Saith W

And you know, he’s right:

Excellent call, sir.

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Knowing what you’re worth

And remember, it’s always more than those Ordinary Folks:

Rep. Corrine Brown (D-Fla.) said Friday that if the Department of Justice had been investigating the Orlando nightclub shooter instead of her, the 49 people killed in the massacre there last month would still be alive.
[…]

“These are the same agents that was not able to do a thorough investigation of [shooter Omar Mateen], and we ended up with 50 people dead,” Brown said. Mateen was shot and killed by police at the scene of the Orlando nightclub attack, bringing the total death toll to 50.

Brown’s lawyer echoed those sentiments. “Perhaps had it chosen to devote its resources more thoughtfully, 50 innocent people would be alive today,” Elizabeth White said, according to First Coast News.

Brown was hit with a 24-count federal indictment. One for every other victim?

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In which a hat is tipped

And for good reason, too:

The previous post was #3,000 for this here blog, which makes me a “millitriathlete” of running my mouth.

Not even going to try to come up with a comparable term for this place.

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As usual, I’m late

But you already knew the drill, right?

Remember: one of these days is Centaxday.

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Rehab: day eleven

Tested out a bench for the bathtub. Easier than standing up under the shower, I suppose.

I suspect the existence of actual readers among the staff, and possibly even among the patients.

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Females being selective and all

You probably don’t want to try this at home:

On your next date, you might not want to try vomiting bioluminescent mucus, but for male crustaceans called ostracods it works like a charm. The female ostracods like it, say some researchers.

Makes for some semi-compelling video, too, even from Other Species:

“When you’re there watching this display it’s spectacular. You can have up to nine species all in the same area displaying at similar times. I don’t know how the females do it, but they’re really good at figuring out who is their correct male,” explained Emily Ellis. She and Todd Oakley are scientists at the University of California, Santa Barbara who study ostracods in the Caribbean.

A giant squid was not available for comment.

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Nice arachnid

Useful household advice:

Yep.

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Dough, boy

I’m not sure I believe a word of this. That said, there are thieves, and then — well, there’s this guy:

Martin Klein, 41, of Las Vegas, was arrested after a shoplifting incident turned horribly wrong. According to reports, Mr. Klein and his partner, Jerry Weis, had stolen several grocery items from the Las Vegas Walmart.

Reportedly, Klein and Weis had entered the Las Vegas Walmart at approximately 11 A.M. and headed towards the breakfast food aisle. Both of the men had taken several cans of Pillsbury Cinnamon Rolls from the aisle and headed towards the bathroom. According to CCTV footage, Klein and his partner entered the restroom and stayed inside for nearly 20 minutes before exiting.

I’m not sure you want to know how this worked out:

According to eyewitnesses, the EMT that treated Klein on the scene said the Pillsbury Cinnamon Roll can exploded due to the amount of pressure inside Klein’s anus coupled with the shock of the fall. The can and its contents were removed from Mr. Klein. Mr. Klein was treated for his injuries and then placed into the custody of Las Vegas Police. Jerry Weis, the other suspect in the shoplifting incident, was also arrested. Weis gave a bizarre statement to authorities upon his arrest: “I hope my Mr. Martini will be ok. We just wanted to spice up the love making tonight with something sweet and thought that some Cinnamon Rolls would do the trick. Well at least my darling got the Cinnabuns he wanted. I hope he has some leftovers for me to try.”

Trolling level: Grands.

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Strange search-engine queries (545)

You know the drill: someone looked for it, and we made note of it here.

mazda SLI 16 valve engine pictures:  Not sure if motor porn or desperate DIYer.

black male model with huge penis in locker room:  Probably not a desperate DIYer.

apple store penn square mall make appointment:  Call the Genius Bar, genius.

is hercules on the commodore 64 supposed to:  Due to memory limitations, he can muck out only one stable at a time.

used oldsmobile alero wright county minnesota:  Well, there certainly won’t be any new ones.

frolicme mr big:  Still hasn’t displaced “Rock Me, Amadeus.”

sprained ankle fetish:  I guess it would be harder for them to get away.

assholism definition:  If you need a definition, well, guess what?

sarah is testing how quickly saltwater freezes. she adds saltwater to one ice tray and plain water to another ice tray. she places each tray in the freezer and records the time when each one starts to freeze:  Meanwhile, her car has been low on coolant for 5,000 miles.

monothelitic dumbhead:  Opened for Finger Eleven back when F11 was still called “Rainbow Butt Monkeys.”

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Rehab: day ten

“Suddenly, I’m not half the man I used to be.” — Paul McCartney, “Yesterday.”

“I’m eight-ninths the man I used to be.” — Me, after weigh-in.

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Wayward-wiener relief

Bonus points for starting with the verb “screw”:

Screw going to the doctor for your bedroom performance problems. You can fix them yourself WITHOUT worrying about expensive costs or side effects.

Don’t believe me?

All it takes is concocting 3,000 year old drink recipe that consists of:

1. 6 herbs
2. 2 fruits
3. 1 amino acid

Whip it up. Put it in a cup. Drink it down. And watch your woman’s sexually frustrated frown turn upside down.

Best of all, this drink only costs 30 cents to make. But I guess you want to know the specifics, huh?

Well, no, not really.

Extra spam words with the package:

/Medvedev/ folgende /eid /earlier /profile /hike /thank /please /stations/ wave /morning, reset /format /Turner/ core /date /customer/ jullie /dirty /hist /Va /virtual /gloire /quits /soumises /musique /argot /659 station /sweater /sorten /regulation /priest /Schumacher /orde responsibility /aan /welle /outside /everyone /driven /3 /HILFE /idbzymo /unfiltered hitchhikes /zxyxhjg /315-1952 /pesa /unhopedly /xkawgiygzs /ductive /hastening trinken /attendance /300-3314 /Candido /restaurant /vuwdn /weighs /dll /spread /in FILETIME /Food /3D /completed /1BC31C80 /signing /Thanks /PLEASE /buys /bens cameronian /1em /01C2DDA1 /2 /version /subscription /buckmast /matamoros /that’s Visit /cfm /elevation /is /example Howells /JENNIFER /led /Thank /second /general /lyngbyeae /multiplies /disastrous PermSize /desto /al /OK /XX /3D3D128m /Iran /regular /beenBelleville /axhwjvf ozyys /scroll /parliamentarians /other /James /Courts /verdriet /separately /Moz collector /filth /P’North /ghzyrr /EMAIL

Followed by several hundred more. This might be explainable, but not by me.

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Strictly boho

I have a feeling I’d like this dress:

What I’m seeing is pretty spiffy.

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Because I needed this

I didn’t do any Rule 5 stuff this week due to, um, illness, but I had to say something about this Bai Ling tweet.

“Rawr” should about do it.

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Rehab: day nine

I’m still perplexed by the idea that knocking out 60 yards with a walker is somehow relevant to going to the fridge to fetch a beer.

On the upside, the Cardinals, with a big lead on the Brewers, said what the hell and gave a ninth-inning pinch-hitter slot to a chap named Alberto Rosario, who’d floated around baseball for a decade and more without so much a single at-bat in the majors. Seemingly glowing as he came to the plate, Rosario swung for the right-field fence, and was rewarded with a base hit and an RBI. This is the sort of one-shot brilliance that I always seem to need and never seem to have.

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A vision of what was

Some people just look right no matter how horribly they may be dressed.

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Heck of a deal

Wonder if I’d get any takers:

Prices, I assume, may vary.

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