Archive for Worth a Fork

Yet she persisted

Vashti wasn’t always a good cook:

When it was time to be a wife and cook things on my own, I was happy that I lucked out and married a guy who grew up in a household of cookers and loved to cook himself.

But then he found a job that required him to work nights and the responsibility of cooking fell on me, I knew making sandwiches wasn’t going to get me too far or him for that matter.

I was a horrible cook, besides cutting up “seasoning” onions [that was an issue in itself], cilantro, and tomatoes. It was possible that I could potentially kill you with a meal.

She got better; to my knowledge, she didn’t kill anyone.


Orange you glad

There once was a store a mile and a half from me, but it closed — only to reopen in an even closer location.

And Whataburger HQ has moved to San Antonio, as I discovered on a trip to Corpus Christi in 2008.

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No candy hearts for you

Or for me, either, come to think of it:

For more than a century, Sweethearts have helped romantics express their softer sides. The pastel-colored, heart-shaped candies are stamped with cutesy phrases: “Be Mine,” “Me & You,” “Love Me,” “Marry Me.” Sure, it’s not poetry, but it certainly gets the point across. And the treats have become a confectionary tradition, particularly on Valentine’s Day.

Except in, um, 2019:

The New England Confectionery Company (Necco), one of the oldest candy companies in America, had been making Sweethearts since the turn of the 20th century. But Necco, recently beset by financial woes, abruptly shut down in July after being purchased from a bankruptcy auction by Round Hill Investments, reports Clair Robins of In September, Round Hill sold the SweetHearts brand to the Spangler Candy Company, but not in time for Spangler to produce enough candies for Valentine’s Day.

And if you’re truly desperate:

For those in need of the conversation heart candy fix, you can still buy Sweethearts on Amazon, but just be aware that they will have been produced prior to July 2018.

The candy can’t be any more stale than the sentiments.

If you can’t wait until 2020, you can always write something on a Necco wafer. They’re supposed to be back in stores in November 2019.

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Needing more than Mrs Peel

One of those legendary Roberta X footnotes deals with the uncertain fate of the banana:

There have only been two varieties of dessert banana sold in the U.S. and each one was essentially a cloned plant. The Gros Michel was gone by the end of the 1950s, all but eliminated by Panama disease. It was replaced by the Cavendish and if you’re under 50 years old and haven’t traveled, Cavendish may be the only dessert banana you have ever tasted. Panama disease is going after Cavendish bananas now; there’s a disease-resistance Gros Michel under development but you might bear in mind that the old song, “Yes, We Have No Bananas” refers to some of the earliest banana crop shortfalls in the 1920s — and, perhaps, to the power of positive thinking!

Artificial banana flavor, the sort you find in dollar-store pudding cups, tastes very little like any actual bananas, so don’t expect the chemists to save you.

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As Arthur Treacher rotates on his axis

Well, it definitely sounds flaky:

Fish and chips are set to go vegan as Quorn launches an alternative made with protein derived from fungus — to help create a similar flaky texture.

The meat-free brand is set to release breaded and battered fishless fillets in March, both of which took five years to produce.

If they ever try this at Captain D’s, old man D will be busted down to ensign.

(Via Kim du Toit.)

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Not the Hershey highway

But it had to be said, if perhaps not by me [warning: autostart video]:

Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory isn’t the only place to house a river of chocolate.

A section of Interstate 40 near Flagstaff, Arizona, was covered in the cocoa confection after a tanker trailer carrying more than 40,000 pounds of the liquid overturned Monday morning around 9 a.m., Arizona Department of Public Safety Public Information Officer Bart Graves told ABC News.

The truck originated in Ontario, Canada, and was headed to Henderson, Nevada, Graves said. Authorities believe the tanker overturned after the latch between truck and the trailer became unsecured and the trailer became separated from the truck, Graves said.

If you’re headed that way, bring your graham crackers.

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Make a meal of Deborah

Little Debbie has several snacks for you, of varying levels of delight:

And since you’re going to ask, this is the source of the title.

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Quality controls

Rob O’Hara recounts a life lesson from years ago:

Loverboy was a film released in 1989 that starred Patrick Dempsey as a college-aged pizza delivery driver, moonlighting on the side as a gigolo. To request Dempsey’s dating services, all female customers had to do was order a large Loco pizza with extra anchovies. Loverboy may have been the first time I actually saw a pizza with anchovies on it. I certainly had never seen one in person. I understand that anchovies were one of the traditional Italian ingredients served on pizzas; that being said, nobody ever accused any of the pizza joints I worked for of serving traditional Italian cuisine.

The man who called Pizza Inn that evening wasn’t looking for gigolo services (at least I hope not). The guy was legitimately curious to know if we could serve anchovies on our pizzas. My boss must have heard me repeating the request back the caller — I may have even been laughing at the time. Before I had a chance to say another word, my manager had literally snatched the phone’s receiver from my grasp and taken over. After apologizing for my ineptitude, my manager told the customer we would gladly put anchovies on his pizza.

After finishing the order, my manager turned to me, and I’ll never forget what he said.

“Never tell a customer we can’t do something.”

Then he handed me five bucks and told me to get my ass to the nearest supermarket and buy a can of anchovies.

And you know what? This almost worked.


If you knew sushi

Remember when you had to go out back to eat worms?

Bait sandwiches at Lucas Foods

(From Bad Menu via Miss Cellania.)


Don’t think I’d want this in a taco

More mysterious than Mystery Meat! It’s:

Meatless Meat for sale

Were it not the middle of farking December, this would seem to be a good time to invite the invisible girlfriend over for some serious grilling.

(Jennifer saw this up around Edmond.)

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By odor of the Food and Drug Administration

Hmmm. Maybe I need an Uncommon Scents category:

Fine Land Corp is recalling its 12 ounce (340 g) Meiqili Durian Candy in plastic bag with clear window because it contains undeclared milk allergens. Consumers who are allergic to milk allergens may run the risk of serious or life-threatening allergic reactions if they consume this product.

The recalled “Meiqili Durian Candy” was distributed in retail supermarkets throughout the East Coast in Connecticut, New York, Philadelphia, Virginia, Maryland and Boston. The product is packaged in a 12 oz.(340 g) plastic bag with a clear window. It is labeled as a product of China and has a UPC code of 4-897055-795465-0.

Meiqili Durian Candy

No illnesses or allergic reactions involving this product have been reported to date.

(Via Fark.)


Doesn’t want the D

To my amazement, I tested out with what was listed as a Vitamin D deficiency a few years back, and began taking a supplement in relatively small doses, having heard that too much Vitamin D can cause constipation, something I have no desire to get.

It’s worse, though, for Fido:

A recall for dog foods that potentially contain too much vitamin D has been expanded to include other brands.

The recall initially included several brands produced by Sunshine Mills, including Evolve Puppy, Sportsman’s Pride Large Breed Puppy, and Triumph Chicken and Rice Dog Food.

However, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration said the recall has been expanded to include several brands from other companies as well, including Nutrisca, Natural Life Pet Products and ELM Pet Foods, Inc. among others.

Dogs ingesting elevated levels of vitamin D may exhibit symptoms such as vomiting, loss of appetite, increased thirst, increased urination, excessive drooling, and weight loss. Vitamin D, when consumed at very high levels, can lead to serious health issues in dogs including renal dysfunction and even death.

Consumers are urged to stop feeding the foods to their dogs immediately and throw it away or return it for a full refund.

Besides, your dog wants steak.

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An auspicious beginning

I really wasn’t expecting the Legislature to accomplish a great deal in the next session. But I find this action heartening:

Casey Murdock, a Republican from Felt, at the far end of the Panhandle, is a, um, er, rancher.

And should this pass, I assure you that I’m not going to burn them to a crisp just because Donald Trump likes them that way.

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Not exactly Prime Pantry

Thank you, but no thank you:

I don’t care if I do get free shipping.

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Back on the food-chain gang

Let there be no doubt:

Well, it’s not all in the mind; some of it shows up around the waist.

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Only the packaging is the same

Not that we were exactly panting for this, but what the hey: it’s a four-minute history of Kellogg’s Pop-Tarts, which have been on your grocer’s shelves for 54 years now.

Arguably we reached Peak Pop-Tart in the spring of 2011, when someone came up with the idea for a cat video involving Pop-Tarts.


25 or 6 past 4

Above the 49th parallel, in the Great White Stoned North, Oh Henry! has a candy bar for you:

Oh Henry! 4:25 bar

I’m guessing this is a Canada-only variation, because (1) it’s all bilingual on the package and (2) US rights to the Oh Henry! trademark are held by Nestlé, which hasn’t been known for its sense of humor (or humour) since Farfel worked for them.

(Via Pergelator.)

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Home of the Flopper

The proper way to eat your burger, apparently, is to invert it first:

[T]he crown, or top of the bun, is usually thicker than the bottom, or heel. The thicker, top part of the burger bun, food experts say, can better withstand all the meat and vegetable juices and condiments than the thinner bottom of the bun that gets soggier more quickly.

“The crown will then hold the weight of everything else, and there is less likelihood of it falling apart in your hands,” Simon Dukes, founder of the Burger Lad blog told Business Insider Friday. “A true burger connoisseur should always eat their burgers upside down.”

Then again, if you’re as clumsy as I am, turning the burger over will result in much of the middle winding up on your wrist.

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Some sort of glaze

If this product actually existed — and why the hell shouldn’t it? — I’d expect that.

For now, only mine eyes glazeth over.

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Go for lunch first

Then again, maybe you shouldn’t:

The evolutionary function of disgust is to help us avoid disease and unsafe food. Disgust is one of the six fundamental human emotions. While the emotion is universal, the foods that we find disgusting are not. What is delicious to one person can be revolting to another. Disgusting Food Museum invites visitors to explore the world of food and challenge their notions of what is and what isn’t edible. Could changing our ideas of disgust help us embrace the environmentally sustainable foods of the future?

Of course, if something is sustainable because it’s disgusting — well, let’s not go there. But the Disgusting Food Museum, in beautiful downtown Malmö, Sweden, might deserve a place on your bucket list, especially if it’s a bucket of swill.

(Via Miss Cellania.)

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A shot or two of Barbasol

At least one person thought that Oreo’s Most Stuf didn’t look appetizing, and this was the result:

Once in a while, I/m actually sort of sharp.

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The Stuf your dreams are made of

Once upon a time, Oreo gave us Double Stuf, and it was good; they followed with Mega Stuf, and it was better. Is it time to up the ante again?

Announcement of More Stuf Oreo from The Junk Food Aisle

“Actual product photo,” says The Junk Food Aisle. I want to believe.

“Same taste, more filling,” says Fark.

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No more Mr. Rice Guy

And how long did it take to count all those grains, do you think?

Do not eat my lunch I have 7 shrimp and 4,377 rice

Oh, surely longer than that.

(From Bits and Pieces via Miss Cellania.)

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Hanging that name

I’ve eaten at Ruby Tuesday exactly once. So maybe it’s all my fault:

Then again, I thought they were better than Applebee’s.

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Worst pork chops ever

Wait, what?

Maybe I’ll skip dessert.

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The lowest form of cuisine

Circle K might not be your first choice for dinner:

No, not even QuikTrip.

Still, the person who’s never had so much as a 7-Elevem Slim Jim has had no opportunity to build up the kind of immunity our well-traveled road warriors count on.

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Not quite cultural appropriation

America’s Defining Restaurants are perhaps not so good at that “definition” business:

Two of the restaurant chains (Taco Bell and Domino’s) are basically watered-down bastardizations of another country’s food type. Taco Bell is barely Mexican, and Domino’s is barely Italian — much as is the case with Spaghetti Warehouse and Olive Garden. (I do take issue with the author’s lionization of made-in-Italy pizza, by the way. I think you get better pizza in New Jersey and Chicago than anything made in Rome, for instance.) That both Domino’s and Taco Bell are so popular — despite their tenuous relationship with their specific ethnic origins — is fine, I guess; but it does point to the homogenization of the American diet, which is not so good.

Number of Taco Bell locations in Mexico: zero (at the moment).

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Looking forward to a weekend in 2041

I know this feeling perhaps better than I ought to admit:

(If you care, she’ll be 44.)

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Rolls over

I had grumbled about Walmart: “They delivered six trays of rolls, with eight rolls each.”

Six days later, I still had four trays left. I hauled the lot off to the workplace, where they disappeared fairly quickly. (One chap even offered to pay me for a tray.)

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The Bismarks are sunk

There are, as they say, compensations.

Walmart substitution record

They delivered six trays of rolls, with eight rolls each. Forty-eight of these sons of guns.

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