Hef 31, Chaz 1

Through 2013, my record was still intact. Every year since 1984, I've made my own personal selection (just for sporting purposes, doncha know) for the Playboy Playmate of the Year, and every year since 1984, the readers, or the staff, or Hef himself, or whoever, picks someone else — until now.

This dismal record speaks for itself. Note that all months are from the previous year's issues; the 1984 PMOY, for instance, was chosen from 1983 Playmates.

YearMy pickPlayboy's pick
1984Tracy Vaccaro (October)Barbara Edwards (September)
1985Deborah Nicolle Johnson (October)Karen Velez (December)
1986Cindy Brooks (April)Kathy Shower (May)
1987Laurie Carr (December)Donna Edmondson (November)
1988Sharry Konopski (August)India Allen (December)
1989Terri Lynn Doss (July)Kimberley Conrad (January)
1990Tawnni Cable (June)Renee Tenison (November)
1991Lorraine Olivia (November)Lisa Matthews (April)
1992Samantha Dorman (September)Corinna Harney (August)
1993Ashley Allen (August)Vickie (later "Anna Nicole") Smith (May)
1994Alesha Oreskovich (June)Jenny McCarthy (October)
1995Donna Perry (November)Julie Lynn Cialini (February)
1996Lisa Marie Scott (February)Stacy Sanches (March)
1997Karin Taylor (June)Victoria Silvstedt (December)
1998Kimber West (February)Karen McDougal (December)
1999Maria Luisa Gil (June)Heather Kozar (January)
2000Alexandria Karlsen (March)Jodi Ann Paterson (October)
2001Nicole Marie Lenz (March)Brande Roderick (April)
2002Shanna Moakler (December)Dalene Kurtis (September)
2003Nicole Narain (January)Christina Santiago (August)
2004Laurie Fetter (May)Carmella DeCesare (April)
2005Cara Zavaleta (November)Tiffany Fallon (December)
2006Tamara Witmer (August)Kara Monaco (June)
2007Alison Waite (May)Sara Jean Underwood (July)
2008Tyran Richard (March)Jayde Nicole (January)
2009Laura Croft (July)Ida Ljungqvist (March)
2010Candice Cassidy (June)Hope Dworaczyk (April)
2011Kyra Milan (March)Claire Sinclair (October)
2012Rainy Day Jordan (December)Jaclyn Swedberg (April)
2013Alana Campos (September)Raquel Pomplun (April)
2014Kennedy Summers (December)Kennedy Summers (December)
2015Shanice Jordyn (April)Dani Mathers (May)

Now, one could perhaps argue — from two different viewpoints, yet! — that I simply don't understand women, and I'd be in no position to disagree. I obviously don't know any of these women personally (the odd email doesn't really count), and certainly can't evaluate them on any criteria other than the purely superficial; then again, if other males of the species are comparably deprived, and I have no reason to suspect they aren't, I should be doing better than 0 1 for whatever, if only from a statistical standpoint.

Regular readers, if I have any, will note that this page, which dates to 1996, was originally titled Hef 13, Chaz 0. Nothing much has changed since then, except for that one lucky guess in 2014. Do I become brain-dead in the presence — even the printed presence — of beautiful women? And let's not have everyone write in to say that I could have cut the word "beautiful" without changing the truth of the statement, okay?

And why does this page even exist? Why would I beat up on myself for three decades? For one thing, it's funny in a rueful sort of way; for another, it gives me reason to believe that at least a few Playmates, deep down inside, actually agree with me on something.

Then again, when Playboy decided to abandon its old format in early 2016 in the hopes of chasing down Maxim readers, I saw no reason to continue with this guessing game, though I did faithfully look at all twelve 2015 centerfolds one more time. I can assure you, though, I would have been wrong again.

First posted 5 May 1996; last update 21 May 2016

| Writings | Copyright © 1996-2015 by Charles G. Hill

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