The oft-dreaded Excessive Heat Warning was visited upon us today, and "excessive" is as subjective a term as you'll find in the Weather Biz, I'm operating on the assumption that the heat index was predicted to be 108°F or worse. (Tomorrow, the forecast looks exactly the same, except that the projected heat index is a mere 108°F, so we get only a Heat Advisory.) The usual NWS graphics, of course, merely say "Hot," and anything above 96°F gets what a friend of mine calls the Eye of Sauron, which is, I think, sufficiently evocative for this purpose. And on days like this, there's a prayer, to the effect that "O Lord, please allow my air conditioner to function for one more day."

Where there's a prayer, though, there's a nonbeliever, and we got a first-rate infidel on Twitter:

Let the record show that I did pay the electric bill Sunday night, which of course means Monday afternoon, and while it was a bit on the stiff side — just short of $175 — I don't give a quarter of a damn about "energy efficiency." And so I replied to Little Miss Troll:

Various friends and neighbors joined in the fun; I know absolutely no one who came to her defense, though I'm sure someone did; every year, some clown from Mordor-on-the-Potomac explains how it's absolutely necessary to curb our creature comforts for the sake of the planet, or some such nonsense. Inevitably they are paid back for their effrontery with a nice summer heat wave with dew points perilously close to, and possibly exceeding 70°F. Under no circumstances, however, will they backpedal: they'll be disinvited from the Sierra Club.

So I guessed another Washington wacko, and dialed up her profile. Nope: nowhere near the District of Calumny. From that bio: "Former collegiate runner. Wife. Boy Mom. Investigative Reporter at @10NewsWTSP."

I recognized those call letters: the W is purely geographical, of course, but the rest of it stands for "Tampa-St Petersburg." I have not spent much time in Florida in my lifetime, but I remember no half-hour or longer period when I wasn't sweaty. Wikipedia backs me up:

The hot and wet season begins in May and lasts through October. Seasonal high temperatures average about 90s °F (around 32 °C) and lows in the mid-70s ° F (around 24 °C), accompanied by high humidity and an almost daily chance of thundershowers, especially in the afternoon. Day to day weather is remarkably consistent, with wet season average high and low temperatures usually only about five degrees above or below the record highs and lows.

Maybe you had to be a collegiate runner to be able to stand 82°F while you're trying to sleep. I assure you, I am not about to try.

The Vent

  19 August 2019

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