a clown. My son is very upset. Did I do the right thing?

and

My autistic daughter misbehaved and I flushed her Barbie doll down the toilet as punishment. She’s very upset about this. Did I do the right thing?

Odds are, the same person wrote both of these, a few days apart, in which case we’re dealing with a sociopathic troll who should be dropped into an active volcano. If actual parents did this — well, the volcano won’t judge them.

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Worthless sons of bitches

Or possibly worthless bitches. The idea that I would care one way or another is risible.

The story begins at 6 pm, and not quite an hour later I had this to say:

As of now, the count is seventeen.

The following are the “obviously spoofed numbers”: 405-703-9427 and 405-814-2008. Both labeled “Out Of Area,” of course. I don’t really care what they were trying to sell. But of the ten Plagues of Egypt, I wish upon them two through eight, inclusive.

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But then drug syringes are not migratory

Only you, Florida Man:

A Florida man denied syringes were his after jail officials found them in his rectum during a strip search.

Wesley Scott, 40, was arrested on Friday on an outstanding warrant charging him with drug possession.

According to WPLG, when Scott was searched at the jail, officers found three syringes inside his rectum.

Scott claimed he found the syringes and they were not his, although he did not explain how they ended up in his buttocks.

Storing them for safekeeping, was he?

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When you need better friends

This is a warning signal at the very least: So my friend and i bet 420$ if i could hack the wifi at work so i need ur helo?

I know the basics but he’s the only person who can give access to the internet even if u have the wifi password he can monitor, control, limit speed etc… so how can i hack it my phone is not rooted but i got one rooted and i have a laptop but kali linux is not installed on it

so plz help me i need that 420$ lol!

I think it’s safe to assume that the amount here is very important to these two losers.

And I’m thinking this “friend” showed off some indifferent sleight-of-hand, knowing full well that it would impress the little twerp; his “hacking” credentials are likely dubious at best.

The tragedy here, of course, is that they both can’t lose this bet.

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Definitely not Avon calling

“Honey, what’s this on the security camera?” [warning: autostart video]

Police are trying to track down a man who spent three hours licking a doorbell at a California home.

“I thought I’d seen it all, but this takes the cake,” neighbor Francisco Javier Estrada told KION.

Surveillance cameras caught Roberto Daniel Arroyo in the act.

The Dungans said they were not home at the time, but their children were inside the house sleeping.

And Arroyo wasn’t done yet:

The security cameras also caught Arroyo moving an extension cord to the front yard and relieving himself.

Of course, this happened in Cailfornia, so the Dungans will probably be fined for having an excessively tasty doorbell.

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Idiot apparently already off the road

But he begs for leniency: How to get an SR22A or SR22?

My license has been suspended and it needs to be reinstated! My license was suspended for reckless driving and a second offense super speeder. So now the DMV is asking me to get an SR 22 so how exactly do I get an SR 22 because I am busting my *** off to get an SR 22 but it literally seems to be impossible I am going through every insurance company but I either don’t get approved or I need to have a vehicle.

The trick here is in the last phrase. Apparently he has no vehicle, which must mean that whatever car he had to commit these offenses (1) wasn’t his to begin with — look around for the angry relative — or (2) he wrapped it around a tree.

And anyway, for the price he’d have to pay for this sort of underwriting, he could buy a damned nice bicycle.

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Take this idiot off the road

The question: Can you buy worthless auto insurance?

First thought: He’s been burned before, and he wants to know whom to avoid.

But no, he has something else entirely different in mind:

im 24 new driver less than a year experience with a car had my motorcycle endorsement for 2 years. Im geting car quotes of around 200 a month liability. could i find some fake insurance that has no value just to register it or is auto insurance have to be legit. ive heard most of the time places like progressive wont pay out anyway an figure it isnt worth paying them to

Stoner on a tight budget, I’m figuring. And every dollar that goes to meeting legal requirements is a dollar that won’t be available for weed.

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A woman scorned

And apparently there’s a very good reason for this:

A woman accused of bombarding a man with 65,000 text messages after a single date is now believed to have sent more than twice that amount.

According to court documents obtained by the Arizona Republic, then 31-year-old Jaqueline Ades, of Phoenix, sent the victim more than 159,000 texts — many of them threatening — over a 10-month period starting in July 2017.

“I’d wear ur fascia n the top of ur skull n ur hands n feet,” one of the alleged texts read.

Another read, “I’d make sushi outta ur kidneys n chopsticks outta ur hand bones,” according to police.

That’s more than 500 texts a day.

Police noted in her arrest record that she showed signs of mental illness.

Well, duh.

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And you’ll stay banned

Within two hours of each other:

Kicked out of instagram for no reason? my account has been disabled because apparently i havent followed the community guidelines. i assure you that i have and i have never done anything. a few days ago someone thretened me and dmd me about it and i got a little mad but it was nothing that should ban me from my account. ive tried sending an apeal to instagram to get my account back but i doubt that will do anything. is there a way to get it back?? please help

How to create a new Tinder account after ban and shadowban? My Tinder account was banned a few days ago for unknown reasons, and when I sent Tinder support a message asking why this had happened and what I might be able to do about it they responded that it would not be reviewed. I downloaded TextNow and made a new account using the new phone number, but I get 0 matches and never reach the like limit so it seems that my IP or my device have been shadow banned. Basically, is there anything I do to make a fresh account and use Tinder again? Thanks to everyone and happy new year!

“Unknown reasons,” my hind foot. Even on Twitter, where rule enforcement is capricious and arbitrary, you know what you did.

I’m starting to think that all social media should sign something like the driver’s-license compact, so that these crapweasels can be banned everywhere at once.

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2018 Sociopathfinder

Is there any reason why this individual shouldn’t be snuffed out like an old stogie? Do you ever Key random cars in a parking lot, say walking between 2 cars heading into a store, taking one of your keys and running it down?

Said one respondent: “You deserve a beatdown if somebody catches you.”

This was his return volley:

So I don’t deserve one if they don’t … Kinda like a Serial Keyer … The fear of being caught .. Oh My .. The Excitement, Adrenalin pumping as you feel your key running deep into their car .. Down to bare medal. It almost makes one feel euphoric, almost Godly … Catch Me If You Can … Hee Hee Hee

Definitely psycho.

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Scumbag Steve makes a haul

This came down the line from NextDoor yesterday:

Thief caught on camera

This does not appear to be the original Scumbag Steve. And as always, no offense is intended toward actual bags of scum.

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Filling out the New World Order form

This, I suppose, was imevitable: I have learned important, public interest information from Youtube videos regarding government conspiracies. How can I share this info?

You’ll notice he didn’t offer to share it with anyone who might actually answer his question, so I’m just going to assume he’s trolling.

Don’t ask how tempted I was to Rickroll the little snotwoofer, either.

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A sharp stick from the Eye

No, you can’t have severance. Not yours:

Leslie Moonves, the former boss of CBS, will not receive a $120m (£95m) severance package after an inquiry into alleged sexual misconduct.

The US broadcaster said it had found that were grounds to fire Mr Moonves “for cause” including his “willful and material misfeasance.”

Mr Moonves stepped down in September following fresh claims he had sexually harassed or assaulted six more women.

He said that the accusations made in The New Yorker magazine were untrue.

In a statement, CBS said Mr Moonves had failed to co-operate fully with the company’s investigation into the allegations against him.

It also said he had had violated company policy and was in breach of his employment contract and as a consequence he would not receive any severance payment from CBS.

Still unexplained: how Moonves could possibly have been bored by wife Julie Chen.

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Son, I am ahead of you

Get a whiff of this: How do i disappoint my parents on purpose?

Spiteful child explains:

They refused to get me Porsche 718 Cayman S.

I suspect the little twerp has been disappointing them for a long, long time already.

This proffered answer, though, has resonance:

It’s OK, they aren’t your real parents — just the prostitute and her John who found you in a dumpster of medical waste at the AIDS hospital.

They still sound more respectable than the kid.

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The law is clear

It might even be enforceable:

Surely your assailant doesn’t want to be charged with possession of stolen property.

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The Law of Conservation of Evil

One way or another, this baby was going to get whacked:

An Indiana high school football player told investigators that he killed a 17-year-old schoolmate because he was angry that she waited so long to tell him she was pregnant with his child that it was too late to get an abortion, authorities said Monday.

Aaron Trejo, 16, was charged as an adult with murder in the Sunday killing of Breana Rouhselang and the fetus. He was arrested Sunday, scheduled to be arraigned Tuesday and had no attorney on record.

In a court filing supporting the charges, prosecutors say Trejo told police that he stabbed Rouhselang during a fight over her pregnancy and that he put her body in a restaurant dumpster in their hometown of Mishawaka.

Now there’s an actual example of toxic masculinity, though it’s less that Trejo had XY chromosomes and more that Trejo was a murderous asshole.

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And never say “Bite me” in his presence

The lovely and talented @SwiftOnSecurity, before rethinking the matter, said: “We never have good news stories like this anymore.”

This was a news story fifteen years ago, though needless to say, none of his neighbors could believe it:

To the family next door, Armin Meiwes seemed the perfect neighbour. He mowed their lawn, repaired their car and even invited them round for dinner.

Other residents in the small German town of Rotenburg also believed there was nothing odd about the 42-year-old computer expert, whose light burned late into the night inside his creaking mansion. Yesterday, however, Meiwes appeared in court charged with killing — and then frying and eating — another man.

In one of the most extraordinary trials in German criminal history, the self-confessed cannibal admitted that he had met a 43-year-old Berlin engineer, Bernd Brandes, after advertising on the internet, and had chopped him up and eaten him.

It was, he said, something he had wanted to do for a long time. “I always had the fantasy and in the end I fulfilled it,” Meiwes told the court on the first day of his trial for murder in the nearby city of Kassel.

Geez. All this story needs is for Rammstein to write a song about it.

Oh, wait…

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Presumably beer was held

Float, float, float your truck, gently down the — hully crap, this is like eight feet deep:

News9.com – Oklahoma City, OK – News, Weather, Video and Sports |

Um, guys, it’s not the early 1990s anymore. They don’t actually have to mow the riverbed the way they used to.

(Fillyjonk showed me this.)

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Power mad, I tell you

This guy seems unclear on the concept: Where can I purchase a Wikipedia administrator account?

No, really, he’s serious:

If you have an old administrator account on Wikipedia that you’re not using, you can pass it to me, I’ll put it to good use. I’m an established user on Wikipedia but I don’t think I’ll become an administrator the regular way immediately. If you’re interested in selling to me, hit me up [redacted] on the English Wikipedia.

How far would you trust this guy?

  1. As far as I could throw him.
  2. As far as the nearest wall.
  3. The width of a hedgehog’s butt.
  4. The diameter of frog hair.

“Good use,” my hind foot.

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Not his little pony

What is the opposite of “Equestria”? Would you believe “Florida”?

A 21-year-old man from Citra, Fla. was arrested after he reportedly had sex four times in one week with a miniature horse.

Nicholas Sardo was seen having sex with a miniature horse named Jackie G in a pasture on a family member’s property, authorities said.

Four times in a week? That pretty much eliminates the possibility of spur-of-the-moment desire. And if that didn’t, this would:

In the release sent out by the Marion County Sheriff’s Office, Sardo told deputies that he used a condom so that he wouldn’t contract a disease from the horse.

If I owned this horse, I’d worry she’d contract a disease from Florida Man.

(Via Fark.)

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I spy with my little hidden eye

Now and then, we all, for certain values of “all,” like to take a peek. Then there are those who go way overboard:

A workman accused of hiding cameras in two homes to spy on young girls was charged Friday with more than 20 felonies, including aggravated possession of obscene material involving minors, manufacturing child pornography and using video equipment in a clandestine manner.

Is it just me, or does that last charge — “using video equipment in a clandestine manner” — sound rather vague?

Ryan Aaron Alden, 39, of The Village, placed hidden cameras in the ceiling vents of two homes, one in Nichols Hills and one in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma County prosecutors allege. He reportedly placed the cameras in the homes while performing electrical work.

The cameras were hidden for months, Nichols Hills police reported.

“He got the idea of hiding the cameras and where to put them from watching pornography,” police reported in a court affidavit. “He informed me that the residents were always very trusting and that is why he ‘preyed’ on them.”

Alden also is accused of taking clandestine photos of girls in numerous public places, including gyms, schools, stores, mall changing rooms and a high school football game.

The upskirt-gatherer is, I suggest, the lowest form of perv: it’s not that his offense is especially heinous, but it goes several steps below banal.

Alden was being held in the Oklahoma County jail Friday on $251,000 bail. He also was sued Friday by the mother of the Nichols Hills victim.

What are the chances this guy has ever had a normal romantic relationship?

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No capes!

Rebecca Black as a perhaps overly-tall Edna Mode:

Rebecca Black as Edna Mode for Halloween

She never looks back; after all, it detracts from now.

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The clock is running

Try to imagine, for the moment, a rope out there with Robert Bowers swinging from it:

As for the Synagogue Shooter, I doubt he’ll live through the week. We’ve come a long way from the days when the Media could just memory hole Nidal Hasan — remember him? — and anyway he only shot up an Army base. That’s the problem with lunatics, you know? They can be goaded into doing something spectacular, but you never know what they’ll do afterwards. Initial reports say this guy hates Trump almost as much as he hates Jews. They’re sure as hell not going to let him say that on the stand, and since they couldn’t ignore his trial should there be one, I’m betting Bowers comes down with a 9mm migraine here in the next few days. No autopsy at the family’s request.

Not much of a loss, I suspect.

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Or slap some mud on it

Silly twit probably thinks he’s doing something frightfully clever: How many times do I need to put photo block spray on my license plates?

To elaborate:

I found a product that works (phantom plate) after a previous one that didn’t. That was in May and figured with car washes and rain and just eventually wears out. I’ve been taking advantage of toll roads to work and back and going to downtown on weekends.

I haven’t got a citation for using the tolls until this month I got one. It said one application and done but nothing lasts forever. So the product Is it because of all the rain in my area? Should I spray it at least once a month then?

Just a matter of time before he gets caught. I would love to see how he explains that he’s saving money by spraying $29.95 worth of crap on his plate. (And is he perhaps a local? We have rear plates only in this state.)

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It puts the dick in contradictory

The spam comment began like so many others: “#1 Dating Site for AU Users.” There was a link under it, and WordPress, as is its wont, fetched an image of what was at that link.

It was this:

This is not a dating site

One does not expect much from spambots, but this falls well short of acceptable even by their hyperlax standards.

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I only need a little bit of fraud

And for a short time, too: Is it illegal to have a liability coverage and have an accident and switch then wait to claim it so full coverage will pay for it?

As the phrase goes, we are not making this up:

I have liability and I need my car fixed it won’t fix I really cannot afford to fix it or to get full coverage but I need my car fixed so could I?

On the upside, your transportation costs will be negligible while you’re in jail.

Another plaintive wail from the same person led someone to do some tracking:

You’re a full time university student, your parents don’t help you financially, and you work at a part-time job. You own a 2014 Nissan Altima and last night a tree fell on your car and hit one side of your trunk.

A ’14 Altima? Somehow it’s paid for? Nobody gets to finance a car without full coverage.

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Homing pigeons kidnapped

This is the next best — or next worst — thing:

It is an only in Silicon Valley kind of story, as police say high-tech thieves were caught stealing thousands of dollars worth of GPS tracking devices from a Santa Clara tech company.

“These devices kind of look like cell phone chargers, so they probably thought they had some kind of street value,” [said] Roambee Corporation Co-Founder Vidya Subramanian.

Subramanian is talking about the hundred or so GPS tracking devices that were stolen recently from the company’s Dela Cruz Avenue labs.

“The moment we realized they had a box of trackers, we went into recovery mode,” Subramanian said. “We notified the police and equipped them to track the devices, and in about 5 or 6 hours, it was done.”

This is not to say that the thieves went out of their way to make tracking difficult:

Before making off with about $18,000 worth of the devices, the thieves grabbed a beer out of the fridge and cut themselves in the process, leaving fingerprints and blood evidence.

Sheesh. Crooks these days have no pride.

(Via Bayou Renaissance Man.)

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Stalker in denial

Get a load of this: If you have someone license plate number, can you somehow find out where they live?

Ron’s motivations are pure as the driven slush:

This is not a stalker type thing. This is a serious question. I want to know where his person is so I can beat their a$$.

In what way is this not a “stalker type thing?”

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Shoot a man in Reno

Obviously he’s asking for it: How can i make my car louder in nevada?

I want to make my car louder, however, the law in nevada states that “Mufflers are required on all vehicles and must be in working condition to limit noise and pollution. Muffler bypasses, cutouts and similar devices that amplify sound are not permitted on highways.” how can i work around this?

“Yeah, it’s the law, but I DON’T CARE!”

Four words: Move. But not here.

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Purest brass

You seldom see balls at this level of metallurgy, even in New York:

Gov. Cuomo’s former top aide Joe Percoco wants to keep close to $100,000 of $321,000 he pocketed in bribes.

In a court filing Monday, Percoco’s lawyers asked a Manhattan federal judge to go easy on the governor’s former right-hand man when he is sentenced Thursday by ordering him to forfeit just $225,000 of the roughly $321,000 he earned through two bribe schemes.

The lawyers claim Percoco, who was convicted in March, deserves to keep roughly $95,000 of his ill-gotten gains because some of the money was the result of a $7,500 per month “low-show” job he got his wife Lisa. And the job, for energy company CPV, resulted in some actual work, they said.

Percoco faces as much as 20 years in the pen, so the state’s expected order is apparently an Officer Obie attempt to make sure Percoco has no money to spend in the cell.

(Via @JimDelRey.)

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